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Original poster

Due to qualify and I don't think I can do this

41 replies

TheVeryIdea · 24/12/2019 22:56

I'm due to qualify as a nurse in March and the closer I get, the more I feel like I no longer want to be a nurse. The hours are awful, I barely see my husband and children, the pay is rubbish etc

I came into this wanting to make a difference but I just don't feel like I can. I'm so worried I won't cope with the responsibility of being a qualified SN.

My DH knows a little bit about how I'm feeling but doesn't know just how much I'm dreading it. My family will be so disappointed in me if I quit nursing so I feel like I have no choice to but to stick it out.

I just don't know what to do! I have a job to go into once a qualify and I'm just so stressed and terrified!

OP posts:
toddytoff · 24/12/2019 22:58

YANBU OP. It’s tough, really. I haven’t got any advice really other than to say that I 100% get where you’re coming from Flowers life is so short though, you need to do what makes you happy.

Northernsoullover · 24/12/2019 23:00

Qualify and then decide! You are so close. I'm not a nurse myself but friends are and they do HV, district etc. I know enough to know these aren't easy to walk into but someone else more knowledgeable will probably give you more of a clue!
Well done on getting so far! I'm a student with children too. Its been really tough.

Northernsoullover · 24/12/2019 23:01

Masters in Public Health maybe? Good money and regular hours. Just an idea

PrettyPurse · 24/12/2019 23:04

Definitely finish the course.

I work in theatres. Pretty much M-F 8-6pm.

There are jobs out there with nicer hours. Just will take some searching.

dahliaaa · 24/12/2019 23:04

OP it sounds really tough and YANBU - but I would agree with other poster. Stick it out until you are qualified now that you have come this far and then look at your options.

dahliaaa · 24/12/2019 23:06

Ignore the YANBU - I didn't realise this was in 'work' Blush but rest still stands

Lougle · 24/12/2019 23:07

There are all sorts of roles out there. You're having a very normal wobble.

embolass · 24/12/2019 23:08

Awww I feel for you. I’ve nursed for over15 years now but I remember clearly the anxiety as the security and protection of being a student was soon to end. It is a scary time but an old tutor told me, the very fact your aware of the responsibility means you’ll be safe and act appropriately on the wards once a SN. Remember you cannot know everything, I still learn something new most shifts and there are always staff to ask. Give it a year and see, go easy on yourself and good luck!

coconutty101 · 24/12/2019 23:09

Yanbu...
I'm a nurse, I've been qualified 3 years, and I'm already questioning the job!
The hours are shit, the pay is crap.

Defo finish the course. It'll lead you to other avenues.
Public health, health visiting?

Have you found any area that you like yet? That makes a huge difference.
Ive worked in cardiology up until now, theatre side.
I couldnt do wards at all.

Returned to work after mat leave in July, and have really struggled going back, I leave at 7am, I don't get in til half 8, the days are just too long.

Luckily I have found another job, and I will be doing 7.30-6pm 3 x a week...
which are much better hours for family like.

But yeah agree, sometimes wish I just worked in aldi!

Iliketeaagain · 24/12/2019 23:10

Being a student nurse is hard going, academic work plus constant changing placement areas, you have to try to fit into a new team every few weeks / months. If you are this close to qualifying it would be a shame to stop now.
Get through the next few months and then find somewhere that offers more social hours.
You could go straight to community nursing when you qualify, hard work but mainly more sociable hours than hospital. And more likely to be willing to offer part time hours that suit you better (if you like community that is and don't listen to any one who says you have to work in a hospital to consolidate your knowledge, that's nonsense).
And then work out what you are really interested in and work towards that in your career.

AntiHop · 24/12/2019 23:11

Stick it out. You're so close. Also look at jobs for charities and similar organisations in places like charityjob Website and the guardian jobs website. There are options where you could use your nursing skills but in a non nursing job.

gemdrop84 · 24/12/2019 23:20

I don't really have any advice but I know how you feel op. I'm in my final year too and the doubts are really creeping in, I don't feel anywhere near ready for the responsibility and if I'd known what I do now I don't know if I'd put myself through all this. However, I've decided I've come to far to quit now and will keep my options open. I feel that qualifying will open a lot of opportunities work wise. Best of luck op whatever you decide to do and merry christmas

crosser62 · 24/12/2019 23:22

Totally understandable.
It’s tough out there, really really challenging.
I’m 30 years in and just would never encourage any one to go into the profession.
It’s getting harder too with 70,000 shortfall of nurses in the next year.

I finished a horrendous night shift Sunday morning, was then on a long day (7.30am-8pm) on Monday. My feet still hurt on that day shift, I felt hung over and unsafe.
I felt unwell but that is normal and expected.
My poor poor children just never spend time with a fun, rested and cheerful mum. I’m too busy keeping my head above water, being shattered, sore, rushed and stressed.
I get you, I agree with you, best of luck.

Feelinggoodashell · 24/12/2019 23:26

I’ve been a nurse for 12 years. It’s terrifying when you qualify and in those final few months of the course. And huge doubts are normal. Finish the course and then if you do six months and hate it then look at other options. I have loved every job I’ve done and had some amazing experiences which I never thought possible when I was a student. I work 9-5 and have done for 10 years. I became a band 7 after 5 years.
Life is short so if you qualify and Hate it then do something else. But I think you will always regret it if you don’t finish the course after all your hard work. Have a chat with your uni tutors as this feeling is very normal in third year. It’s very overwhelmingly but very proud, you have already achieved so much and helped so many.

BuddhaAtSea · 24/12/2019 23:43

I knew you were a nurse about to qualify before I opened your thread.

Ok, listen. No one was born knowing everything.
We have a bullying culture in the NHS and we tend to eat our young. I was talking to a friend who said a newly qualified cried several times on the last shift, then called in sick. It’s because they’re short staffed, overworked and tired to the core. She felt awful and said next time the phone rings, she’ll come in to pick up the slack, she’s feeling guilty.

Not all days are like this. Some are better than other.
However. The vast majority, if not all nurses have been where you are. Most of the time it’s a supportive, friendly team. Really deep friendships are forged and when the going goes tough, they all rally for the patient, picking you up with them.

The lack of knowledge should scare you. But it is a temporary thing, you’ll soon pick up amazing skills and you’ll be in the position to mentor others, impossible as it may seem. It’s not a job you learn in 3 years.
Have you had a really supportive mentor along the way? Go back for a chat.
You’ll be alright, they’ve got you.

Babyroobs · 26/12/2019 21:37

I also guessed this was about nursing before I read your post. I've just left Nursing after 30 years. I wish I had left much sooner, it's ruined my life.

Original poster
TheVeryIdea · 28/12/2019 03:04

Thank you all for your replies, and yes, I absolutely agree that I should finish the course. It's reassuring to read these worries are fairly normal.

My hope is even if the job is unbearable, if I stick with it for a year or two I can find another area once I've found my feet.

It's an ICU where I've been offered a job and I'm very nervous that the intensity of the area will be too much. I'm just hoping they'll be a supportive team and it'll all work out.

OP posts:
Silvafox · 28/12/2019 03:12

Nurses' pay isn't crap; there must be a lot of very well paid people on here to say that.

Pixxie7 · 28/12/2019 03:42

I am a nurse and completely understand how you feel, it is scary but never be afraid to say you don’t know. I agree that the pay is rubbish particularly for the responsibility you will have.
I would see how it goes and you can always use your qualification as a springboard to other careers. Congratulations and good luck.

eaglejulesk · 28/12/2019 04:19

I worked with a woman who joined our IT department shortly after she qualified as a nurse with top honours in her year. I never discussed it with her, but obviously she decided nursing wasn't for her. Hopefully things will be clearer in your mind once you qualify, but please don't feel pressured into continuing with nursing if it doesn't make you happy. Good luck with whatever you decide. Flowers

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/12/2019 04:21

Friend loved nursing but was made redundant a few years ago.

Wasn’t allowed to go back in the NHS for a certain period of time because of her redundancy package so she ended up doing drug testing.

Not exactly 9-5 but she enjoyed it.

She tried to get back in the NHS but they wanted her to get a degree so she didn’t bother
I think she now works a very 9-5 job in the private sector

Original poster
TheVeryIdea · 28/12/2019 04:56

Thank you all, it really is helpful to hear from others who've felt like me or who've known others who have.

I do love the job. I love the patients and I love supporting them through the toughest of times. I love being an advocate for my patients and feeling like I've made a difference.

I just hate that it's so hard to maintain a work/home balance, i feel like I barely see my kids, that it's impossible to plan life around shifts, that I'm constantly exhausted from 12.5 hour shifts, that so many nurses are grumpy and rude to younger or junior staff etc

OP posts:
ElluesPichulobu · 28/12/2019 05:08

totally understandable - yanbu - but this doesn't mean you need to give up.

research specialisms and related careers that can branch off from a starting point of being a qualified nurse. set yourself a maximum time limit for how long you will put up with the standard job post qualification before you pursue one of these paths. once you have sufficient experience of the front line work you will be able to choose paths that have more family friendly hours and sufficient pay that you could afford to drop to 30 or 25 hours a week in order to see family more.

PhoenixBuchanan · 28/12/2019 05:28

I'm a midwife and I know it's a tough job. The hours, the pay, the impact on family life- ugh! I hear you!

But there are many, many 9-5 jobs you can do as a nurse once you have a bit of experience under your belt! If you love it, keep going, it will get better.

shoebedobedobedobedoo · 28/12/2019 05:52

Finish your course and then decide whether to stick it out. I’ve been in the NHS 20 years (not as a nurse). I would PAY my children NOT to do nursing. IMHO it’s the worst job in the NHS in terms of pay, how hard you work, lowest glass ceiling, and ever increasing levels of responsibility with no reflection in pay. I love my nursing colleagues and they have my greatest respect, but I seriously wouldn’t want my DC to do it.