workplace relationships after a grievance

[strictlymomdancing]

long story short, I had a grievance against my manager which includes discrimination. Its been partially upheld (but only what I consider the 'minor' points) and I'm appealing and taking them to a tribunal with my union support. I have a lot of evidence in my favour.

I've been off sick, but financially I have to return in the new year or February at the latest. I'm terrified. I will still be in the same team as this woman as I wanted to stay in the same job. She will not be my manager anymore which is a key thing I asked for but being around her will be hard as she causes me to have panic attacks. Furthermore, the rest of the team flat out lied in their witness statements, despite me having my own witnesses who backed me up, and also having email evidence.

So my worry is....how am I going to cope? How do I avoid another panic attack? What if I go back and people give me the cold shoulder or worse start verbally attacking me / defending themselves / making excuses etc?

Senior management have assured me that my concerns are being taken seriously and they want me to 'feel safe' yet in the same breath don't uphold my allegations of harassment, victimisation, bullying, or discrimination?

I don't regret raising a grievance. Its been going on for a long time and has seriously affected my health. I'm looking for another job but being disabled its much harder to find one so I need to return until I do.

How do I survive?

ps I will not enter mediation. I don't want to listen to excuses or any more attacks on me nor will I put my mental health at risk by sitting down with this woman.

I was bullied a bit in a job once. The woman was actually nice overall but I felt that she blamed me for everything. The other assistant would make a mistake and she'd say to me 'remember not to do X' and I'd be like I never do X anyway and she would say 'just making sure'. This was constant. He would make a mistake and I would be 'warned' to make sure it didn't happen again and nothing would be said to him? It then came to a head when the other assistant kept being off due to sports injuries and nothing was ever said even though it was self inflicted then I got mortons nueroma in both my feet (one at a time) so at times, I could barely stand but I soldiered on. I got signed off after finally going to the doctor but instead of taking the time off, I asked if they could give me different tasks that didn't involve being on my feet all the time. She said no and then said she was watching my absences? I'd not even been off for it!

We were sat in a meeting room and she patronised me and was treating me differently to other staff and especially the other assistant that had the same job as me so I stood up and said fuck this and limped out of the room and went home. Her boss then said I had to raise a grievance against her if I felt unfairly treated. In the end I couldn't be bothered. I found another job. That's what I would advise for you as well. Use the next month or so to find another job. It's sad but the bullies do always win and it's not worth your mental health OP

@HugoSpritz
The others quite possibly do not really think OP is wrong. It's well known that during grievances, staff dont want to speak out against their employer. It was nothing to do with them, so they dont want to be the one to say "shes right. The manager is a dick". Because they still need to work there.
Just because they lied, it doesn't mean they think OP deserved it.

I don't believe there is any relevance whatsoever in what those colleagues think or how they align themselves. That's immaterial. They want to protect their own position and will never raise their head above the parapet for fear of getting it shot off.

@strictlymomdancing you need to be realistic here, you've raised a grievance and may be taking your employer to Tribunal. The chances of the working relationship remaining intact are slim if non-existent. Sorry, I'd be doing you a disservice by saying otherwise.

Your biggest priority is you, your health and your livelihood. In your position I would be formulating your exit strategy and getting out as soon as reasonably practical. That said, only you can make that decision.

Your description of being afraid to return due to panic attacks and having to face the person who has caused you harm, is something to take seriously. It's very concerning.

If you know February is your deadline due to finances, I would pull out the stops to find new employment. If you already have to cope with disability the last thing you need is additional MH stress. Stay safe, look after you 100% and if it means being signed off for a further period, consider that option

Thank you, and yes I'm already looking for other jobs. I didn't get that other job you advised me on and had a bit of a cry when I heard. I feel like I am never going to escape but I can't afford to just leave.

If you're not willing to look into mediation it won't reflect well.

my union rep asked me about mediation and agreed with me that it was voluntary and I should not be put at any detriment for refusing to participate. I need to think about my mental health and I wont put myself into a situation that causes panic attacks.

I'm so saddened you are put in that terrible situation and didn't get the job.

New Year is a great time to look for jobs, everyone is over the Festivities and looking to change. You'll feel more positive the more you can get out there and get confident at interviews. Make sure your CV is tailored to each job (rather than being too generic).

Take care and do come back for support, that's what we're here for!

I went back to work after a number of colleagues lied in their witness statements at my tribunal. My barrister exposed the lies and made it clear that we felt the boss had told them to lie. In one case, it was clear they hadn't even written their own statement.

I have had to accept that some people will do what they're told when they are asked. I judge them for it, but probably not as much as they judge themselves. They know I know.

We are able to work together professionally. I don't rub their faces in it that I (largely) won my case and that their evidence was pointless. They would prefer that I hadn't returned but they have been the ones who have felt uncomfortable much more than me because they lied and I didn't.