Have 0 friends among coworkers after over 3 years at this job
scenicview222 · 20/12/2019 20:39
So, basically the title says it all.
I am naturally a super shy person but back home in my home country I had at least one person in my workplace that I chatted with regularly. At this job I have none. No one seems remotely interested in getting to know me at all.
At this job I feel like an outcast. I am a foreigner as I am not British and I think that might be a factor as well as my shyness.
I am from Italy but for some reason I am mistaken as a Polish girl. I've had a couple of people ask me out of the blue if I was or speak to me convinced that I was Polish. I don't look Italian and I know but then I don't have a Polish accent when speaking so I don't know why they assume that and even my name isn't a Polish one. Anyway, I say this as undeniably Eastern European people can be the object of unmotivated dislike among some Brits. I cannot think why someone would come and ask me if I am Polish otherwise.
I am always polite and if someone says hi or smiles at me I say hi back and smile. I don't think I present myself as unapproachable or stuck up. The people around my age or slightly younger just flat out blank me. The older ones are a little friendlier at least.
I work together with these people on a shift then they might pass by me on the way out while I am sitting down waiting for my cab and they act like they don't know me at all and don't even bother acknowledging me. I find it disconcerting.
There was this girl I had the induction with who initially would smile at me (of course I would smile back)... now she sees me and if I smile at her she just looks at me with this blank expression. Nothing whatsoever happened - I don't have any real interaction with these people so there has never even been the chance for me to even do anything bad lol. I really don't get it.
Oh and before anyone attributes this behaviour to a bad day or something like that. That has been happening every single time now so she can't be having a bad day all the time (and it's not that anyway as she hangs out with others just fine).
I have also noticed people working close to me don't even try to initiate chats with me but if they are put to work with someone else they will have a chat, etc. I am talking about newcomers as well so it's like for some reason people don't wanna speak with me.
You will tell me: you make the first move then. Like I said, I am pathologically shy and more so with people I have to speak to in English. Being super shy has never been a big problem for me as at least in my home country there was always the one person who gave me a chance to open up. Not like this here. I have been in this country for like 10 years now and I have 0 friends. 0. Not joking.
Yeah, I am a loner and a homebody but surely even someone like me should be able to befriend one person at least. I don't bite and I am a very calm and polite person. I don't know what's wrong with me that seems to keep these people here at distance. They seem willing to initiate a chat with other Brits like them, even with newcomers like I once was, but not with me. Maybe you can help me understand. Thank you.
SantaBeckett · 21/12/2019 01:21
It must feel lonely , do you have a strong accent that may be hard to understand so the reason they are not talking to you is because they are embarrassed that they do not understand you ?
Could you offer to brew up for people and have a tin of nice christmas biccys to hand out , i know it wont make a huge difference on the day but hopefully it will help break the ice
titnomatani · 21/12/2019 01:24
Which field do you work in?
forkfun · 21/12/2019 11:23
It seems like you have decided people don't befriend you because you aren't British. While this may be true, you don't actually know this. It's usually not helpful to make these assumptions, as there's a good chance you will now (subconsciously) interact with these people in a way that's judgemental.
It's worth remembering that there are millions of non-Brits in the UK who have successfully integrated and made solid friends.
It sounds like your work colleagues and you are simply not interested in each other. You say you have no friend in the UK at all. What do you do socially? I've worked in jobs where I didn't really click with anyone but have made friends outside of work.
Overall, I wouldn't ponder why a particular group of people isn't friends with me, but focus on where and how I can make friends.
Hope you feel less lonely soon.
Especially4u12 · 23/12/2019 10:43
Sorry you're going through this OP. People can be very cruel. Did your work have a Xmas work party? Did you attend?
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