How to deal with a colleague?

[TheTruthAboutLove]

I apologise in advance as this is going to be long!

I work in a team of five, a team leader and then four others. We are in an enclosed office and rarely get to visit other departments.
One of the women in our office used to work with our team leader and also another woman in the office in a previous role. She has a reputation as being a diva, won’t do anything for herself or listen to instruction, basically wants everyone to do everything for her.

About four months ago, she started asking us colleagues to lend her money, it was small amounts at first and then was asking for £80. She got it from one of the other women and took two months to pay it back - it’s well known she is a shopaholic and from what we understand her husband limits her spending and blocked her bank card, hence her coming to us.

As the months have gone on, one colleague has raised a grievance against her as she just couldn’t accept a promotion a colleague was given and so was bullying and belittling to her. She makes no attempt to join in with group conversations, instead preferring to be the best friend of one team member and idolise them for a few months and have them on a pedestal until she has no use for them. She sits as far away as possible from us all in the office and makes zero attempt to integrate.

Which brings me to my problems with her. I do all the IT in the office and have shown everyone several times how to do things with our system - she won’t take it in, she has guides and refuses to do them and asks me which has begun to test my patience as she should be doing what everyone else is. She does things in defiance like a child - we have all asked her to park her car in a different place as where she parks blocks us in, she refuses and just carries on with what she wants.

She has really bad panic attacks, paranoia, believes everyone hates her and we think depression and anxiety too. Cumulating in the Christmas party last week her having fully blown panic attacks because she ‘feels isolated’. It ruined the party for me if I’m being honest, and I’m fed up with it - she won’t admit she has any sort of mental health problem, and she always goes down the ‘I’m not a fucking looney’ line which is incredibly disrespectful.

My Manager called her in yesterday for a chat, and rather than accept the help that’s been offered she decided instead to blame me for all of her problems. Everything according to her was my fault and this is the reason she’s having panic attacks. All because I didn’t ask her one day but asked everyone else if they wanted stuff from the shops at lunchtime. And because I get frustrated with repeating myself as she won’t take any information in.

So I’m now at a loss, I can’t carry on next year in this job with her there and I’m extremely hurt she’s blamed me rather than actually admit she needs to possibly speak to someone or see a doctor. My Manager doesn’t believe any of it but it needs to be managed correctly which I don’t think is happening.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with a colleague like this? Everyone is on a knife edge when she’s in, scared to say anything when she’s around in case it offends her, it’s awkward every single day and I’m starting to feel like my only option is to leave the company to be in a better environment. But if she won’t admit she has a problem, nobody can help.

I went in the new place today to meet the team and spend some time with each of them before making a decision on taking the job

They are all absolutely amazing! All of them work so hard every day and are respected hugely by management - they aren’t in a tiny office, hidden away with dodgy HR practises because they are HR. If my mind wasn’t made up - it is now. New job starting in Feb!

Right decision.

Good luck in your new job! Onwards and upwards.

Congratulations, sounds like the right move!

Fabulous!!!

Congratulations on making the right decision. Management's failure to step up and properly manage your colleague has bitten them in the bum!

Well done!

Well done.
It's difficult managing issues like this. She is likely protected by the disability act so HR will be getting the manager to tread carefully and document everything if they are performance managing her. It can take a lot longer than normal and reasonable adjustments need to be made.
You are right to leave tbh

Thing is, she's only protected by the disability act if she has disclosed she has a disability. It sounds like she vehemently denies having a disability and is refusing occ health assessment that would let the employer determine reasonable adjustments if she is disabled. There really isn't anything the employer can do other than tray her as a non disabled member of staff until they have proof otherwise.

I agree though that they are walking on eggshells because it's pretty obvious she is disabled. But unfortunately that's creating the worst of both worlds for the resft of the team.

Glad you're moving on OP, I came on to say get out, I was signed off with stress for months after trying to power through a less intense situation for a couple of years, always hoping management would step in. It's just not worth it!

Your manager isn't managing properly. Just taking the easy option. I fear this will never change. Because it's the inherent ethos of the company and these things are very hard to change. Almost impossible if Directors/ Leadership are set in their ways.

I know. Because I've just joined a company with similar issues. I'll have to look for another new job!

My Manager this week had her in for a meeting (as she’s been off sick most of the week), and asked her outright if she would go to occupational health - work had said they would get her whatever help she needs with her mental health. She denied again having any sort of issues and said she didn’t want help.

So to me, you treat that person as if there isn’t anything wrong with her, and she should be right down the disciplinary process for her behaviour if were not taking her mental health into account. She can’t have it both ways! But like everyone’s said, there is a huge failure in management there, they do take the easy way out and don’t want to discipline. She’s even triggered absence policy this week, and won’t have a meeting or any sort of letter - but my colleague next to me had one earlier in the year. And this is what annoys people, the double standards.

What can reasonably be done by a Manager in regards to someone like this?

Disciplinary process and performance management.

Disability protection only allows for reasonable adjustment it doesn't allow people to rampage around the office being foul to everyone and not doing what they are meant to. You have to be capable of doing the job that you are doing. It also only applies to recognised conditions so a suspicion she has depression is an irrelevance. I once managed someone with bipolar for example, that is protected but with reasonable adjustment she was still expected to do her job.

The manager should be following due process to either sort this out so she behaves properly or in the end sack her. I've never heard anything like it in my life. Take the other job and don't look back.

I agree with the most recent comments. We cant know if she has disclosed something like depression or bipolat but is refusing OT. The manager wont have told other members of staff, well I would hope not anyway.
There is also a risk that if they go down disciplinary they can increase the mental health issue of the individual (if its obvious). I imagine they have legal involved if it's as bad as it sounds and a settlement might not be far way to avoid disciplinary. Who knows....
Either way, dont make it your problem OP. Get out.

Oh believe me, we are the type of people who would be told whatever had happened and what happens in every conversation.

She will not at all accept that she has any sort of mental health problem, any such question is met with disgust on her behalf that anyone could even think it. This week (for the two hours she was in), she decided to again park in the place she has been asked on SEVEN separate occasions not to, she’s also worked from home whilst sick (as this is her way of getting around triggering absence). She has a blatant disregard for anything - we’ve all worked together for over two years and know what regions everyone has. So imagine, she receives an email intended for someone with the Scotland region, she sends it to the wrong person because she refuses to learn who’s region is what, and refuses to google random place names to work out who that email would be forwarded to. It drives us all crazy when we are receiving stuff meant for other people, but it’s sort of laughed off as that’s her being her. But it’s a blatant failure of her job role!
It’s beyond a joke, she would never get away with this at any other company. In fact I know she wasn’t as one colleague worked with her in a previous job (and in fact told our manager not to hire her) and she was failed probation after six months for not following any processes and her attitude towards colleagues.

I know I’m leaving but it’s therapeutic to write down instances here rather than let them fester in my head till it drives me crazy.

She failed her probation and doesn't do anything different - i.e. improve her performance and the management have done nothing? She has a carte blanche to carry on as she pleases... must feel good to know you will be well out of it!