To think my manager has no empathy

[Hellobee]

I feel extremely upset with my manager who ignores my and my partner's voicemails/emails when I've had a relapse etc. I feel very unsupported.

1. He ignored email he was sent on our son passed away. He apologised months later when confronted saying he never saw that in my email.
2. My partner left a message to tell him I had a breakdown and he did not reply
3. He ignored emails about workplace bullying from myself and another colleague

How would you deal with this? I've been looking for ways to make my exit but i feel i ought to say something to him before i go (not sure what it will achieve) interested to hear your thoughts. Bizzare thing is that people outside our department seem to think he is a very nice guy which he is to your face! Even the union have made some unpleasant comments about him not dealing with vital issues in his department

My manager has also made some unsympathetic comments when I’ve had bereavements and hasn’t been supportive. I’ve not managed to find another job yet but I’ve thought about handing my notice in to him and saying that he’s the reason I’m leaving. I understand how much you want to say something to him, make him feel bad for treating you like this. But he doesn’t give a shit. He ignored an email informing him when your son had passed away. Those aren’t the actions of someone who cares. It doesn’t get much more not giving a shit than that. He’s not going to lose any sleep over any comments you give him. He’s not going to reassess his actions and become a better person. His not giving a shit is likely to further upset you because you want him to feel bad that you feel bad. You’ll have built yourself up to a great speech to him and he’s going to at best be indifferent and at worst turn it around on you and try to gaslight you. So I wouldn’t say anything to him on leaving.

That’s not to say that if you need to take time off and he questions it, that you shouldn’t respond with the truth. That your mental health is suffering and you don’t feel supported. I know you said the union is aware of his actions but I’d make sure HR is aware. It’s time to make sure you’re protected while you look after yourself, he’s not going to do that. With any new instance of him not supporting you, I’d flag it to HR and build up a file against him. If HR want to do a leaving interview (your manager won’t), you tell them exactly what has happened and why you are taking your valuable skills and experience to another organisation.

I’m sorry for your loss and that you have a shit manager Seriously, just focus on taking care of yourself and not worrying about what to say to some vile excuse for a human.