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Original poster

Whats your workplace like?!

33 replies

Kimbaland · 05/12/2019 09:17

So I left a job of 8 years in February because of a toxic work environment that was affecting my mental health. It took a long time to leave because I loved the job, the women in my office were the problem and I was pretty badly bullied.

I've been at my new place 10 months and I cant help but notice this place is much of the same. People are nasty about each other, hunt in packs, emails get sent around bitching about people, there's a lot of backstabbing. While I keep as far out of it as possible and try to do a good job and go home, I do wonder... is every workplace like this? I wanted a fresh start and it feels like out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Whats your workplace like? Is there such a thing out there as 'one big happy family'?

OP posts:

Walesnotwhales · 05/12/2019 12:08

Christ. That sounds bad luck :( I’ve worked in one “big happy family” place, one place that had quite a bit of bitching/toxic to the point of disciplinary action over bullying (but I was able to keep myself at a distance from that) and the rest have been - fine. Just fine. Turn up, work, get on better with some than others, but keep it all civil and happy.

I think the reason I’ve done so well is that I do a “masculine” job. Worked with mostly men, or 50/50 mix at most. The one really toxic place was amongst a department that was entirely female.

FInd a job with men?

crossroads1 · 10/12/2019 01:09

Hi, I started my current job over a year ago and was really excited because they promised so many things in the offer letter as benefits which all started to change or get taken away. I also thought the ppl were nice (at first) but then I realised it is just how you are saying - they hunt in packs and don't like if someone with confidence comes in and rocks the boat. After a year and a few months I am also thinking about leaving because the environment is so toxic. Ppl who used to talk to me everyday have just randomly stopped saying hello when I see them and I've heard this happens to a lot of people. It seems like a lot of trial and error to find a nice group of colleagues, but I suppose the prospects of a new job can be exciting and change is always good!

KellyHall · 10/12/2019 01:14

Practically every workplace I've been in has been like this I'm afraid, sorry.

They have been mostly female dominated but that said, my last job before mat leave I had a male manager who made out he was everyone's friend but actually turned out to be the biggest bitch of all.

I feel I am now in a happy family workplace but I wonder if that's because I'm only there part-time...

Buyitinbamboo · 10/12/2019 05:06

Sorry to say every place I've worked apart from 2 have been like this. I hate myself for saying this but the 2 that have been fine were all male apart from me. I should stress that it's not all the women though, just 2 or 3 big characters that influence others I think.

MiniGuinness · 10/12/2019 05:11

I think the reason I’ve done so well is that I do a “masculine” job. Worked with mostly men, or 50/50 mix at most. The one really toxic place was amongst a department that was entirely female. read; “I am not like other girls”
What a regressive attitude from so many on this thread.
I work with mainly women and we have the most supportive space I know.

soulrunner · 10/12/2019 05:33

ha ha- was about to do #notliketheothergirls.

It's also arguable that women who work in male dominated industries or environments have an easier time because they're not perceived as a threat to the career advancement of their co-workers- i.e. it's not necessarily a positive or indicative that men are "nicer". Unconscious bias is an interesting thing.

HettySunshine · 10/12/2019 06:01

My work is wonderful. There are three men and 15 women across three teams plus one receptionist. We all get on, care about each other (more within our own teams but also across the office) and have pleasant chats in the break room, events outside work a few times a year and the odd night out.

One of our partners is male, the other female and both are approachable and understanding.

We are part of a larger firm with four other offices and I think the main head office (which has a lot more people) is a bit less cosy but I couldn't be happier in my job and with my colleagues.

Don't settle for a job which makes you unhappy. There are brilliant places to work out there.

joffreyscoffees · 10/12/2019 06:04

I work in a public sector office, I love it. There's the usual office dramas but they're usually work specific but overall, everyone gets along - we do our jobs and we have a good tune along the way.

TheoriginalLEM · 10/12/2019 06:09

My work is absolutely toxic. It was until a corporate takeover but now the back stabbing and game playing is rife. It has affected my mental health- i am 2.5 years into 3 year training and I'll leave when i qualify. This breaks my heart as ive worked there on/off for over 20 years.

SimonJT · 10/12/2019 06:13

My work place is very competitive so unfortunately some people are unpleasant and bullying is far too common. I’m just there to do my job, I don’t socialise with colleagues, because of this people have slagged me off before, as department head a newish starter didn’t realise I was BCC’d into any work emails she sent, that was an awkward chat!

Oblomov19 · 10/12/2019 06:13

God. I can't bear to read this. I hoped it wasn't true, thought it was just me, but apparently not!

I'd been in my old job for 5 years happily. And the job before that for 5. Took 2 jobs recently that looked fab, but were just totally awful and incredibly toxic.
I couldn't understand why I'd got it so wrong? Had I over-sold myself or underestimated?

All of you saying it's the same everywhere is just depressing!

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2019 06:24

I work in a female dominated environment, manage a team of men and women and the theme is grown ups doing a job. No bitching, all do our best to work as a team.

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 10/12/2019 06:31

read; “I am not like other girls”
What a regressive attitude from so many on this thread.

Absolutely. I've always worked in a female dominated sector and never worked in a toxic, bitchy environment.

TakeMeToYourLiar · 10/12/2019 06:36

There's aspects of my job I don't like, but not this bullying culture you are describing.

Generally an all female team, but at the moment one bloke. We don't meet up outside work, no one wants to. But everyone is very kind and supportive.

No idea why culture is different to some other work places

Iwouldbecomplex · 10/12/2019 06:41

I currently work for an engineering company that is mostly men. I am the only woman on my whole floor. It's the only place I've ever worked where there is no bitching / backstabbing etc. I can honestly say it's very friendly, family orientated, relaxed. It's the first time I've worked in a male dominated office and it's so different. Every other place I've worked has been full of women and exactly as you describe your current workplace to be.

Thatnovembernight · 10/12/2019 06:45

Nope. I work in a place where there are around 20 women and 3 men and everyone is really friendly.

Divebar · 10/12/2019 06:53

A bit selective there OP.... I work for a big public sector organisation. Overall it’s male dominated but in my office it’s probably 60/40 men/women split. There are dramas because we’re human and not everyone gets on in life but that’s not centred around gender. Some of the most gossipy people are the men. Overall though it’s not a bad environment to work in.

Ylvamoon · 10/12/2019 06:54

I was in a job as you describe OP- I lasted all of 4 months!
Before that and now, I am working in a lovely friendly office environment. The type of work we do requires us to work together. Our manager is very keen on involving everyone in all the little extra tasks- there is no clear hirachie. But it's a small specialist team, I guess that helps!
And it's a good mix of women and men. I did work in a woman only type of office many years ago... it was so toxic, it sucked the life out of me. (I was young and inexperienced, but once I moved on, I swore never again.)

StormBaby · 10/12/2019 07:04

I work in an extremely toxic small team, where one of the men is the worst offenders. They're all just hideous people. I'm completely segregated. If someone brings in a treat, I'm not offered any. People have parties and invite everyone except me. If anyone sneezes they say bless you, unless it's me. It's like school.

However they're all awful. I'm currently the main target of the female office manager, its all so insidious it's hard to prove. She fucks up my work when I'm not there, pisses off my customers so I have more complaints, leaves early leaving work behind which I stay and do, then get moaned at for doing. Yesterday for example she didn't bother to tell me that the early starts we do every December without fail have stopped, so I sat there locked out at 6.45am. Then spoke to me like I was an idiot for not knowing about it. And I've got her for secret santa. Yay!!
I've been applying elsewhere for ages. Got a 2nd interview tonight though!

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2019 07:06

Good luck! You need to get out of there.

Writersblock2 · 10/12/2019 14:40

Mine is awful. It’s never been great but it’s never been this bad. A whole load of new ppl have come in and it’s now toxic. Bullying and backstabbing every day. Multiple of us are complaining about the same person but management isn’t doing anything. I’m looking for a new job.

StormBaby · 10/12/2019 14:43

Thanks @StealthPolarBear, I'm hoping I can hand my notice in tomorrow

Rainbowhairdontcare · 10/12/2019 14:47

I think we are for the most part. Most of my colleagues are in their 20s. Our salaries are fairly low though..

BrieAndChilli · 10/12/2019 14:48

I currently work in an company of just 7 people. we all get on really well, and its a lovely team to work with. Theres the odd moments of moaning etc but generally we are like a little work family of sisters

isabellerossignol · 10/12/2019 14:51

I've worked in quite a few different places over the years and only one of them was really toxic, like you are describing. It's not inevitable and in my experience it doesn't happen in places with strong management.

Keep looking, you can find something better, honestly.

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