Is being fat counting against my DH in the job market?

[BlitheringIdiot]

Just that, really. He is in a very specialised field, and was made redundant in the summer owing to a company restructure. While in that job he spent long hours working from home, and pit on a lot of weight.

He has had a lot of success with getting initial telephone interviews- but every interview he has attended in person has ended in rejection. It's really getting to him, as he knows he is extremely well qualified and very capable- and there isn't a large pool of people who can say the same.

Do, my question is- could size be putting people off employing him? I would really appreciate honest opinions as this is not the sort of thing he will be told when he requests feedback!

Thanks in advance.

It's frustrating for you. My dh put on a bit of weight in similar circumstances and didnt lose it until he retired. Recently our ds sent us a video from 4 years ago and i was shocked at how fat my dh looked.
It may be that you are used to how your dh looks and he may look much bigger to other people iyswim.
I think all you can do is be supportive and help change his eating habits if he is willing to do so.

Yes I do believe that obese people would be over looked for jobs. Because being that level of fat would scream 'lazy' to most people. Also he ll be more prone to medical issues like diabetes. Can you help him join slimming world and join a gym or personal trainer. For his own benefit before he gets any bigger. Most obese people tend to gain a further stone each year. Try and motivate him to lose some weight.

Maybe he could try to lose weight? BTW Im not a slim Jim myself! If he is at home ATM maybe he could visit the Doctor ,or even join a WW ?Try to walk more ,drive less ,low fat diet? Its better for his health long term anyway.

I think it can, but I have a relative who is morbidly obese and in a customer facing role. He does fantastically well in his job, surpasses every target and has had several promotions.

Part of it, i think, is that the customers feel comfortable with him and his advice. He's not some thin city-slick salesman. Hes normal and gives good advice.

It depends.
The last interview I had was points based, so all answers to set questions were written down and recorded. We were also informed that there was a dress code and appropriate, smart clothing must be worn at all times. I do think being smart and well dressed at interview has a baring on things.

Thanks, everyone- there's some great feedback and information to pick through from you all, and I am very grateful.

I'm sure you can imagine, his weight is a bit of a sensitive subject. It does get him down, but he turns to sugary food for comfort and energy. He had put on a bit of weight before we met after being in a serious accident which nearly killed him: I viewed it as a temporary thing, but as a pp said, his weight has crept up since then especially in his last job, when he worked from home.

So I have tried, in lots of ways, to encourage him to lose a bit of weight at least. But he doesn't enjoy the healthy food I make and will eat something else later. He joins the gym, but won't go. And I can't blame him for that in a way, because it must be horrible to walk into a gym full of sculpted Adonises and struggle to work out.

I don't want to make him feel worse by seeming overly judgemental too. The thing is, while I am not exactly ready to run a marathon myself, I cycle everywhere, go to the gym regularly, do yoga and eat really healthily most of the time. So that affects how a conversation could be perceived by him I think. But maybe I need to woman up and have a serious conversation with him about getting healthy if not becoming a gym Adonis...

Could you afford someone to come to him and do a workout at home with him? Or does your local swimming pool do any fitness classes for those new to exercise. Ours does and it looks great fun, the pool is full of people in the same position as your husband.

My husband is only slightly overweight but has been getting steadily bigger - more than his weight, his eating habits have been worrying me. A few weeks ago he saw a human performance expert who has (amongst other things) been able to provide an estimate of his visceral fat and it has been like a penny has dropped as the figure was not good! He has engaged fully, started to exercise four times per week although he hates it and has started to eat the healthy food that I prepare. He has had one review a few weeks after his initial one and there are already some very positive changes in all of his measurements and the visceral fat reading is coming down.

Perhaps you could get your husband to see someone similar? Seeing everything printed on a piece of paper seemed to be the thing that spurred my husband into action.

Wow, a human performance expert sounds fascinating! I will definitely look into that. Have previously paid for personal training sessions etc for him, but they rubbed him up the wrong way as he always feels like he already knows what he's being told (sigh). Swimming... hmmm. He loathes getting into his trunks, but if it was in a group of other people in a similar position, it might work I guess.

It definitely could be a factor.. but maybe not just because of his weight, if it knocks his confidence he might show it more in the face to face stage than the phone.. or they might let you off with more over the phone for nerves and less in person.

It obviously depends on the sector and his size too.. no one wants a personal trainer that looks like they don’t even follow their own advice.

What feedback is he getting from the interviews about why he wasn't offered the job?

it doesn't suggest positive character trait though does it. if i were being brutally honest as an employer (strictly in my own head obviously) i'd be put off in the same way as i would by anyone turning up who hadn't bothered to.. idk wear clean, smart clothes. obviously life, obesity and so many other things are way more complex than that but when you are interviewing you have to make decisions based on quite superficial impressions. there are a lot of good reasons, better than impressing some recruitment knob, to get himself in better shape!

Well I am both fat and old and have had 2 job offers this year so I wouldn't necessarily put it down to size.

FWIW I also wouldn't push the exercise thing at this stage because diet not exercise is the vast majority of weight loss. Diet, yes if he can lose a bit, but TBH confidence is more important in getting a job.

I think it is more likely that he need to hone his interview techniques a bit. One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given came a few years back when someone turned me down for a role but then gave me an unsolicited phone call afterwards to say that they could see I had the skills they wanted but I had not proved it in the interview.

They suggested that in future interviews I should think particularly about what the organisation's business needs and concerns are likely to be and then use the interview to tell them how I was going to solve those for them. ie don't just deliver on the job spec (that is largely a given) but show you can see the bigger picture, see problems coming down the line for them and offer a solution.

Whilst I am admittedly a limited sample of one, I have 100% success rate in job offers since adopting this.

So suggest your DP has a good think around problems in his industry and for his target employers and particularly any which directly impact the roles he is seeking. At interview he should make it clear he is aware of the issues and give his solutions.

Also make sure he knows the backgrounds of senior people in the organisation (linked-in is also good for this) and see if he can find any commonality eg they both worked for the same company at some point, even if a few years apart. People like to hire people like them who they think will fit in.

Hi OP, I'm a careers adviser so the next time your DH has an interview, I'd be happy to give some interview tips. I can check over his CV for him too and give some feedback.

On the weight front, it definitely does influence people's opinions. I noticed colleagues changing their attitudes towards me when I lost 5 stone.

It will make a difference to a lot of people, consciously or unconsciously.

He joins the gym, but won't go. And I can't blame him for that in a way, because it must be horrible to walk into a gym full of sculpted Adonises and struggle to work out.

I've been to a few gyms and none are like you describe. Most people go, work out and go home. I don't care a jot who else is there or what size they are and that goes for a lot of gym goers.

Hi Sassanach- that would be great. I don't think I can pm from the app, but will figure it out once I'm home and have a minute. Thank you so much!

Re the gym Adonii, I know people are just doing their own thing- I'm just trying to see it from his perspective. He's feeling pretty down about everything.

One thing is it can't hurt to lose weight even if it didn't help the job search he would improve his health and energy levels and probably give his confidence a boost.

I personally think low carb is very helpful for people who overeat sugar and carbs even if it's for comfort reasons. The reduced appetite and food cravings on low carb help you feel more in control about your choices even when you are a bit low emotionally. About exercise I would just increase activity slowly and once he is slimmer and has built up fitness with increased walking and so on, something more vigorous like the gym or running will be easier and he may even enjoy it.

Maybe he could join slimming world and try the couch to 5k? If the gym doesnt suit him.

I used to think my weight was partly to blame for me failing at interviews but the main thing was me not answering questions in a positive way.
I'm still fat but it's been years since I didn't get an offer from interview, and I'm a contractor so change jobs frequently.

I'm 5'6", about 19-20 stone and a size 22.

I've never had an issue getting jobs and work in a very professional field (management consultancy in the City).

I'm a contractor so have to find new roles every 9-18 months on average.

Yes. It could well be going against him.

I was recently on an interview panel and the choice eventually came down to 2 candidates. The stronger candidate was obese. Our Chief Exec quite strongly argued that they couldn't imagine the obese candidate doing the job and that they didn't seem 'a good fit'. Finally CE actually came out and said that the obesity could be a sign of lack of control or laziness.

In the end CE made the final decision and non-obese candidate was offered the job but turned it down so we ended up with the fat one after all. They're excellent.

Forget the gym, could you maybe do geocaching/hiking together? Time spent together, he can gain confidence and jobs will follow.

FWIW it is probably not his actual weight but the way he carries himself. If his confidence was up people probably won’t notice his weight

People who are on short term contracts and are not employed are completely different. Obese people do have more sickness issues and therefore from an employers point of view, they might see a costly employee looming. If a contractor is off suck, the contractor doesn’t get sick pay. Therefore when it’s a self employed short term hiring, it’s very different.

Can your DH be self employed? I think the other issue no one has talked about is working from home for, presumably, quite a while. Are these new jobs all working from home? Do employers think he might struggle back in an office environment? Unfortunately some employers view working from home as cushy. So he perhaps needs to strengthen his cv on skills and attributes. Plus losing weight. A personal trainer is better than a gym. But it costs.