Seriously fucked up

[workfup]

I have name changed for this. Two years ago my work (civil service) paid for me to do a qualification (2k online) and the bottom line is I haven't done it. I've buried my head in the sand, no one has followed it up and the deadline has now passed. I've had terrible anxiety and a really bad year which has culminated in my just about managing to keep it together. My manager has not asked and it has just been assumed I think I'm just plodding on with it. I don't know what to do and have written to the body to request an extension but this is going to be unlikely/impossible. I don't know what I'm asking for in terms of advice but any would be welcome.

I think you'll have to negiotate paying back the money in installments if you can't get an extension.

Can you afford to pay for the course again and do it?

You would be better coming clean though and offering to do it in your own time/at your expense, or if it's not essential just pay your employer back?

I couldn't afford it even if I wanted too, a lot of people leave and don't pay it back even though you are supposed to. One colleague did a 8k masters and then left 2 months after completing it. I've written to the body and asked if I can get an extension or pay a additional fee. I'm hoping they say yes. I'm hoping to leave next year anyway so I could just bide my time but it's a horrible feeling

I think that first if all you need to fully own this and stop trying to pass off some of the blame on others for not following it up etc.

Once you fully own it, you can move forward with it.

My first question would be - Would the qualification benefit you if you leave this job?

Yes it would. And I know I'm making pathetic excuses.

If it is seriously bothering you, just take a deep breath and own up.

You're human. We fuck up. It's how it is.

What is your ideal outcome?
To actually do the course (maybe in a different way than distance/self learning)?
To forget it ever existed?
To do a different course?

I would put decent money on your manager just brushing it under the carpet for ease anyway. The paperwork in processing the confession/repercussions would probably be a PITA as much as anything!

OR: just put it aside, let it quietly die its own death and use the learning to prevent you ever making the same mistake again.

🌷 yes you were, but you’re owning it now so...move forward!

As it would benefit you I would see what the providers say and whatever way you have to get the course done. Borrow the money or get a loan if you can’t pay it off with the provider

£2000 is a chunk of money, but to get a qualification that would help you it’s really not a huge amount over a period of time

Plus if you start it now, there’s nothing to own up to 😊

buzz thank you that is probably kinder advice than i deserve!

workfup said with kindness but you do seem to be absolutely beating the shit out of yourself for this quite unnecessarily, how come?

You messed up. Ok, it might be a bit of a shit to unravel, but you haven't been mugging old ladies for kicks. It's just a work course.

You need to pull yourself out of this spiral and deal with it. The fear is almost certainly worse than any possible outcome.

I’d be embarrassed too OP, suck it up- tell your manager, if you’ve not done any of it in the last 2 yrs, you’re not going to start now so be honest with yourself too.