I'd better preamble this by saying I feel very lucky and grateful not to have bigger, crippling life problems like illness, extreme poverty or other terrible hardships.
It might help to explain a potted history of my life. Born into an educated but ordinary and skint family, so a very average start in life. Neither silver spoon nor hardship.
I was shy, easily bullied, but got on well academically. Miserable childhood because of social anxiety but eventually came out of my shell. I was lucky enough to have teachers and family that encouraged me, and I got good results, good degree, and set off on the expected career journey. Qualified as an accountant then into senior management and over twenty years later I have worked very hard to become an Exec Director.
On all of the last three jobs/promotions, I have been mercilessly bullied by my superiors. I know bullying is a strong word, yet the way I have been treated fits the description. I had recently started to accept that if I want to work at this level this is how it is going to be. "Tough at the top".
I've got a really good reputation in my field. However, I often work 12 hour days plus three hours commuting. I don't like the way I am expected to cascade unreasonable pressure down to my team. I feel ethically challenged by the work behaviours, even though I work in an ethical industry.
Recently I'm starting to have immense regrets about the life I've "chosen". I wonder what possessed me to work so bloody hard my entire life (from school age till now) for this? I'm a corporate slave. I'm never detached from my phone, I get no free time or headspace. I've lost almost all contact with my children. I never had enough time for them and I feel in many ways I've let them down by being too tired, too distracted, no time etc.
I earn good money, and I'm scared stiff of what I would do without that money. However, I am feeling that I want to give it all up and do something more normal.
Am I being unreasonable to want to give up for a couple of years and finally send a bit of time at home looking after my teens, cooking, getting my health back?
I look back at my childhood and wish I had done something less ambitious, stayed in my home town, not moved to London, not stretched everything so thin. I wish I had stayed a bit closer to normal, rather than living up to some middle class stereotype with my posh kids and my Waitrose shopping. 