Asked to fake a reference-HELP!

[Furrybootsyecomfy]

I’ve N/Cd for this and fudged some of the details as I am quite anxious and upset by the whole thing and worried about any ramifications.

A good friend and I trained in Social Care at the same time. While they ended up having some periods of unemployment due mainly to mental health problems, I am now in a senior(ish) position. My friend has applied for and got an entry level position in a similar field. I am delighted for them- they are good at what they do and I think they will be great at this role.
When they initially applied they asked me to be a reference and I said yes, thinking that they meant in a personal capacity. Today I opened my work emails to find a form asking me dates, periods of absence etc. We have never worked together!! When i text them to say this their reply made it very clear that they wanted me to say we have.

I’m so angry and upset. I would have been happy to give them a glowing personal reference, and I know this is driven by a desire to get this job after a difficult period in this persons life. But I can’t lie- i wouldn’t want to and if I did I could lose my registration. I can not believe they have put me in this position. I know what the answer is (a firm no) and I know my friend will most likely be angry and hurt. I need a bit of a handhold and maybe some advice that I can pass on to them about next steps.
Thanks for reading.

I wouldn't even entertain that and my reply would have been a very sharp "what on earth were you thinking? I can't do this, and you know that. I will need to reply to inform them that you are unknown at this company"

Sorry, I maybe didn’t make myself clear. I’m not entertaining it, I’m not going to do it.

I had this, but it was supposed to be a character reference. It was like the company could only send out the one type of form with dates employed etc. I just responded saying it was a character reference instead and she got the job.

She wasn’t asking me to lie for her though! That’s not on at all. Refuse.

What a fool! Has she lied and said she worked at your organisation or did she work there but not with you?

Tell your friend you agreed to give a personal reference, not a professional one. Then email the organisation requesting the reference and say that you can provide a personal reference only as you have never worked with or managed the person. If she doesn’t like it don’t bother doing any reference at all!

Worked there but not with me.

Thank you for your replies so far. I am so hurt that my friend put me in this position. I have known them almost 20 years and thought they knew me better than this. I have never even been a character reference for anybody before.

As a PP has said, is there a chance the organisation requesting the reference has sent either the wrong form or they only have one type. Or has your friend made it clear that she wants you to fabricate a professional one?

Giving friend benefit of the doubt, friend may have just filled in your name, job title and contact details and it has been assumed by the recruiting organisation that you have worked together.

I'd tell friend that they can choose whether you complete the form honesty (i.e say 'not applicable' in the sections about work absence) or not at all as the reference may well be checked and verified by new employer. You would stand to lose your job if you'd faked it.

Thanks for your replies.

I think both of these things could be true. I think they may have put my name down without details and i have been sent a generic form. However when I text them their reply made it clear they were happy for me to pretend I had.

Does it only want factual info, in which case can you just pass it to HR and say she put you down as she was still in contact with you?

As PPs have said, they may just have one form? A friend of mine agreed to do a character ref for me and got a form about working with me, dates etc. We have never worked together. She's a doctor and I'm definitely not .

Do check with your friend before you assume she's put you in this position. If she has deceived them, then you just email them back saying, you're sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding as you can only provide a personal character reference. Would they like this etc.

Sorry, I didn't see you latest post OP, silly ads in the way!

Whether there has been a misunderstanding or not, don't say anything in a reference which is not 100% true. Also, if you are asked for a reference in the capacity of former manager / employer, only give the reference if you have specific authority to do so. There are potential legal consequences (employment, civil and, in extreme cases, criminal) for giving a misleading reference and/or one that your employer has not authorised.

I had this happen to me. I just replied to the email saying that although i had worked with the person at that job, i wasn't their superior so had agreed to give a character reference only. They then replied saying that they only took professional references and just asked me to confirm his dates with the company. I then messaged him saying what had happened and he just had to lump it.

I’d reply saying this is a mix up, I know this person to be good at their job and a good fit for the role due to working in the same field/training with them. However I can’t fill in your form. Thanks.

Hi all,
Thank you for your replies to my thread. I messaged my friend today and told them there was no way I could complete that form without risking my professional registration, but was happy to give them a character reference (although atm even that’s on a shoogly peg ). They replied saying I should “forget it” and that they would get somebody else to do it.

I suppose that clears up any hope that this has been a mix up, I suspect that they have falsely specified at application that I am in a position to give a professional reference.
I’m not sure where this leaves our friendship, although just now I’m not sure if I’m bothered. I have studied and worked for over a decade to get to my current position, and to see it treated so carelessly has really hacked me off.

You said she did work at the same place as you, she just didn't work with you. Why can't she get a real reference from her actual superior?

He left this organisation under a bit of cloud, and had prolonged periods of absence, although this was in the context of poor health. I think he was managed out a bit. I actually didn’t even work in the same organisation for a lot of that time, although I do now.

Totally off-topic, but I’ve never heard the phrase ‘on a shoogly peg’ before and I’m adding it to my repertoire. Thank you!

@ItsGoingTibiaK
You’re welcome . It’s one of my dad’s. Usually heard in the sentence “Their jacket’s on a shoogly peg” which, funnily enough, means “They should be worried for their job”!

I’m not sure where this leaves our friendship

It would seriously compromise it for me, but not for the reason you're thinking. I would be seriously angry at a "friend" trying to manipulate and compromise me like that. You are the one that has the moral right to re-baseline the friendship here, not them.