Working away from home.

[Zarahmoo]

Hello
I would like to go back to work as we can barely survive on one wage.

My partner took this farmer job where he starts at 4:30am and finishes around 6:30pm. Depending on jobs.

We now live in the middle of nowhere with no friends or family. My family is 3 hours away and his is 4 hours.

We have an almost 2 year old. Also I'm pregnant with my 2nd.
We can't afford child care for two children. We're not entitled to 2 year funding.

So I had a thought that I would get a job near my mum and work 4 days. Then come home. I'll give her money for keep and looking after my girls.

It will help her out. Plus she said she would be happy to help. It would then mean we could have enough money in the house.
We've been struggling to get the new baby basic things.
I told my partner this but he doesn't want me to do it. Saying I'll be splitting up the family.
He can't change his hours, as his cows come first. His words. Which wouldn't bother me if he owned the farm. It annoying as I would work around my family if it was the other way round.
He spoke about getting another job. But he's being extremely picky. No really applying for any.

To top it off he quite selfish with money. Reminding me over and over that we have no money to spend on Christmas or baby. Yet recently he bought himself a £40.

But that is another issue for another day.

I really want to be able to get my girls things they need. Take them out for trips and adventures. I can't barely afford fuel to go to the park.

I'm lost on what I can do. I can't rely on him. He's shown me on more than one occasion that I can't expect any help from him.

Any tips would be much appreciated and thanks for your time.

Has your DH come up with any other solutions? He sounds incredibly selfish. I know farm work means long hours but if it doesn't suit your family life and you need more money coming in, he needs to compromise or help to solve the issue.

I wouldn't be keen on doing what you are suggesting in some ways but he can't be seeing much of your DD at the moment. How many days a week does he work?

Well I spoke to him regarding his hours. But he says there's no chance for change. This is dream job.

He can get a long break during the day. But half the time my daughter is asleep so he'll see her for about 4 hours a day the most. Never gets up during the night for her.
He only gets three days off a month.
Tuesday every three weeks. A weekend off every 3 weeks.

When he's off he doesn't help unless asked. I don't bother asking anyone more as he explains he's tired.

He isn't coming up with any solution.

Once I asked him if I could go to college for a day once a week. He said he had no problem. But when it came down to having my daughter he let me down at last minute. Then made the excuse of your responsible for child care. Even though I asked him to have our daughter for one day a week months before I applied for college. He gave me this cock and ball story of how he would but didnt.

So it's the same with finding work. I would have to work around him. Which leads me with 7pm to 2am. Which would be good but he won't get up during the night for my daughter and definitely won't do that when the newborn comes.

I can't think what else I can do. Where everyone is happy.

It sounds like a crappy situation.
I would be tempted to do as you suggested and move in with your mother part of the week, work and if she's happy to look after the DC - brilliant.

It sounds like quite a struggle living where you are and DH's hours must make it quite lonely / isolating for you? Do you want to continue living there at all?

Unfortunately it is. I'm trying to think of everything to please everyone. My mother thinks it a great idea. It would help her out too. As I would pay her. Be able to fuel the car better. What ever is left would go towards our family.

Yeah it is isolating. Maybe that's another reason why I'm so stressed. I used to be able to walk everywhere ect. Now it's a 10 minute drive from the park. I feel guilty as I can't afford fuel to take my daughter there.

Its a beautiful place. It would be great if the children were older. I mean my work away would only be until my daughter starts 3 years funding. So just about a year. After all I'll be able to afford for one child.

In that case I’d do it. You say you’re trying to keep everyone happy but I think you have to stop trying to keep your DH happy. He clearly isn’t trying to do the same for you.

Do what’s best for you and your DDs.