Forced out due to fear of presentations

[richdeniro]

Hello all,

Just seeking a bit of advice as I fear I am being forced out of my job because I refuse to do public speaking and present to the entire company.

We have recently had a new CEO start at the company and he really likes the idea of doing of monthly presentations/all-hands to tell everyone what is going on, this is mostly done by directors and senior managers.

He and the leadership team want me as a HR manager to give an update from a People side of things but the only problem is that I have a chronic fear of public speaking, to the point that it is debilitating. I am completely fine in meeting environments and small workshop type situations but the thought of standing in front of 60 people with a microphone and powerpoint presentation fills me with dread.

I have tried everything from coaching, therapy, beta blockers, etc but have never conquered it. I have, at the age of 43 accepted it and realise it may not allow my career to progress but I have accepted that, I have also always chosen career paths and jobs where I thought it might not be an issue. I just want to do a good job otherwise. The last time I had to do something similar in a different company a few years back the anxiety was so bad that I was sick in the toilet, had a panic attack and went home.

I have bitten the bullet and wrote a long email to the CEO, my boss and a couple of others on the leadership team explaining how public speaking affects me and stating that it just isn't something I want to do. This was a couple of months ago but only my direct supervisor has spoken to me about it and suggested the usual things people suggest which are all the things I have already tried. She completely sympathises and said if it was up to her I wouldn't have to do it as she feels the rest of my work is good but says that it isn't going to go away.

I know I do a good job otherwise, go above and beyond and receive a lot of praise for all the work I do but it looks like this is going to be the thing that I am judged on. It has got to the point where I feel I am going to have to leave, the leadership are excluding me on meetings where I should be involved, telling others that I'm not good enough and just generally finding faults in everything I do that aren't justified.

I've been at the company for 4 years now and obviously working in HR know that they can't just get rid of me but I do feel I am probably going to have to leave sooner rather than later just for my own sanity and mental health. However like most people I do have a mortgage and couldn't be out of work for a long period of time, with Christmas approaching there isn't too much out there and not being CIPD qualified (I'm blitzing it but probably another 2-3 months away from finishing) means it is proving difficult to find something else.

The company itself is a media company and the leadership team is very alpha-male where lots of very extroverted people work and so not particularly inclusive or sympathetic for introverts and those that have anxiety about things such as public speaking.

I think that in the couple of weeks someone senior is likely to approach me and tell me that I'm going to have to do it and will be expected to at the next one. I'm at the point now where I am thinking I'll have to refuse and hand my notice in there and then. I just wondered if anyone might have any other suggestions or if the worst does happen and it comes to that I might have any chance in asking for some kind of settlement figure, could there be any case in constructive dismissal or something along those lines?

Thanks in advance.

Might be a stupid suggestion or impractical, but could you film yourself, record it and have it played on a screen or something? We do something similar where i work but the update from our dept head is a video on the intranet.

I did think about that but it's not really done in that kind of format, it is also streamed to the other offices we have around the world and the HR managers in those locations give updates from their side - it's why I'm being more pressured doing into doing it recently. The last couple of months I have done the slides and another member from the leadership team did the actual presentation but because the other HR managers in those locations are doing the ones for their office I think the CEO and leadership team here are going to make me do it regardless.

I think you may have to look at it differently if you do want to stay. This is a skill that lots of people find very difficult but like with all things that are hard, you either bite the bullet and do it or you leave.

As HR manager, it's not an unusual request for you to address colleagues.

I hope you can find a way through. I know you have said you've tried beta blockers, did you try propranolol?

PS am not minimising your fear btw. But equally, although difficult and potentially unpleasant for you, it's not impossible.

If it's streaming to other offices there's no reason it can't be prerecorded and streamed to all offices including your own. Have you tried EMDR? That's about the only thing I've seen properly work to overcome it.

It’s a perfectly normal and reasonable request and 60 people really isn’t that many. It is now a reasonable expectation of the role - as an HR person a significant part of your role is to be a change agent and role model, which involves effective communication. By the way, plenty of introverts are good presenters and plenty of extroverts are crap, and being nervous is also normal.

As an HR manager, do you think you have a case for constructive dismissal?

Hey, unfortunately no advice as you’ve already tried everything I would suggest... but wanted to say you’re not alone. I’m a senior manager and exactly the same when it comes to public speaking. I know the dread and physical symptoms all too well. I truly wish you the very best of luck in whatever you decide x

I feel exactly the same as you about presentations and am also a senior manager. I think the difference though is that I'm happy to just say to my boss that I don't do presentations (like you I'm fine in meetings and with small groups but I'm not going to stand and present to a large crowd!). When I've been asked to I just say in a confident voice that it's not something I do but am happy to get one of my team or a colleague to do for me (there is rarely a shortage of volunteers) I've always thought it ridiculous to try to force people to do big presentations if it's not core to their role.

@Humpdayruminations i don't know who is doing EMDR for this type of thing , but EMDR is an intervention for a PTSD type trauma.
People need to be screened thoroughly for EMDR.

CBT would be more appropriate in this situation, with a graded exposure approach.

I've always thought it ridiculous to try to force people to do big presentations if it's not core to their role.

Unfortunately these days it's expected that if you're in a senior role, you should be capable of presenting so it's become core to roles at senior (and middle management) level. In my industry, saying to your boss that you "don't do presentations" and getting a colleague to do it would be career-ending.

OP I'm sorry this is so hard for you. As a worse case scenario, can you ask your employer to pay for some coaching or similar for you? I know you say you've tried but you never know, it might help this time. And if it doesn't, at least it will buy you some more time to complete your CIPD.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls I've known three senior executives who have had EMDR to get over paralysing fear of public speaking. It was done privately of course. All three found it to be very effective. My own mother had it for fear of flying. It absolutely can and is used to help people get over an extreme fear response.

It's not constructive dismissal expecting someone at management level to present on their subject area to 60 people when everyone else at the same level does it. If you realise yourself that you'd need to ask them for a 'settlement figure' then you also realise that they won't feel any need to offer you one. Which means they will know they are not legally vulnerable, which means there is no reason for them to pay you off.

If you had a disability which meant you couldn't do this, then they'd obviously have to make reasonable adjustments. But that isn't what this is.

It's nothing to do with being introverted. I am very introverted. And if I had to present on my subject area to 60 people I'd be fine with that, I can waffle about what I do and what I know, no problem. I wouldn't like it, but I'd be fine doing it.

Being an introvert is about preferring time on your own, and needing time on your own to recharge from time spent with others, which is draining. Spending a few minutes presenting to a large group is fine for an introvert, as long as they are not doing it all the time without recharging time.

I used to be terrified of public speaking, or anything where anyone might be looking at me. I'd hate it and resist doing it at all costs. I used to get nervous even having to speak in a meeting. The reason I am not now is because I have a lot more confidence now. I was terrified when I was at HR Officer level, I started getting more confidence when I was an HRBP-type role, then when I was an HR Manager, no problem.

Anyway, I have lots of sympathy for you, because although I'm fine with that stuff now (to the extent I am now fine putting videos of me talking on the internet for 8 billion people to see), because I have to be, I can certainly remember what it felt like not to be fine with it.

However there are HR Manager-level jobs where you wouldn't have to do that. I would suggest looking to move elsewhere, as it seems it is important in your job, and also it seems like the culture and workforce profile isn't perhaps a good fit for you anyway.

I suspect the issue isn't going to go away at your current company, but if you're only 2-3 months away from a qualification, you can surely string the current job along until then.

If someone senior does ask you in the next few weeks, mention that you're trying to work on it (having some sessions with a counsellor/hypnotherapist/japanese witch doctor etc) and that you hope that this will work. Christmas will come and go and waste another few weeks. You'll get your qualification and then you can look for another job.

To be fair you could just accept that you will do it badly and do it anyway. No one is the full package, none of us are amazung at every aspect of our jobs.

It's not a core part of your role, they can't discipline you for doing it badly but they can for refusing to do it.

Just do it, ask yourself what's the worst that could happen.

Thank you for all the responses particularly the empathetic ones.

I've been doing the role for 4 years now and always receive great feedback in my reviews which includes 360 feedback from the wider company. Up until a few months ago I thought I was doing a great job but obviously this has completely shattered my confidence as it does seem like it's going to be the only thing my job is going to be judged on.

I know many have commented on trying to do something about it, this is something I have been trying to do for much of my adult life. I've had therapy and we have worked out that it stems from having to do a talk to the school when I was 14 and essentially having a panic attack in front of the school assembly. I have tried CBT and also been prescribed propranolol but nothing seems to work, as soon as I am in a situation where I might have to do public speaking I am transported back to being 14 again.

As to why I am being asked, it's because I love what I do and have introduced many new initiatives, such as a new career framework and work experience program for kids from disadvantaged backgrounds. Previously I would send emails or put this kind of thing on the company intranet but now the leadership teams want it presented at these monthly events.

Previously I would send emails or put this kind of thing on the company intranet but now the leadership teams want it presented at these monthly events.

Well, that's reasonable. A presentation is a much, much more effective way to socialise something like this than emails. And if you are senior enough to be introducing companywide initiatives, I do think it's a reasonable expectation that you are capable of promoting them.

I think you really need to do it, honestly.

Could you write it, and then someone else (I don't know the structure in your company, but a Deputy or Assistant or whatever) actually stand up and say the words ?

I do agree with the majority that this is a perfectly normal thing for someone in your position to be expected to do. It is also perfectly normal to feel very, very nervous about doing if you've not been practising over many years. However, your company aren't being unreasonable to expect a presentation from all managers and not just those who are more willing. My suggestion might be a possibility - I don't know.

If you have made it clear you don't want to do it, I would just wait it out. If asked again I would re emphasise that message.

I would also then be prepared I had to do it. I would have a presentation prepped and practised. Then just do it. Could someone do it with you? Development opportunity for someone? You could intro and conclude?

I hate them. I'm introverted. My voice shakes. I blush. I have nightmares for weeks. I still accept I have to do it and just accept my fear. It is only fear.

It feels like you are accelerating this into a crisis it doesn't have to be, OP.
Just tell them you are happy to continue in the role you've had.
See what happens.
If they need to redefine the role so that it must include speaking in front of a large group, then you need to start job hunting.

Could you put together a presentation that reflected what your whole team is doing to Introduce develop these initiatives.
So you could do a bit to camera, interview people who have benefitted, but get one of your team to present it. So it isn't richdeniro sharing how wonderful her department is it is richdeniros department showing what they do,

or just make the presentation & tell them your deputy will do the presenting.

@Humpdayruminations EMDR is indicated for the reprocessing of trauma- it is not indicated for panic symptoms.

In private therapy anything goes ( and private practitioners often do sell & practice dodgy techniques.)

I would never recommend EMDR for anything other than a single past trauma / PTSD as it could be potentially dangerous otherwise.