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Original poster

Childcare is so expensive! Any tips on how to make it work?

53 replies

Firstbab · 10/11/2019 10:08

Sadly I got made redundant just before my mat leave started Sad this hasn't affected my maternity pay as this is expected to run through to March but I am now left with an overwhelming anxiety about what position it will leave me in once my mat pay ends.

My boyfriend works full time and earns a good amount of money so he has agreed to continue paying my fuel bill and half the food budget when I return to work, I also won't have to pay any rent.

I've looked into child care and it's approx £4.50 an hour meaning if I was to go back full time it would be over £900 a month! There is no point me going back!

My issue is I have bills of approx £300 a month that have to be paid plus I need spending money - so would need to take home on average of £600 minimum.

I've worked it out that if I go back 20 hours a week and have family look after her for that time then I could still make enough money. But family isn't always reliable... am I missing something??? How do women make this work!!???

Question I'm asking is does any one know if there is any benefit of any kind beside the £82 child allowance? I don't think I'm entitled to income support or childcare? Not at least until she's 2?! What am I meant to do in the mean time!!! Confused

OP posts:
JustMe9 · 10/11/2019 15:47

£900 a month for full time childcare is NOT a lot. Even if you were on a MW you would earn more than to cover childcare. My suggestion is to find a job that pays more than MW. Thats all. Thats how we ALL manage.

orangeteal · 10/11/2019 15:50

@OrangeSwoosh if you really can't see the issue with the fact you pay for all the child related payments (incidentally or otherwise) then we may as well leave the discussion there.

Mamabear1988 · 10/11/2019 15:52

I don't mean this to sound nasty or harsh but you either suck it up as a temporary thing or you leave your job.
I left mine after the second and just went without stuff. We have a joint account and everything just comes out of it. We had enough for Bill's. Sold my car, no eating out, no new clothes, no salon treatments etc etc. I work now and it was hard to have next to nothing but I wouldn't change it, it worked for us.
Have you had a chat with your partner about it all? Who will be taking time off to look after the child if Ill etc? You have to work out of its feasible. For us, it wasn't. Husband was a much higher earner and him taking time off etc affects his bonuses so we decided I'd be the one to have an extra 18 months off til 1 was at school and other on free 15 hours.

Mamabear1988 · 10/11/2019 15:53

Btw I don't really have a way with words so hope not to offend!

Ditsythespider · 10/11/2019 16:03

It’s hard op, I’m a single mum and find it really difficult.
Ok so if you think you family who will help but might not be reliable could you look at one day a week cover between a group of then? Eg if you have both your parents willing to help they’d probably be more likely to provide one day every two weeks cover each rather than one day a week and that way you know you have a regular one day of child care cover in place.
Other options, you could buy childcare vouchers if your new employer does them which would save you some money.
You could also look at the work pattern you are going to take on. Do you have the option to condense hours over less days? Work shifts around your partner? Do flexible working?
Do you happen to be one of the really really clever people who chose a career you could freelance and do at home (I was not smart enough to think of this pre children Grin)

I personally buy childcare vouchers, condense my hours over less days which is the best I can do.
Hopefully you can come up with a solution.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/11/2019 16:04

Honestly, he isn't doing you a favour by covering your costs while you are not working due to having his child. You need to stop thinking of it like that.

As for childcare, add it to the total cost of running the household. Then split that cost proportionally to your respective incomes. It is just another household cost.

SciFiScream · 10/11/2019 16:16

Ways to make it work:

Both parents compress hours if possible to maximise their earnings and reduce the amount of time child is in paid for childcare.
e.g. both parents work their full hours over 4 days. One doing Mon - Thu, the other doing Tue-Fri. Child only needs to be in care Tue/Wed/Thu

Both parents maximise tax efficient ways of paying for childcare

Both parents see if there are any family members who might be in a position to help out

Parents work different shifts from each other (like the first example but more so) eg days versus nights or weekdays versus weekends

dogcrazy · 10/11/2019 16:17

Honestly, he isn't doing you a favour by covering your costs while you are not working due to having his child. You need to stop thinking of it like that
this!

You need to work out your household income, all outgoings and make sure you both have spending money after. If he doesn’t earn enough to pay for everything then fair enough but it sounds like you’re being put through unnecessary stress when he does. Out of interest is the home his or jointly owned/rented?

Hugsandpastries · 10/11/2019 19:51

In London I paid over £900 for just three days a week. Didn’t have much left over, but looked at it as a long term investment in keeping my job going - if you leave it’s not always easy to go back. Then the term after they turn three it gets much easier as they get their free hours. If I’d been living on my own and having to pay for all bills on my own there’s no way I could have managed though.

Original poster
Firstbab · 10/11/2019 21:47

@JustMe9 Christ.... this is the first time I've used mum's net. I expect it to be the last. I'm quite taken back by these unhelpful rude comments... what happened to girl power! BlushShock

However, thank you to everyone who made a helpful contribution to the chat.

I can clarify once again that my partner IS paying his way! The set up we have works for us and this isn't going to change. My reasons for coming on mumsnet was purely to discover if there was any further financial aid to new mum's.

Being made redundant has made this whole process rather tiresome. Smile

I'm sure I'll figure it out. Thanks to the first comment with the link to the web - this was what I was looking for.

OP posts:
orangeteal · 10/11/2019 22:05

what happened to girl power!

What happened to it? It grew up and experienced the reality of motherhood in a patriarchal society. What you see here is women informing women, you just don't like what you've read.

stucknoue · 10/11/2019 22:09

4 extended days rather than 5 (same number of hours) can work well. Tax free childcare. Or do what many of us do, tighten your belts and go down to one income

DesMartinsPetCat · 10/11/2019 22:10

what happened to girl power!

Was girl power ever about going on benefits because your boyfriend didn’t see childcare as a cost he should pay for his own child?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2019 22:15

OP is it possible that the questions about your boyfriend contributing towards the childcare have touched a nerve?

If childcare is 900pcm and you and he share it, then it's 450 each. Less if you are able to get the tax free childcare help.

maternity123qwe · 10/11/2019 22:17

Tax free childcare means the government pays £2 for every £8 you pay in.
Could you look for an evening job rather than a daytime job or a weekend job? Not sure what profession / job you are going back too.

I’d also remember it’s not forever, 30 free hours (if you both earn over £100 a week) help hugely at aged 3... which really is only two years after you go back off mat leave.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2019 22:18

Working opposite shifts to dp for the majority of the week would reduce costs too.

OrangeSwoosh · 10/11/2019 22:20

If childcare is 900pcm and you and he share it, then it's 450 each. Less if you are able to get the tax free childcare help

But what if the partners existing outgoings don't leave £450 a month left for "his half" of the childcare? Does he only pay "his half" the rent and utilities and expect OP to pick up these costs instead? I imagine these add up to more than his £450 share of childcare fees.

Not everyone on MN has an endless monthly salary...

flowery · 10/11/2019 22:22

”But what if the partners existing outgoings don't leave £450 a month left for "his half" of the childcare?”

OP said herself they’d be splitting the childcare in half. I expect if that meant he’d be asking her for more money she’d have said so.

Original poster
Firstbab · 10/11/2019 23:34

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz not at all ShockGrin I'm just in shock to how rude some of the reply are! I was only asking for advice jeez... Shock @orangeteal your just plain rude.

OP posts:
orangeteal · 11/11/2019 07:39

In what way have I been rude?

BeanBag7 · 11/11/2019 07:51

Could you work evenings or weekends after your boyfriend gets home from work, so then he can care for the child while you're working?

What is your area of expertise?

RedskyToNight · 11/11/2019 07:59

People round here tend to make it work by "working round each other" - this ranges from one partner starting early and finishing early, while the other starts later (so leaving a small window when childcare is needed) or working shifts so they are never on the same shift; or one works days and one works evenings/weekends.

If you do have helpful family nearby, it may be more palatable for them to pick up the odd couple of hours here and there between things, rather than 20 hours a week (which is a lot). Have you remembered that unless you /your family live next to where you are working, you actually require more than 20 hours childcare to enable you to work 20 hours?

What was the plan before you were made redundant? Can you still make that work now (new job allowing, of course)

drspouse · 11/11/2019 07:59

I think the OP is, like a lot of new posters, wanting HER answer. That's not what you get on Mumsnet. You tend to get the RIGHT answer even if you don't want to hear it.
Any benefits application sees you as a family. Joint expenses. You need to start seeing yourself as part of a family too, as does your DP.

SciFiScream · 11/11/2019 13:39

Here's some well researched and recent info from Martin Lewis Money Saving Expert website:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/childcare-costs/

SciFiScream · 11/11/2019 13:46

This is the money advice service offering

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-with-childcare-costs

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