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Too stressed to work during the grievance process

38 replies

AdelaideD · 08/11/2019 00:24

Hi it's my first time posting in this amazing forum.

I have been back on a phased return for 3 weeks on short shifts and due to work full days 35 hours this week Monday. I've also been working in another office away from the colleague I've put a grievance against but I still feel extremely stressed/anxiety and struggling to work. The colleagues in the new office were nice to me during the first week, but started ignoring me after they found out I put a grievance in (not sure how they found out). I came face-to-face with the bully I complained about one day last week and it made me very upset. I've already had five months off and just came back. I am dreading going to work on Monday. Shall I call in sick or request emergency annual leave for the week? What would be a valid reason for emergency annual leave? Will they take action against me if I do call in sick with stress again? I'm also unsure about how this will affect my pay if i go sick, as i was on half pay when I returned from long term sick leave recently then onto a phased return.
My union have been very unsupportive in all this which has made matters so much worse for me. Will i be able to request a refund from the union?

Please help

OP posts:
MrsMaiselsMuff · 08/11/2019 11:14

The best way to get that is to go in and hold your head high. If you're getting upset when you see her, she knows she has won.

You're not going to find out why she has picked on you, and there's often no reason at all. She's probably just a very unpleasant person.

If it goes on her record, it won't be there indefinitely. Depending on the severity of the warning it may be off her record in six months.

Whatever happens to her doesn't affect you. Work on either returning to work (so you don't end up on a disciplinary yourself) or finding something else. Good luck.

Anotherlongdrive · 08/11/2019 11:29

I think some of your wants are unrealistic.

You wont find out the reasons why, this has happened. Nor can you ensure others see her true colours. Some people will still side with her regardless or believe there some circumstance that would make their behaviour acceptable.

NorthEndGal · 08/11/2019 11:35

She is not under any obligation to explain herself, or her reasons

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 08/11/2019 11:59

@AdelaideD you may well no this but you have no control over what other people do.

So your wanting to understand "why" she did it , and wanting HR to take particular actions is likely never to happen.

I had an awful time at work last year and in no way did I ever receive justice... i decided not to be angry and instead thought about how i could make my life meaningful.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 08/11/2019 12:01

Also it is pointless not wanting to leave without a fight if throughout that time you are unhappy.

AdelaideD · 08/11/2019 12:01

Thank you for all your advice
I was not expected all those wishs/points to become reality (I'd be happy with one or two positive outcomes) I had to try.

I've decided to go to work on Monday and wait for the outcome of the grievance. I will also attend the interviews I have lined up and await the outcome of those. I guess I will just see how things go.

Sorry about the errors (I've been using a phone to type without my glasses) + English isn't my mother tongue.

I will update you on how things go. Do continue to share your experiences/suggestions and opinions about my issue but please be gentle in your delivery as I am very fragile right now.

Many thanks

OP posts:
AdelaideD · 08/11/2019 12:15

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls
Sorry to hear about your situation...did you stay in the job? You're right about it being pointless to get justice if you are unhappy in the process (I never knew it would make me unhappy) I've stated the reasons I've put in the grievance (I've never experienced any of this before and have been very lucky in jobs until now).

OP posts:
AdelaideD · 08/11/2019 12:17

Agree that i may have been very naive in some of my expectations but it's done now and I do not intend on withdrawing my grievance (not sure if that's even possible nor do I want to).

OP posts:
misspiggy19 · 08/11/2019 12:21

If I was you I would try to get a settlement agreement

daisychain01 · 09/11/2019 04:37

If I was you I would try to get a settlement agreement

This is not good advice (sorry), not least of all due to the stress involved in the OP to have to convince their Employer that they have done something unlawful (when they haven't, based on information given).

Bullying is not 'against the law' in U.K., and there has been no harassment (the act of targeting a protected characteristic) that might give cause to @AdelaideD's employer to want to mitigate against a tribunal claim. This is often why Employers try to minimise bullying (even when they state in policy they take it seriously).

@AdalaideD - If your employer does have an anti-bullying/harassment Policy, it's worth pressing the point home that they are shirking their own stated responsibilities by not addressing the matter responsively - they sound utterly inept. It is typical of companies that try to kick it into the long grass rather than confronting the matter of bad behaviour by staff.

As an example, my organisation's message about anti B&H is prominent, and they do address it promptly if there is sufficient evidence. It makes a massive difference to how (the majority of) people treat each other when they know there could be repercussions on them if there are reports made of bad behaviour. A few nasties will just about 'stay this side of the line' (the excuse being "oh Person X doesn't suffer fools gladly". Um no they are a nasty unpleasant person!)

Defining what constitutes bullying is very tricky, and to some extent subjective, so it is worth highlighting "Person A did X and they made me feel Y" when describing the circumstances. Words such as humiliate, isolate, shame, threatened, frightened, can be powerful when trying to convey the daily challenges of someone targeting unwanted behaviours on you.

Justapatchofgrass · 09/11/2019 10:16

Do you think the bullying is racist?

OtraCosaMariposa · 09/11/2019 14:33

I am not an employment expert. I read the advice on a settlement offer as "get the employer to see if they'll do you a deal for just leaving quietly and not dragging this on any longer".

It's not in anyone's best interest to have an employee off on long-term sick not working and having a grievance dragging on. If the employer would be willing to bung the OP a few quid to disappear, she might go for that.

daisychain01 · 09/11/2019 20:57

A settlement agreement is used to get rid of a problem. Currently, the employer doesn't even seem willing to administer the grievance process, let alone admit there is a problem to solve.

A company will never do something until they have to do something - which is normally when an employee has a strong enough case to take the employer to Tribunal. What incentive to they have to pay off the OP at this time?

What sometimes happens is that the process becomes increasingly protracted such that the employee decides to resign, job done and no expensive payout. In this case, the OP is already applying for other roles, so that's not an unreasonable assumption.

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