Pregnant Colleague causing atmosphere at work

[ToDoListAddict]

Just need to vent really.
Pregnant colleague is causing an awful atmosphere at work. She's increasingly paranoid that people are talking about her.
Refuses to talk to any team members, so basically isolates herself from the team then reports the team to HR for excluding her.
Constantly complaining how stressed she is.
Cries over nothing.
Spends the majority of the day glaring at everyone.
We're too scared to speak in case something offends her in some way. Not that we're saying offensive things, but say if another mother says her child plays with an iPad but she doesn't agree with that, then she'll get all offended that they don't agree with her way of raising a child.
It's all so very political as apparently she's untouchable due to the pregnancy.
Can hormones really make someone that insane?
Should we be concerned for her mental health or is this somewhat normal?
How do we get through this??? She's not on mat leave for months!!!

What was she like before she got pregnant?

It's all so very political as apparently she's untouchable due to the pregnancy.

And there is your problem. She knows she’s untouchable now because if anyone does complain she’ll just play the pregnant card.

Are you serious? Jeez. Post this on the pregnancy board and see the response you get, I dare you.

How is it jealousy to not want to work in a toxic environment? Doesn’t matter who you are, if you are being a dick you should be able to be pulled up on it. Regardless of who you are.

Plenty of women manage fine at work despite being pregnant. Look at the ones who continue to hold down demanding jobs where essentially they have to get on with it and carry on as they did before. HR probably needs to sit down with your colleague and talk about what she's finding difficult and try to sort out a way forward.

Prenatal depression is more common than postnatal depression so yes pregnancy can make you crazy or as most people refer to it a mental health problem.

Why on earth is it HR's job to sort this out? Off topic but this is a people management issue and the manager needs to manage the situation. If they don't know how, then get advice from HR. What is your manager doing about this?

Google antenatal anxiety and antenatal depression.

Sounds like she is having a tough time.

“untouchable due to pregnancy”, ha ha haaaaa.

It’s a management issue and her manager should be, well, managing it. It might be that she’s developed mental health problems due to pregnancy or it might be that she’s just mean and weird but either way, manager should be on it.

If it’s causing problems for you getting your work done then bring it up as a factual issue. Like “Lucinda yelled at us all and stormed out of the room when I said I’d bought my niece a Peppa Pig doll, now we can’t find her for the meeting and this is having such-and-such an effect on the team”, not “Lucinda’s gone all WEIRD since she got pregnant, but Sam said that Gavin said that Emma’s mum said that you can’t do anything when she’s pregnant so I don’t know what to do.”

@Pinkblueberry She wasn't the easiest person to work with before the pregnancy but her mood swings were less erratic and we had some good times as a team
But the last couple of months have been very difficult

@OlderthenYoungerNow
Tbh my manager is not doing a good job of managing her. He actually said the words "she is untouchable" to me

@Tableclothing
I honestly do think she's having a bad time with her mental health but it's not a subject I can approach with her.
She was suffering pre pregnancy and took some time off but didn't seek counselling or medication (not that she has to) but she doesn't seem to recognise that she was like this before with anxiety.
She just reports us all for random things.

Someone brought her a baby present and she gave them the money for it because the gift caused her too much stress (her actual words).
We're all now too scared to do a collection for the baby in case that causes more trouble

Something similar happened to a colleague in early pregnancy and the manager had a private word with her asking if she’s alright, mentioning her behaviour in terms of how it impacts other colleagues with specific examples, and then performing a new risk assessment to occupational health that included her behavioural issues. OH basically told her to return to the GP and take time off sick until she was diagnosed. After about 4 weeks she was diagnosed with severe antenatal depression. She was put on meds, allowed to work from home whenever it suited her, and the atmosphere at work really improved.

When she returned from Mat leave she was allowed to stagger her return due to PND - ie come in part time initially then gradually increase her hours to full time, and now she’s virtually back to normal.

I just cannot believe how many paranoid posts involve the 'I am pregnant' line tucked away in the post.

When I was pregnant I got on with things just like I normally do. Don't most women?

@53rdWay
You have a very good point.
I need to remember the factual points and bring that up with my manager. As she actually caused me a lot of problems recently with a work project which I need to bring up with my manager but I know he'll try brush it off blaming her hormones etc

@GrumpyHoonMain
I really wished my manager had done it that way!
I'll have to talk to him to arrange this because she needs support but won't take time off as she's terrified she'll lose her job (honestly don't know where she got this idea!)

Could be hormonal. My DH says he was seriously worried about me in the weeks leading up to mat leave with first DC... he said I was really stressy and emotional and he was worried I was going to be like that as a mum (I wasn't). The scary thing... I have literally no memory of feeling on edge or being extreme, but I don't think he was making it up - so your colleague may have no idea how OTT her behaviour is if I'm anything to go by! NB, was fine second time around.

This happened in our team. Very difficult situation and the manager sort of let it play out until one day she had a breakdown and assaulted someone at work, a minor assault but, it was really upsetting. I was the most senior person present and basically had to do an intervention and send her home and then debrief with senior staff later. It wasn't my role to manage her but in the end it became an emergency.

I strongly suggest you plan a productive convo with HR and manager, list the facts, explain the impact, and ask them to intervene with a support plan. They may not listen but at least you will have tried.

What happened with my colleague is, no one intervened and she basically ended up ruining a whole lot of relationships and trust, and she is now depressed and frightened about returning to work and facing everyone. Its extremely sad.