Grounds for formal complaint?

[SueSnell]

Will try to keep this brief.

Colleague (same level as I) was dissatisfied with my working style and quality of output on a recent joint project. Never clear exactly what was wrong, but made very evident. Made for a very uncomfortable working environment but tried my best to keep the peace and do my best. Kept my conduct professional etc. Never once did colleague try to actually speak with me to resolve the situation. I did request meetings etc but always told colleague was 'too busy'.

Colleague then seemed to lose it- excluded me from communications, had meetings without inviting me and basically removed me from the project. Was very obvious to the rest of the team so all rather humiliating.

No strong proof, but fairly certain said colleague has also spoken about me (my supposed 'incompetence') to our peers as well as those senior and junior to us, so feel like my reputation is tarnished. I am relatively new, while colleague has been with company for a few years if relevant. Feeling very humiliated to the point where it's affecting my MH.

I am seriously considering lodging a formal complaint regarding colleague's conduct. Do these sound like reasonable grounds? HR seem to be trying to steer me away from doing so but in all honesty I am furious and don't think anyone should be able to get away with this.

Thoughts? Please be kind.

It's a bit... Wishy washy for a formal complaint, like, what exactly do you want to happen from it? The other person is unlikely to be disciplined as there's no hard evidence she has actually done anything wrong per se.

Can you not speak to your line manager and ask her to coordinate a meeting behind the two of you to get to the bottom of the issue?

Thanks for your response. I'd like colleague to know that this sort of behaviour will not be condoned, and at least think twice about their actions before doing something like this again. This person, I have heard, has form for being somewhat difficult to work with.

I also think it's important for me to be seen to strongly deny what has been said about me. It's been very hard to face my colleagues since this happened. I hate the feeling that people have been talking about me and that I have come off looking bad, while no repercussions for colleague.

On a personal note I may struggle with my self confidence, but was always taught to stick up for myself. I see making a formal complaint as doing just that.

It's not a formal complaint but you should talk it through with your line manager.

But don't feel humiliated. It sounds like your colleague has issues. You have nothing to be ashamed about.

It doesn't sound like you have any evidence but it'd clearly not a healthy relationship. Will you have to work with her again?

You mention your reputation being affected, but you have obviously listened to some gossip to know she is thought of as "difficult to work with".

Making a formal complaint they can't act on isn't standing up for yourself. Talking to your line manager is a great idea though. Is he or she generally quite good?

I have heard that this person is difficult to work with but have not let it cloud my judgement and certainly didn't affect the way I interacted with them. It is just that now I see what people may have meant. I have not acted on this gossip and do not
plan to reference it in my complaint, I just mentioned it here for context.

I do have some evidence in the form of mail screenshots with others copied in, capturing the inappropriate nature and tone (dismissive, blunt, rude etc) of communication from this person to me.

I do have to work with this person again but not usually quite so closely so no concern about getting into this exact scenario again.

My line manager is very good and professional, being as supportive as possible. It just feels a bit like bullying, which I have very strong views against. I can't reconcile the idea of letting this person simply 'get away with it'. But I also don't want to be seen as overreacting, which it seems most people would see a formal complaint as.

You're not overreacting. It's horrible not to be happy at work. But tone is subjective and why is ok to her is not necessarily ok for you. It has to be pretty bad to be universally unacceptable (thinking of the email that was on here a few weeks back )

What about the other colleagues? Anyone nice amongst them. You are assuming they "believe" her about how you work, they don't necessarily at all.

Good that you don't have to work with her directly again. That must be a relief for sure.

Tbh, I think that your best defense is to demonstrate your competence. Ignore this and move on. It's taken me 2 years to break in with a colleague. It isn't me. You just need to get tougher, and making a complaint is not the way, imo.

What you're written is rather vague and very subjective so it's impossile to tel if you should pursue a grievance or not.

You say that your colleague had a problem with "my working style and quality of output". That sounds pretty damning, especially the quality of output as that would be easy to prove or disprove. Can you prove there was nothing wrong with the quality of your work? You need to focus on facts and evidence. Emails where your colleague has been a bit snippy are not going to cut it, especially if you've been underperforming.

If you can prove that your work quality was fine and that it was more of a personality/working style clash, it might be worth considering raising an informal grievance. But you haven't said anything to defend the quality of your work in you posts so I wonder if there was a problem and this is why your colleague cut you out of the project? I think you need to be really honest with yourself here.

Have you tried addressing it with him/her directly?

Have you raised it with your line manager?

Both of those things come before a formal grievance.

Thanks for all of your responses.

Tried to discuss with this person but got nowhere so now going through line manager.

I definitely think there are lessons to be learned on both sides.

Very much appreciate your advice.

I think you need to be pragmatic and unemotional. Keep doing a good job, remain ultra professional and unless it compromises your professional ethics, keep your fervent beliefs about fairness etc. in perspective. Workplaces are not arenas for your moral crusades. Companies exist to make profit / provide a public good. They will manage their employees to that end.