Am I being unreasonable to think that my boss's reaction to me asking to work from home one day a week so i can pick up DS from school is totally outrageous??

[PSCMUM]

Everything was going well. I had just had a 6monthly appraisal in which she said I was doing great, all my cases were on track and I held the fort 'brilliantly' while she was on holiday for a fortnight. So I thought I'd take the goldern opp to ask her if I could wokr from home 1 day a week so I could take kids to school and pick them up - I want to do this as DS was bullied last term and I'd just like to have a more visible presence at school for him. She knows this and was always very verbally sympathetic when it was going on. So when I asked, I thought she'd be totally cool. But she went completely frosty, invented all these reasons why it wouldn't be a great idea -

HER: what if we have a really mad day and you're not here to assist me and I need you? ME: we never have mad days we don't know about in advance and so I can always plan to be in on those days
HER: What about file security? I'm sure we're supposed to lock up files, not bring them home with us?
ME: Lots of other people work from home ad bring files home, we both even do that now when we bring work home in the evenings, and we also bring files to prison, to hospitals, to client's houses, to court, on the train etc.
HER: Well I ahev no objection in principle but its not a decision for me you have to go thru personnel

And then she was just completely forst with me fro the rest of the day. I am so confused. I asked her if I ahd annoyed her by asking and she said 'No, I just don't have anything more to say on the matter'

WHAT A TOTAL TOTAL COW

WE haven't had a nice moment since, and normally get on great.

Can I have some sympathy pls? OR even better, some similar stories. I cannot say how furious I am.

Thanks for listening!

Total cow indeed, how rubbish of her, especially when you had perfectly reasonable responses to her 'objections'.

Sounds as though you may need to put in a flexible working application - do you have a dc under 6? If you do then you have the right to request something like this and your employer has to seriously consider it and provide good business reasons if they can't accommodate you.

I would have a chat with HR if you can. Your boss has said she doesn't object in principle but it's up to them (that's called passing the buck...!), so it sounds like she's just a bit grumpy about it but knows she's being a bit unreasonable really.

Have a chat with HR and if you have a dc under 6, think about putting in a formal request.

I do think she is probably just grumpy about it, knows she is being unreasonable and it will end up happening, and she will hopefully get over it. Not a pleasant working atmosphere for you in the meantime though is it?

Do what she said, put your request through HR.

I feel for you, its so hard to get employers to agree and you take such a risk getting the question out there and when you don't get a sympthetic or cooperative response its quite soul destroying.

I would go to personnel and ask formally with a letter, also describe how it would work, how flexible you can be if a busy day is in the calendar, how your would keep confidentiality. Oh and if anyone else there does it, make sure you remind them that 'X also does this working pattern successfully'.

Good luck, keep your chin up, we would all love to have a bit more flexibility but dare not ask.

Thanks guys, lovely you respond so quickly. I am going to put it through HR happydaddy, its just that it is bound to succeed with her support and also, there is no reason for her to be so Arsy about it - thats my main porblem, not that it won't actually happen, that remains to be seen, but just that I have now caused a shtty working atmosphere for myself (we share an office) just by ASKING! Thats what makes me so furious. I can honestly say that if I am ever the boss, I will not be like that. I felt like saying 'well oyou're right, obviously my being available to assit you is much more important than my children, so fine, no prob. how about i just MOVE IN TO THE SODDING OFFICE?'
but i didn't.

That's cool, I didnt mean to do it to make a point or anything. Just that a formal request from HR she may take more seriously and realise how much you need it.

V restrained!

She'll get over it, she's just being a cow as you say. Get it sorted and just be totally fabulous so she's got no excuse to whinge, make sure everything runs super smooth on the days you are at home, she will be fine.

(putting fuel on the fire) she obviously doesn't have kids ...... or she would understand or maybe she can't get what she wants out of her work life balance....

Why don't you ask her if you could do every other Friday at home? You would still get some exposure at the school gate, but then you wouldn't be away every Friday.

Do you think that this came out of the blue for her? Is she the type of person who doesn't do well with surprises and change? If so then she might mellow after she has had time to think it over. Perhaps give it a week or so before you put your application in so that she doesn't feel rushed into the decision.

Some companies feel that if your working from home and your children are there that you arent giving 100%. We have a few employees that work from home on the odd days but they have to prove that they have childcare in place. Maybe she felt that you would only actually be working whilst the children were at school and not a full day?

Put the request into HR and see how it goes. They may ask you to back up how it will work and what hours you are agreeing to etc.

Hope you get the request granted and that your relationship with your boss gets back on track.

Yeah, the sort of companies that worry about you 'giving 100 per cent' are the sort of companies who will make you redundant without turning a hair, or paying over the statutory minimum.

I do think that if you normally do 9 - 5 hours and you're asking for a day at home for dropping off kids/picking them up, then that is probably appearing to make your working day 9.30 - 2.30. i think you'd just need to re-assure them that you are able to do the same hours that you're contracted for. Is there flexibility in WHEN you can do the work; when they're in bed? Can they be reliably out of the room if you're working - what about confidentiality/professionalism on the phone if the kids are about and you need to talk to someone - would that arise?

I think when you put your request in, just re-assure them on all these points; if you think it would work, and explain how, surely they'd have a much harder job to refuse.

Good luck, I really hope you get it.

Hi PSCMUM,
I work fulll time, but I work two hours everyday from home, the allows me to pick up my DD from school everyday, and even when I asked my manager, she was very understanding (she doesn't have any kids,)be prepared for everyone to think that you are not working full time. I have very often comments as "well with the hours you work" like if I wasn't workign full time, from almost everyone.
If you put foward your request, have every possible problem that may arise with a possible solution. I find this helps me a lot.

Thanks all, thats all really helpful.

I did actually explain to her when I asked that I would be working 9.30-2.30 and then doing 3 hours in the evening - that is perfectly plausible with the kind of work we do, I wouldn't even attempt to work when my children were there! I'd just be doing a cr*p job at being with them and at doing my work, so no , that wasn't what I put across to her at all. I made very clear that I'd be doing the full day, without my children being present at all whilst I was working, that I would be fully availble on the phone and on email at all time while I was working ie 9.30-2.30 and then 7- whenever. The funny thing is, I already do plenty of work at home - its just that its unpaid and in addition to that which I do in my office! I think its funny that one of the posts says that your employees have to prove they have childcare in place! I would resent not being trusted by my employer to the extent of having to prove I had childcare - I'd just hope my work spoke for itself. ANyway, thats a side issue. I'm going to just not mention it for a while, I'm going on hol next week for 2 weeks, and when I get back it'll be school time, fresh start, and I'll sort it out then. I don't really think I'm going to compromise tho, becasue my children are more important than my job, my job will not at all suffer from this arrangement and my children will benefit. So I'm going to go for the full day at home a week, via HR, and if she keeps up the frosty the snowman routine, I might even ask for 2 days!

McEdam - I love your post. I couldn't agree more! I am furious because I am good at my job, I work hard, I have had one day of sick in 2 and a half years, I never ever take lunch unless entertaining potential clients and I do so much extra work that if I got paid for it all I'd be a very wealthy woman. And what do i get? I get chilly ice maiden reception (this has now lasted 2 days) for simply ASKING! o dear. I could go on and on and on.

This sort of thing happens all the time unfortunately. When I worked for a big company, I was turned down for flexible working on the grounds that the site basically couldn't do without me - despite the fact that there were several people higher up from me working whatever hours they fancied. Coincidentally my role was then made 'redundant' a few months later...I was offered a different role which I turned down.
Now there is a bloke doing basically what was my old job

Isn't life great.
Actually I have now swapped careers totally & am much happier, less stressed and glad to be out of that hellhole

Not sure why you think the comments over having to confirm childcare is in place to work from home is funny. If someone is being paid to do a job, then some companies will think its taking the p* to request flexible working from home whilst looking after their children.

I dont think its unreasonable that our company asks what childcare arrangements are in place when requesting flexible working from home. You wouldnt take your children to the office so shouldnt be any different when working at home.

I just think it shows a lack of trust. Do your employees have people standing behind their desks all day making sure they are actually working and not on the internet, or sending personal emails? I just think, we're all grown ups, and I of course would not ask to work from home if I wasnt actually going to work from home! I think its a bit treating your employees like children, who need to be monitored and supervised and cannot just get on with their work becasue they know it needs to be done. ANd I didn't request flexible working so I could work and look after my children at the same time, I agree, that would be seriouslt t*king th episs, - I made that abundantly clear in my request, tho obviously not so clear in my post - sorry - ! Maybe you just have rubbish employees who need watching. I'm not one of them and would not work anywhere where my employers thought I needed watching. I would tak emyself and what was left of my sanity and apply for jobseekers allowance!

Pscmum I don't think you are being unreasonable. I work for a small IT firm and one of the reasons I've been here so long is because my boss is fine about flexible working/working from home. I work 4 days a week with 1 from home and it's worked out fine. My dh has just negotiated 1 day from home too as our dd starts school in sept. I've actually now got a new job, starting in a few weeks - but the new company agreed to the same terms as my current one! This basically meant I accepted their job. Most IT companies in this area are not so accommodating, despite there often being no good reason. As you say, it's sometimes a matter of trust - my current boss knows me and my work and knows I will do the work, whether I'm at home or in the office. He doesn't ask me about childcare, he leaves that to me to sort out.

YANBU but maybe she is:

1. scared that you will start to disappear and that 1 day at home will become 2 days and so on until she loses you to the home hearth
2. worried that your request might set a precedent in the office and that she'll get in flap because of this
3. worried that other people who are not as good or as fabulous as you might want to do this and she certainly won't be able to trust them

There could be a whole host of reasons that are nothing to do with you, especially given the appraisal you had. My boss was certainly very wary when I first suggested it to him and it took a while to get him round to the idea. Remember also that some women who haven't had children sometimes find it hard to empathise with the difficulties of managing the work-life balance (I had an argument a couple of weeks back with a friend who was being harsh to an employee of hers and believe me, she had NO idea of how exhausting/emotional it can get).

I would try to avoid making a showdown of it; I think better to let it drop, continue to show her how fab you are for a few weeks and then go in and ask if she's thought any more about what you mentioned earlier, and would she have any concerns if you out in a request?) You've a few weeks before term starts to play with and better by far to put in a request that has the support of your boss than do something that (for reasons you need to discuss) potentially antagonises her in some way.

What a cow!

And to create an atmosphere just because you asked?!!

Do yourself a little 'business case' in your letter to HR (or in support of your letter).
State your positive appraisal feedback, how flexible you're willing to be, how you will change your day as and when necessary for clients/business needs, how work will remain a priority, how you'll actually get more work done on that day without having to do the commute, how your 4 days in the office will be so much more productive..., and most of all, how working for a company that values work/life balance is so important to you ....

Best of luck

You should work for a local authority - earlier this year we got a warning of 'some snow' the next day and in seconds, all the TS officers had arranged to 'WFH' for the next day as they all had 'childcare issues' due to the schools being shut. Funny how this even applied to women past menopausal age..... .

pscmum interesting point about it showing a lack of trust asking about childcare arrangements. You think this because it would not occur to you to attempt to work and look after your children at the same time. Unfortunately not everyone has such a responsible and committed attitude. I have spent numerous hours explaining to people that not allowing them to 'work from home' while looking after 3 under 5s or whatever is perfectly fair!

Hope you get what you want sorted quickly, and I'm sure your boss will be fine with it, especially after it is happening and working well.

flowerybeanbag - yes i suppose you're right. i am so affronted by the mere suggestion becasue i am very committed to my job, and I can barely make some toast while looking after my 3 kids so to work at the same time would be something i would not even attempt!

Yes, I hope it all gets sorted out. But it has made me think - when my contracts up, I'm out of here. I can do without the atmospherics!

Thanks for all the help.

flowerybeanbag - yes i suppose you're right. i am so affronted by the mere suggestion becasue i am very committed to my job, and I can barely make some toast while looking after my 3 kids so to work at the same time would be something i would not even attempt!

Yes, I hope it all gets sorted out. But it has made me think - when my contracts up, I'm out of here. I can do without the atmospherics!

Thanks for all the help.