What should I do?

[mrsk28]

Due back to work in January after maternity leave and I'm starting to really dread it. I really don't want to leave my baby to the point that I can't even think about it. I'm sure most FTM's feel this way.

DS will be 9 months when I go back and I feel like I'll miss so much time with him. My commute will be around 1.5 - 2 hours so I'll be gone before DH gets him up in the morning and he will be asleep when I get home.

I won't see him at all 4 days a week (Wednesdays off).

Anyway I crunched the numbers and I realized the difference between me being off (on half sick pay) versus going to work and paying for childcare and commute is very little (maybe 20 quid or so).

I really hate my job, it's extremely stressful but the benefits are good. Public pension and fully paid maternity leave. We bought a house that will be ready late January so I can't change jobs until the mortgage is drawn down.

I know DH would prefer I went back to work as his mother is the one minding DS but I'm really torn.

Any ideas?

Sick pay will only last for so long.
If his mom is having DS, do you need to pay for childcare? I don't understand.

Is there an opportunity for you to work from home, or reduce the amount of days you work?

How do you commute? Have you looked at cheaper/faster options?

If you are paying for childcare, is there a nursery near your work?

We're paying DH's mother to mind the baby. We're giving her half of what a crèche would charge. She is retiring in December so essentially giving her a little extra income.

I can't reduce hours I work in a day because I'm a nurse so it's set times on clinics. I've requested job sharing but was turned down for now and could take years for job to agree.

1.5 hours is the shortest commute time by train.

I'm considering getting the GP to sign me off for January until the mortgage is drawn down and then I could look for something else in the meantime that's closer to home or less hours. But I feel horrible about it.

Can you not use your accrued annual leave to extend your leave beyond January or phase how many days you work.

If DS is 9 months why not just extend your maternity leave? I think to clam to be sick, when your'e not, is really not okay. And while I appreciate you don't want to go back, if that's the case then you need to find a job you DO want to do or discuss an arrangement that works with your DH.

You're not actually sick are you? As you say, most mothers find the initial return to work difficult, that's not an illness.

No you're totally right I'm not sick and doubt I could bring myself to lie about it.

I can't afford any extra unpaid leave and I'm using my annual leave for the last month of leave already. And my job isn't flexible at all in terms of hours.

I just don't know how to handle 4 days away from my son but know I have to return. If I changed jobs I would worry it could mess with the mortgage since the house won't be ready when I'm due to return to work.

Claiming to be sick when you’re not is not ok.

Are you an NHS nurse? Is the nearest nursing job really 1.5 hours away by train? That’s a hell of a distance.

January isn’t very far off. It will go really quickly, especially when your busy working. Suck it up until January and if you really hate it you can look for something else. You never know, you might love it. I really liked going back to work. I felt like a human again.

That sounds very tough. But the good news is you’re only ever away from him for 2 days at a time, plus you know the childminder very well! Can you FaceTime at lunch time? In your position I would start looking for new jobs now, but plan to keep this one until the end of jan. will you have to pay back any maternity pay if you hand in your notice in January?

I'm a GP. Sick notes aren't available on request you know. You have to actually be ill.

And if you try to get one with 'I'm so stressed', then you have to declare a history of mental illness every time you apply for insurance etc. Please don't waste your GPs time with this charade.

I wouldn't be looking for a sick note for nothing. I'm really anxious about it so would only go to the GP if I was genuinely struggling mentally and feel worse than I do now. I don't want my son to have an anxious mother all the time.

Maybe I should have made that a bit clearer in my original post.

I'm not in the UK so not NHS and I wouldn't have to pay back any maternity pay.

My plan is to line up a new job for after January - I just don't know how to cope with that one month. Or longer if there's delays with the house being built.