Back to work and bereavement

[Squashpocket]

I'm really struggling after returning to work following my 2nd Mat leave

I have reduced my hours to 3 days, from 4 days previously. Originally job was a full time role. I now feel I can't really do the job - the nature of the work means being there everyday is better otherwise issues aren't dealt with. I also no longer care about my job, so motivation is low.

I lost my DF just before I returned to work and am struggling to cope with that

I feel bereft at leaving my kids in nursery, I miss them terribly.

While my manager is supportive on paper in a tick box way (showed concern in my return to work, approved flexible working request) day to day I'm feeling quite bullied by her (freezing me out of conversations while I'm there, being unnecessarily critical of the way I'm doing things).

I feel like I'm doing a shit job of everything - the house is a mess, we're eating rubbish because I can't be bothered to cook properly. I don't feel like I'm providing my children with a proper home.

I want to jack it all in and stay home with my babies. We can pay the bills without my income, but I'm terrified if I step out now I'll never go back. I'm worried I feel this way because I'm grieving and I just need to stick it out.

DH is supportive of me leaving because of how unhappy I am, but he'd obviously prefer I had a job for the financial security. I feel like I'm letting everyone down.

Should I quit? Should I stick it out?

You need to get some help. It sounds like this may be bigger than the job. Don't make a rash decision. See your GP. Take sick leave but don't just react by resigning as don't forget that it's more than just pay. It impacts your pension, NI contributions and CV.

Sorry for your loss.
Go to your yp fir anti depressants. Pay for private counselling. Get a cleaner. Buy better quality ready made food. Use slow cooker or stir fry and rice, easy quick food 3ven acrambled eggs and beans.
If you leave work to stay home you will need to expect rejections and returning at a lower level.

I dont think its about your work and i dont think there is more they can or should do.. its a difficult time anyway and they are paying you. Get help for your mental health.

I am sorry for your loss and that you are feeling so low .

Whether giving up work or not is the right thing to do isn't a decision you should take in your current frames of mind and you do sound as though you may be depressed.

I think step one is a gp appointment, possibly some ad's and almost certainly some bereavement counselling. Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Programme? Often these can provide short term transitional counselling quickly.

Secondly congratulations on your two dc and stable financial set-up. Against that it's pretty good to be able to get 3 days a week to keep your hand in and stay up to date.

For a little while can you get some help at home/just do easy meals until your head is in a better place to make a decision.

I remember how hard this period was. I did give up work but due to a sickly baby. I had 7 wonderful years at home but it was very hard getting back on the career ladder and I had to start all over again and retrain which involved full time and an au-pair for four years.

It's swings and roundabouts but not a decision to make jn the mists of grief.

hug

I was somewhere similar many years ago.
2 small children, full time work, my Dad died.
I got signed off for a month. Kids stayed in child care. It gave me a little space to think about things rationally.
Do go and see your gp and don't do anything hasty.

Similar situation to yourself. Go to your GP, start some counselling, eat basic but good food eg soup, eggs, beans etc. Get a clearer. You need a rest you sound worn out emotionally and physically. Start taking care of you and the rest will fall into place.

If you can afford to give up work you can afford a cleaner/ironing service/private counselling etc, whatever help you need to get back on track.

I wouldn't be hasty at giving up work unless you are sure and doing it in the right frame of mind.

Do a meal plan each week of simple basic, but healthy food so you don't need to think about it during the week when you are under more time pressures.

Your dh may be supportive of you stopping work (much easier for him), is he supportive of helping you to continue working? If he sees you struggling so much he should be taking on a bigger share of the cleaning/meal planning and prep/other house chores until you get back on an even keel!

Thank you all for your replies. I didn't mean to post and run, DC woke up just after I posted.

I will make a GP appointment. Not overly keen on the idea of anti depressants, but will look in to bereavement counselling. I could pay for the odd private session (we're not rolling in it by any means). Would that be better than trying to get counselling through the NHS? My DH has had NHS counselling in the past and didn't think much of it, so not sure about it especially if there's a long wait.

I had considered getting signed off sick to give me a bit of head space but I can't see how it would solve anything - my relationship with my manager would be even more damaged.

My DH tries to be supportive, but if I leave more of the childcare and house jobs to him he gets stressed. It's just better for everyone if I do most of it and he concentrates on his job, which pays our bills.

I'm very sensitive about going back to work anyway. My mother prioritised work when I was little - both of my parents had lost their spouses, married each other and had me in the space of a couple of years. I presume they were grieving and I got sidelined in the process. I don't have a strong bond with my mother. I feel like history will repeat itself if I don't prioritise my children now.

Despite everything I've said, I'm trying not to be negative, but it just all feels like a really terrible situation with no solution.

You are going through a sressful period, which will hopefully gradually get better.
I can see the temptation to throw it all in, but I agree try to ride it out. Realisitically once you have done one day by the next day you are mid way through your week and on the third day its your week end. Try viewing it that way, I do 4 days and get through it with this mind set.
Also meal plan, buy a slow cooker and throw everything in it in the morning so you have a meal ready when you get in.