Returning to work after long-term sick leave due to stress

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Has anyone here been off sick with stress and anxiety due to bullying and harassment at work, and then returned to work?

I am desperate to hear about people's experiences with this: how did it work out for you, how long were you off work for, did you return to the same role/department, how did you overcome the stress and anxiety?

DH has been off work since May, seems to be making very little progress. I am finding the whole thing increasingly difficult to cope with, particularly the uncertainty about the future. Please tell me your experiences, to show me there is light at the end of the tunnel?

I returned to work after 6 months off post breakdown due to a micromanaging bully manager. Coincided with the menopause which increased stress 20 fold.
HR promised the situation would be dealt with but after I returned it was not and got worse.
I had no option but to look for another job.

Thanks for your reply madcat. I am sorry it didn't work out well for you. I hope you are in a better place now. I have no faith that DH's employer will do anything about the bully, it has been 5 months so far and nothing has happened despite the bullying being raised with several managers, and people whose job it is to deal with these things.

If the problem is work specific, leaving aside the issue of whether he should have to or not, could he not resign and then look for another job which would remove the issue?

Yes you are quite right pottering, that is the conclusion we are both coming to, and he has started to look for another job. Unfortunately he is mentally and emotionally very down as a result of the bullying, it has really affected his self-confidence, and he is struggling to put himself in the right frame of mind for job-hunting. I was wondering whether anyone had been through this and come out the other side with a positive story to tell?

I have been off LTS since March due to bullying and discrimination. I still don't have a grievance outcome and I'm starting a tribunal claim.

I don't know when I will return to work. I definitely don't want to but I'm having no luck finding another job (disabled and the 'disability confident' badge is just that - a badge).

I don't think anything will change or improve if I returned but I don't want to be unemployed either and I doubt I'd get a settlement, at least not a good enough one.

I'm trying to use the time I'm off to do a distance learning course to improve my career change prospects. Could your DH try doing similar? I am finding it a good distraction.

I do sympathise. Anxiety, stress, depression are badly understood by HR departments.

DH had nearly a year off with stress. He went back on a structured increase of hours plus support from occupational health (the manager who was the cause of his breakdown had been sacked in the meantime). He had CBT when off, and continued the sessions and medication through his return.
He's been back 7 years now, got a fab new job 2 years ago, and hasn't had any issues since as he got better coping strategies in place

I had a month off and have returned to work, I also felt bullied and micromanaged.

However, I had tons of support from colleagues and people above the person I had an issue with, who all advised me to put any issues in writing. Which I do.

If you feel supported you can get through anything - if not, then I would most definitely have left.

Thanks for your replies.

CMO its good to hear a story with a positive outcome. They seem to be in the minority! If the person who bullied DH was sacked DH would be able to go back almost immediately. This isn't looking likely though.

jane I am sorry to hear of your situation. I agree that unemployment should be avoided if possible, but actually I'm starting to think that the only way DH will be able to move on from this is to just resign, give himself time to recover and then find another job. Easier said than done though. He has been doing an online course with FutureLearn as a means of distracting himself while he's off, but I don't think its anything that could improve his job prospects. Meanwhile the prospect of losing his income is keeping me awake at night

MT2017 I am glad you had the support you needed to return. You are right - with support and understanding you can get through anything.

I was off for months in my 20s.Had a breakdown of sorts.Loads of counselling later I agreed to 18months compensation.I left the job and eventually got another.it was a tough time though.Why aren't they supporting your DH? What form did the bullying take.Good luck with it all.

I was off for 7 months after bullying. Returned to doing the same job but in a different team and office location. Hated it, didn’t have any of the support occupational health suggested. And I still had to interact with the same management who handled the bullying badly, so I felt pretty depressed and angry. So after 5 months I applied for a secondment (which was also a grade up) within the same organisation and to my completely surprise got the job. I’ve been doing that for the last 11 months and it’s been brilliant.

If you can, I completely recommend therapy. Occupational health referred me to a psychologist and I saw them for a period of about 6 months when I was off sick, then for another 6 months covering the return to work and then the start of the new job. It helped me see the situation differently so that quitting the bullying job didn’t seem like failure. I was relying on work for identity and self esteem, so being bullied out completely destabilised everything. Therapy helped me work out how to move forward. I also feel more confident of not getting in the same situation again.

DH was bullied, and was off work for many months with depression, which still rears its ugly head from time to time, many (10?) years later. i don't think he will ever be truly free of it. He reluctantly (and very bitterly) took early retirement - I appreciate this is not an option open to everyone!!

He found contract work, and 6 years on from starting on that journey, is making twice as much as he was in his last job. So, it's a success story of a sort. Money can't buy mental health.

I wish you and your DH luck.

Sorry, hadn't read all the responses. DH was (and still is) on medication, though there are other stress factors at play nowadays too (elderly parents!). He was also on a 'talking therapy'. He was lucky to be offered it, but truth be told (and to my great frustration) he didn't really engage with it fully, so he didn't get as much out of it as he might have.

Thanks so much for all the responses, sorry for the delay in answering- I have been away for a while. I don't want to give too much detail about the bullying because I don't want to be identifiable, but it involved things like never putting anything in writing and then undermining DH in front of a room full of people by saying he had asked for something different, constantly asking DH how he saw his future in the organisation, things like that. Quite subtle but done in such a way as to undermine DH's self-confidence. On one memorable occasion DH woke up to a job advertisement alert (NHS Jobs website) and when he looked at it, he found that it was actually his own job that had been advertised!

madness I am pleased that you are in a much better place now. It seems that few employers really take this seriously, they really just want the bullied person to shut up and go away. They all pay lip service to it though. DH has found the Occupational Health service at his organisation to be really excellent and helpful, but despite their best efforts sending recommendations to the management, nothing has changed. DH is having counselling through a charity he was referred to by his GP. He had to wait 3 months to get it. I think he is finding it helpful, but unless something changes at work I don't think it will solve the problem.

somebody I do worry about the long term effects of this, although I do see a change in DH where he is now much more in touch with his own emotions. He has typically been an 'ostrich' (head in sand) which I think is partly what got him into this state in the first place. I can understand your DH's bitterness - he did nothing wrong and yet was the one to suffer. These situations are so unfair.

it involved things like never putting anything in writing and then undermining DH ...Quite subtle but done in such a way as to undermine DH's self-confidence.

I was told - also not in writing - that I had to work at 100% accuracy at all times; that I was the worst performing member of the team; that lots of colleagues had issues with me.

All absolute rubbish and now everything between me and that person is in writing, and not only that, I always copy someone else in to the emails. Every. Single. Time. I have become much more guarded in my interactions and am now much more likely to say "I'll get back to you" so I don't get in a conversation without all the facts.

I don't think your DH is being an ostrich. I just think we have been conditioned that people are basically decent and when you come across someone who isn't, you just don't want to believe it and it probably takes you some time to recognise that whatever you do isn't going to be good enough.

Or alternatively they truly do think we are crap I have enough confidence to know this is utter bollocks

I had two long sickness absences after being bullied by my boss -well, technically it was discrimination and victimisation, as decided by the judges in the two tribunals I subsequently brought against him.

I returned to work both times because 99% of my colleagues were bloody lovely and I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.

However, the legal process was horrific and I am not sure I knew beforehand how nasty it would get. Winning made me feel partially vindicated but it was very hard working with someone while undergoing numerous court hearings. I only managed it because I didn't have to work directly with him or even see him day-to-day and because of the support of other colleagues. Unfortunately, his boss backed him so (as far as I know) no action was taken except paying me compensation. I think because I have shown that I will stand up for myself, it is less likely to happen again (or he will be cleverer about being subtle) but it is hard watching my back for knives.

The other factors that got me back to work were financial necessity and the support of my medical team (psychiatrist, GP, psychiatric nurse) and hardcore medication.

It is still a difficult situation but not as bad as it was. I think people have to either walk away (if not massively attached to the workplace) or take action. Action is hard though. Just hoping it will go away is something I tried but it was not realistic.

Around 20 years ago, I was off work for a month with severe depression (caused by a serious medical condition which was not diagnosed at the time). When I returned, nobody asked me how I was, they bombarded me with emails from day one, so many that I couldn't answer them all or do my day to day work.
I lasted until the Thursday, then walked out at lunchtime - after photocopying most of the emails. I didn't tell anyone what I was doing, simply walked out.
It was such a hostile work environment, I knew that I couldn't return.
I ended up getting a solicitor involved and he won the constructive dismissal case for me.
Your health always comes first, but unfortunately some bosses and co-workers don't care about that, and will deliberately destroy your self confidence in order to try to get rid of you.