Should I disclose autism to my employer?

[msrobot]

Started my first full time office job a a few weeks ago, and I’ve been finding it very draining and stressful. However, it’s not the actual ‘work’ tasks rather the social side of things which I have been struggling with...

I would find my job a walk in the park if only I could just get on and actually work all day without worrying about being the office freak.

I have high functioning autism and have often been seen as the weird one of a group (school, university, or even family).

I will try really hard to seem friendly or normal when meeting people for the first time, but it gets to a point where I inevitably say or do something to put them off so rarely make new friendships anymore. I’m very lucky I still have two old friends who have always accepted me

Now it’s the same old story starting my new job - no one seems to like me much so I feel isolated despite being in an open plan office.

I have already made a few mistakes (without realising at the time) such as not knowing to ask colleagues for a drink when filling my water bottle, not asking if they wanted anything from the shop, and the worst - not knowing how to join in with the office chat!!

Whenever my colleagues chat together, I never know what to say as most of the time I can’t relate. Besides, they never directly initiate conversation with me either, so I am paranoid I would be seen as rude if I simply jumped in the conversation. It seems fine for them as they know each other and are already friends/acquaintances

I’m also very nervous and paranoid that my manager is annoyed with me, but I really don’t know as he is never upfront and can be quite vague.

I sound pathetic but I cried on the train home because I feel so drained from it.
The thought of the Christmas season coming up is honestly making me feel sick, I already booked leave for the formal Christmas party but I heard from another colleague that there’s not much work to do from mid December so they usually do fun activities/games. Also, there will be a second Christmas night out so it will be hard for me to get out of both

As I have never disclosed my autism to my employer, I have been debating whether or not it would be worthwhile. I don’t need any help with my work tasks at all, but I was hoping at least my Manager would understand I’m not intentionally being rude or antisocial
But at the same time, I feel quite awkward telling him. I have no idea how he will react or whether it will be seen as irrelevant

Also, I’m not too sure who the appropriate person to tell would be. I have 1to1’s with my Manager once a month, but maybe I should get in touch with HR

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you are struggling in your new job. Is there an equality and diversity team within the HR department? If so perhaps you could arrange a confidential meeting with them, they should be able to advise you on what they can do to help you.

One of my colleagues has Aspergers and, like you, also struggles with social interaction. She actually loves office banter but finds it difficult to join in conversations and can sometimes feel isolated because of this. She has obviously told us about her Aspergers which you may not wish to do. In fact, she wrote a list of ways Aspergers affected her and what we could do to help. So for example:

I find it difficult to join in conversations and worry I am butting in. You can help me by bringing me into conversations.

It was really useful for us to know this so we can try to include her in office chat, otherwise we'd just assume she doesn't want to talk!

Good luck.

Thank you for your post, Kerning

That’s good to hear, I don’t think I’d be brave enough to tell all of my colleagues but think I’m going to go ahead and brave mentioning it to my manager

I was considering contacting HR but I feel that’d be too formal, as I really don’t want to make a big fuss - (don’t need any support with my work tasks). I guess I just want my manager to understand I can’t help being so weird

Yes I would. If there kind to discriminate you, there not the kind to work for.

I can understand if you don't want to tell your colleagues, we're a small department and most of us have been there for several years so we know each other quite well. I hope your manager is supportive.

And you're NOT weird! I bet your colleagues just think you're a hard worker who wants to get on with the job

One of my team has shared the fact that he is autistic with the whole team. He also takes time to raise awareness across the whole organisation. He tells us what he struggles with and we accommodate it. He is brilliant in many ways and we are lucky to have him. I don't know if he found it difficult to share the info with us but I am very glad he did.

Please tell your team. My husband has autism and is the most fantastic person but has struggled just like you in every job until this one. The difference in this one (6years) is that his team know because I told them! It means that they aren't offended, they understand. They don't feel snubbed or confused or disliked. Which is how people feel when he doesn't answer and isn't considerate and is a bit ignorant(all
Of course unintended). He's fucking amazing and has such good dry humour and now that they know him he's easier in their company, and they are real friends . There's nothing to lose in telling them imo

A lady I worked with disclosed she had Aspergers - HR arranged someone to come in to talk to her immediate team (with her approval!) and it was a proper eye opener to what she was faced with and struggled with every day that nobody else would ever imagined.
Definitely tell HR.

I would definitely raise it with your manager, so they can support you.

Would it be useful for you to have a workplace buddy. It would be someone who would just be there in case you had any problem or concern, not necessarily to "do" anything, but just someone on hand in case of need, who isn't your manager. Sometimes an empathetic person who can advocate for you is a real benefit, if you don't want to have to explain yourself, they find the words to say to other people, and it takes the burden away from you doing that.

I hope you get the support you need.