Working notice when boss is taking resignation personally

[Itsallgoingupshitcreek]

I resigned on Wednesday and my boss (let's call him Bob) has not taken it well. I'm moving to a (major) client and I had a quite frankly horrific call with Bob about how it is out of order and unprofessional that the client had not called him up to say they were approaching me and generally that I am being unreasonable having not let him know I was thinking of leaving / leaving Bob in the lurch because how is he meant to replace me.

I was upset. I'm now mad. I have support of other senior people in the company who recognise (a) it's not on and (b) even if it were on, I'm about to become a client and upsetting me isn't the way to go.

My question is any tips for dealing the relationship with Bob during my notice period? My notice period is three months which I'm being held to (unheard of when it's a client) - there's a strong chance my boss will be overruled on that but if so it will only make things worse. The temptation to say to my new boss - do your worse, get me in for 1 November is very high but won't help the situation!

I suspect Bob's going to make my life hell but I want to ensure I hold my head up and remain professional. Before anyone suggests it, getting signed off would be career death (regardless of all the nice messages about national mental health day) plus I think I'm robust enough to deal with this and can push through. I have been at the Company a long time and am determined not to be a bad leaver. It's a small world at the end of the day and I do not want anyone in the market to get the impression I've done anything but hold my head up and work through it.

Help! I knew he was going to be upset but this was another level to what I was anticipating.

I'd look to exit gracefully as soon as you can. Is there anyone else you can discuss your notice period with? I'd appeal to them on the grounds that your working relationship with Bob has clearly broken down, he isn't happy to work with you and you feel it may be damaging for the company if you are to stay on for the 3 months.

Bob sounds like an angry toddler. Three months with that will be awful!

Go above Bob's head and tell them it would be commercially more sensible for you to go to the client ASAP and with a good send-off. Make it a business decision for them, not an HR one.

In my experience, this kind of reaction dies down, so my advice is to give it a bit more time...it’s only been a couple of days and this is an emotional reaction. Could you arrange some time in later this week with Bob. He could be stressed at the impact on him and could already be stressed out and this puts more on him. Not an excuse for a tantrum, but he needs to realise this is not personal. I’d sit him down, explain you have enjoyed working with him and thanks for the opportunities he has given you, but it is time to move on - something you have every right to do. I know this is tough on you Bob but what is the best way for us to work through this period? Usually when I’ve seen this situation, it calms down and an earlier exit can be negotiated once the emotional boss reaches acceptance. If not then record anything unfair and escalate.

My old boss did this- except he then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of my notice period, which suited me fine. Maybe hope for that? 😂

I think you’re doing the right thing, OP. Hold your head up and carry on. Hope that someone above Bob intervenes and lets you leave early.

If your client/new boss approached you they have effectively poached a member of staff and not surprisingly Bob isn't taking their unethical behaviour well! Hopefully it will settle down to a civil/professional relationship again when he realises he might need to work with you in your new company, otherwise your move will not be beneficial for either of your new bosses!

Your company should think about having in their contracts with customers/suppliers not to poach each others staff!

@Brokenwing - interesting perspective. In my industry this is the norm. It happens all the time. Most recruitment is done through headhunters at my level. Bob may also think it was more active poaching than it was really - I'm not even sure the person who approached me knew I worked for client! I think I told Bob that but to be honest I was in such shock at the tirade from Bob I don't rembember what I said.

Thanks everyone. It's a bit hard to involve people senior to Bob (Bob is pretty senior) but I have involved people on the same/ similar level who are hopefully going to ensure there's no impact on the client relationship even if I'm screwed. They can raise senior to Bob if they want to.

Bob has been actively vindictive today, it's hard to interpret his actions as anything else. Detail would be outing. This action makes no business sense (it's actually detrimental) and hopefully someone more senior to me will make Bob see sense. I've decided this isn't one to go into battle over because I can cope and there's over a month to change the decision. I'm trying to see the funny side.

I agree Bob is stressed out but I also don't agree I should be taking the brunt of it. I am leaving decisions on notice period between my company and client and have specifically said that's because I don't want to impact my relationship with the company.

I refuse to end up as a bad leaver but Bob is making this hard!

Talking to myself but... Bob seems to be coming around and we can now be civil. He is circling round my holidays though and I may end up having to accept cancelling some of them. I'm letting it all flow over me and agreeing nothing but showing willing. Far less stressed today.

Bob shouldn’t be taking it out on you but he might have a good reason to be pissed off about the situation. If it was a very long standing client and he was under the impression (wrong maybe) they had a close relationship he could feel hard done but they said nothing beforehand.

Not to ask for permission, just for courtesy really. He’d have found it difficult to fight them off about it and probably wouldn’t have been but it might rankle.

Anyway seems he’s come around. Has to really. It’s happened in my industry and because of the dynamics there’s no big fall out but sometimes a bit of seething is quietly done about the process of it

God I don’t know what industry you’re in but annual leave is sacred, I definitely wouldn’t be cancelling that for a boss who is behaving dreadfully, who you will shortly not be working for any more. Congrats on the new job!

I really don't understand why anyone would expect the client to have breached my confidentiality by telling my current employer. I would almost certainly have withdrawn my application if I had thought there was even the slightest chance of that. I can sort of get the 'poaching' idea but not that there was ever any realistic chance a major company would give a nod to my current employer.

I've only had to cancel holidays once before in my career. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.

Bob seems to be concentrating on loading me with so much work he has a good argument I can't reduce my notice period!

In most jobs I know this is expressly forbidden - there has to be a 3 or 6 month gap between you working for company A and any Clients or certain suppliers.
I'm surprised this is written into your contract.

Different industries are different I think. In my industry moving to a client is seen as a positive. My company would prefer someone who (in theory) thinks well of them is there. The alternative is someone from a competitor gets the job and potentially that competitor takes the work. I wouldn't be taking any work away from my current employer - the roles are different.

I'm definitely not in breach of contract. If I moved to a competitor and tried to take the client with me I might be (although that's pretty common as well in reality).

But I do get the 'poaching' point. It's not what happened and it's the norm but I can see it. I still don't get Bob thinking the client would tell him before they told me. I turned the job down initially as a start, what would have happened if I decided not to take it?