Advice on handling criticism and feeling guilty for going back to work?

[Mumie]

I went back to work four days a week when my dd was 4 months old. Before I even went back other mothers in the mothers group I attended told me how awful it was that I would do this. Back at work I got more of this opinion, mainly from the men. Maybe I should point out that I live in Switzerland now and perhaps it's different in the UK. There is a strong attitude of mothers staying at home here.

I don't know why they feel they are allowed to criticise my decision and worse, I don't understand why I'm taking it. Normally I'm quite assertive but recently I seem to be pretty weak. I've been back for three months and I still come home wanting to cry and feeling like the worst mother in the world.

I adore my baby and love spending time with her. She is in a very good babygroup with excellent carers and she is a happy little girl. So I know I shouldn't feel guilty and bad but I do and I don't know how to stop.

Any advice please?

bit contentious here, but why does the general population feel that a full time mother is the best carer for a small child under a year old? Is it wrong to think that?

I don't think being a stay at home mother is any better or worse than being a working mother. For me the quality of the time I spend with my dd is far more important than the quantity.

When I was younger my mum told me that I could either have a family or a career but not both - not very encouraging. Anyway, some years later my cousin had a baby and she went to daycare fulltime from 3 months while my cousin worked. My mum really disapproved but gradually changed her mind as she saw her grow up very happy, well adjusted and with a close relationship to her parents.

Maybe the reason a lot of people think sahms are better is because it's what they are used to or how they were brought up and they haven't considered that other ways can also be good - like my mum.

Message withdrawn

I've had some of this too. I particularly hate the ones who say 'Aaah, the poor little dear, how can you bear to leave him?'. I think the best reply is 'DH and I talked about it and made the right decision for our family - your family might be different'. That's always the reply that leaves me feeling like I held my ground while still keeping my dignity... But I'm often tempted to start picking holes in their parenting/intelligence/personal hygeine/etc.

Off topic Mumie.

Am not generally given to racism but I do find the Swiss funny. What can you say about a country that professes to be neutral yet makes everyone do military service? How is your nuclear bunker by the way? I imagine you have one, I had one when I was there (was only there for three months)

Which leads me to the point of my post - can't you just giggle at them?

Do you know they keep building nuclear bunkers "because everyone has one" and admit freely you don't actually need it!? As for the military, funnily enough most people I know quite like doing military service. It's like a big bonding session for a couple of weeks a year.

When I originally posted I was feeling a bit emotional, still quite hormonal even after seven months which amazes me - plus to be honest it hurts and when so many people tell you that you are in the wrong. It does make you question yourself and feel like a bad mama. So yes I should have give short retorts or laughed it off but I just couldn't.

It's improving maybe because I keep telling people how well this works for us and how happy my family is - although more people have moved on to the when are you having a second child topic instead, which isn't much better.

I went back at 4 months and only started getting over the guilt that I personally felt when Ds was about 14 months old. Spent the whoel time crying and explaining myself to everyone under the sun.

I went to a wedding the other day and a friend mentioned that she had gone back to work and her dd wass in ft nursery she then proceeded before anyone said anything to explain how much her dd enjoys nursery and how sociable it is making her - and i just wanted to say you dont have to justify yourself to anyone.

I guess this is just part of motherhood. In my case I wasnt happy with childcare (IL's which is another story) so I guess that also played a ppart.

Dont beat yourself up - everyone makes a decision that is right for them. Tell everyone else to naff on.