Bereavement expectations

[m0therofdragons]

I have a young member of staff in her first proper type job. She's told me that her beloved dog (family dog but she sees her as her dog) is really unwell and old and if he dies she won't be fit to work.

Currently I've told her to keep me posted and tried to empathise.

The thing is, at the end of October we have a key deadline ending with a big conference that my (very tiny) team is organising. She commented that if it's the day of the event then she'd miss the event. That would massively impact on the team as the event was the main reason she was hired. I'm currently crossing my fingers hoping it will be after that date.

Company policy doesn't cover this as a family emergency so HR say no time off. Obviously if it's not a key day then she can take annual leave but I'm wondering what your experiences are re work when pets die in your family?

I'd say she needs to get a grip and go into work, but I guess a dog is a bit different to goldfish and hamsters.

Work would give us the day off.... Provided it wasn't hugely problematic if we weren't in. Which it sounds like it would be.

Well I've never known pets to be included in bereavement policies at work. My only experience is of a member of staff rushing in to my boss to say that his wife had phoned to say their dog had just died and he was going home to deal with it. I imagine most employers would be sympathetic in that situation, in a similar way as if there had been a household emergency such as a fire or flood.

But actual bereavement leave? Nah. That probably won't stop her just not coming in that day though.

I can't imagine a work policy that would cover this. She will need to take a days holiday or unpaid leave.

I guess for context - she lives at home and they always seem to have some kind of drama. She's only worked for me since July but every week there's something. My patience is being tested!

Do you have an HR department you can speak to?

She seems to be setting the scene for missing the event, I would say now that it can't be missed for any reason.

Annual leave for pets. And only if that person has no specific work commitments. In a small company, every person is needed.

She needs to get a grip.

She setting the scene not to come in.

Everyone is different. I had a much loved dog that I had to have pts suddenly after a vets appointment one morning, totally unexpected but best for her as she would only have had a couple of painful weeks anyway. I texted work, told them what had happened, said I didn’t want anyone speaking to me about it and went into work and carried on, as we had some challenging issues to sort and I couldn’t let them down

Unfortunately I always mark people against my standards and your employee wouldn’t last

Thank you. I was worried I was a bit hardened. I didn't take time off work for an early miscarriage (wouldn't criticise anyone who did but I needed the distraction of work). I've also experienced devastating family loses - teenage cousin, aunties in their early 40s and my twin sister so, as much as I adore my cats, I'd sob at home then pull it together for work. I was worried I was being a cow.

I've always gone into work after a pet death (and over a 40 year working life there've been a few - and somehow always timed needing an emergency visit to the vet and being pts first thing in the morning)

You need to make it clear that she was only employed for this event, and no, she can't miss it.

Nothing for a dog! Especially not at a business critical time ffs.

I also immediately thought she's already planning to not be there and is setting the scene. Has she also mentioned any special occasions coming up?

Of course, if it's genuine then it's sad but personally I don't think it warrants special leave or bereavement leave unless existing policy accommodates.

I think you need to separate these things. As a dog owner, when my dogs have died, I have been devastated. Their loss means more to me than most of my family members (if you met my family, you'd get it - I took no bereavement leave when my father died). So I wouldn't have been fit to work the day they died, and no amount of telling me to get a grip would have produced any different result. So yes, I had a day off work and actually, my work were absolutely fine about it.

If there is an issue generally with her, and the problem is not "bereavement leave" but her work or attitude, then that is what you should be dealing with. And what you should have been dealing with already. Nothing should ever be about what you might do in the same circumstances, or what anyone else would do in those circumstances. Everyone is different. Don't make it about one event, which actually may be what that person needs to do - after all, would you prefer she turns up to your event and weeps all over everyone all day? Make it about her performance, or whatever, over the entirety of time. Everyone, for whatever reason, has bad times. It isn't up to us to decide that their "bad time" isn't real because it wouldn't affect us that way. But as managers it is up to us to ensure that employees are both supported and that that sometimes means dealing with concerns we have about their work.

I took two days off when my horse died, one as annual leave and one as unpaid. It was v short notice and I had to ring in 30 mins before I was due in work. No questions asked, I'm a decent employee and my boss understood it wasn't like a fish/hamster death

My 22 year old daughter was in this position earlier this year when our elderly cat died. She called her team leader and asked for the day off as annual leave because she didn’t want to go in. If the request had been declined she would have gone in. A bit tearful probably but she would have showed up.

It all depends I guess. There's such a range of a bit tearful to given sleeping tablets to can't open mouth without howling
I'm customer facing and I cried solidly for 2 days so my boss said no, go home