Hate my flexible well paid job - law

[Jojogabor]

I am a lawyer and have managed to secure a very flexible job where the money is decent in a private practice firm. Have worked there for 15 years in a non-fee earning role but I am not very good at it, feel like it is utterly meaningless and there is a huge amount of apathy for what I do. My peers have all left to do other things and so work is quite a depressing place. I would definitely like to continue working but not in this role and I am very nervous about losing flexibility and decent pay as have four school aged children. I am fortunate that I could afford not to work for a short time but very scared to make the jump. If I was to switch careers, I would have to invest some time in upskilling / getting to grips with new place which I just don’t have the energy for....wondering if I have mild depression and wish I had some coaching to sort myself out.

My husband is now a bit sick of me complaining. What would you do? Suck it up and get on with it? Take a career break? Fully appreciate it’s rare to get a flexible job in law and I should be grateful but it’s just not for me. Have stuck at it for a while now.

Ex-lawyer here. I think you'd do well to imagine what your ideal situation would be and work back from there, as you sound a bit unsure of what you want. So:

1. If you were to write your perfect job spec, what would it look like? (Hours, salary, key duties, commute, job title etc)
2. How much do you need to earn? Any scope for cutting back on spending to facilitate that?
3. What do you want things to look like 5 years from now?

You should leave go for it. Seems like you are in need of a reality check.

Thanks. Essential - if you don’t mind me asking, why did you leave and did you change fields?

I left at 4 PQE because I was working for a US firm in London, hated the work that I’d been siloed into and didn’t find it compatible with family life when I wanted to start a family.

I now write CVs for a living, in short (alongside some ancillary things). I started a small business while still in law, and resigned once I saw that what I was doing had traction (despite a 90% pay cut!).

What do you do? I’m a lawyer and am finding it hard to go back PT never mind having an flexibility...

I work in a law job, good firm, good pay, love the people... My DH works in the law too but doesn’t enjoy it so much and has often talked about a career break. All I would say is you should discuss it with your DH as if you reduce your income or are not working for a bit then this affects the whole family.

But I do agree that life is too short to spend it being unhappy if you can do something about it.

You could look at PLC and Lexis, even if you don't live near London they are both open to remote working and often have vacancies for new PSLs. Once in, you might find other opportunities open to you - Lexis in particular helps people move into other fields.

I left a well paid flexible legal role to go into a less well paid less flexible semi-legal role. It didn't work out that well but that was partly commute etc.

You could also look at places like Obelisk or Halebury and consider project work.You might have to work FT for say 6 months but then take 6 months off. Or you could work part time from home. That said, I have been on Obelisk's books for nearly a year and other than one completely inappropriate role for me (1.5 hours away and wrong specialism), have heard nothing from them.

I don't understand why junior lawyers don't respect you though. Do they just think you're a glorified librarian? I know when I was a trainee we did but that was 20 years ago! PSLs are well established and respected these days!

I don't understand why junior lawyers don't respect you though. Do they just think you're a glorified librarian? I know when I was a trainee we did but that was 20 years ago! PSLs are well established and respected these days!

I used to feel really resentful of our PSLs because they would make us put together a weekly case bulletin where we (trainees and up to one year NQ) would have to trawl court reports for a couple of interesting cases each and then write a report on them to be circulated among the team. Then every fortnight you would have to give a presentation on one case for a team meeting. It was hugely time consuming when we all had chargeable work to be getting on with, and we knew no one was reading the court reports anyway, so we felt hugely resentful of the PSLs for enforcing it.

Now with the benefit of hindsight I can see the skills we learned doing that, and I'm less unreasonable about it. I think a lot of junior lawyers just think they're busy and important enough not to bother with that stuff and think PSLs should be on hand purely to facilitate your chargeable work without expecting you to contribute to their work at all. I think most eventually grow out of that arrogance!

I'm in a similar situation, feeling awfully stuck but grateful for the income and flexibility. I decided not to look for a similar job as I cannot expect it to be too different. Similar to you I thought I need to upskill myself so I decided to learn about the "new economy" as so many companies seems to be trying to go digital and it looks like there is a big demand for such skills. If this is of interest to you, I found course on this site very useful - bestmarketinghub.co.uk/

Thanks boujie. Actually, in my case, I do all the reporting etc - don’t bother giving to associates anymore as know it will never get done. I appreciate few earning will and should take priority- guess I understand why the role doesn’t demand huge respect. I hate being viewed as someone who should be an expert on matters but actually, the further away from practice, the less relevant I feel and less I know. I am keen on learning more about km - but query whether I have the energy to start something new right now. Totally feel like I have lost myself - approaching 40 only exacerbates this issue!

Thanks Kriskad. Looks interesting - will take a look. When do you fit upskilling in? Evenings I guess?

Just bumping this with an update. Change in management has made it incredibly untenable for me to stay - basically, the head refuses to acknowledge our team and hasn’t spoken to us in 8 months! In the last week, I haven’t slept and have cried most mornings. So desperate to leave but worried about finding a job when unemployed- particularly with Brexit around the corner. Plus am desperate to work anywhere now so might make the wrong decision on a rebound. Any advice?

as need the income to support the family and my husband is very busy doing a job he doesn’t particularly love
You really don’t , your income isn’t supporting the family.

Generally speaking lawyers are keen on PSL ,marketing PQLE etc in theory but fee earning will always take precedence
NQ lawyers think no one is as important as they are ! They will learn

Thank you both! I have applied to various places: in-house, other PSL roles. Have interviews next week. Not enjoying the role but wonder whether a change (even if same role) might help

If you have 4 lots of school fees there's your problem . Switch to state school. No DC are better off in independent school with a miserable parent than in state with a happy family!

You sound like you are really having a hard time. I don't think you should just "suck it up" or get a "thicker skin". If you feel taking a break is not feasible or you are simply not comfortable with it, then I would not recommend it. But I would strongly suggest you start to work on an exit strategy. Even in tiny baby steps. There were some really good tips above already, like figuring out what your ideal job would look like. I would actually say think about your ideal work day overall, from getting up to going to bed. As important as it is to know what you don't want, it is even more important to become clearer on what you do want. Start with this and then slowly build up your research, build your confidence and skills through side projects or volunteering, speak to people who do things you are interested in etc. Even 15 minutes a day will slowly move you forward and will help you feel more in control. You current role is likely to feel more bearable if you can start to see a route to moving away from it over time.
Your career happiness, and your husbands, are really important. Not just for you two, but your kids!!! Do you want them to look forward to building happy careers and feel this is absolutely possible? Or do you want them to expect it to be misery and that this is simply what work is like? I work in careers guidance with teenagers and have started to work with mums too for exactly that reason. I made a little mini guide for someone else in here a little while ago, who was considering if a change is worth it. It's attached in case you find it helpful. If you ever want to chat, I'd be happy to help.

Thanks Theresa, I appreciate it. I was a bit desperate this week and made around 8 job applications - all very different roles and have some interviews next week but must admit I am not clear as to whether they are suitable or what I want. In terms of lifestyle and flexibility, current job meets that. But career progression, nice team, fulfilling and interesting work, then it falls way short. There will have to be some trade off. My youngest has just started school so not sure I can afford to lose such flex yet. But at the same time I am utterly miserable which, as you say, is not good for the children either. Thanks for your reply.

It's difficult. I'd hope you can find a nice team out there. They do exist in law firms!

But realistically there is limited career progression being a PSL - goes with the territory.

What's most concerning is when you say "I hate being viewed as someone who should be an expert on matters but actually, the further away from practice, the less relevant I feel and less I know."

Is that your view of yourselves? Or others? I think a PSL is invaluable in spotting new case law, legislation and trends that busy fee earners miss. But you need to have the confidence you know and can articulate how this relates to fee earning work. I've worked with some great PSLs and some terrible ones. The key imo is being able to make legal updates snappy and relevant.

@Jojogabor It really sounds like you are ready for something else. You still have a bit of time before the interviews to do some thinking on what you REALLY want. Be selfish, make your ideal wish list. Of course you are not likely to find everything straight away, although you never know. But the clearer you are on where you want to go, the better you can judge the opportunities you are considering. Trade offs can be fine, but make sure the are the right ones. Once you know your ideal, you can think "does this get me at least a little closer to what I want to get to?" If not, it's not right. And if you can be clearer on what your non negotiable things are, that will also help you. Make a list of your must haves, like max. travel, hours, flexibility, minimum pay etc. Then a list of the "would likes" and one for " ideal". This will help you really consider the options and also help you negotiate. If you don't ask you don't get. They maybe more open to things than you think. It is working for your current company, so could work for others too even if they are not currently doing it. Be clear on how you can help them with what their company is trying to achieve, but also on what you need so you can be the best employee possible for them. Good luck!

I saw from your first post that you could afford a short time out of work. Would it be possible to take some unpaid leave to think about what you want and maybe explore other experiences, e.g. do some training or voluntary work?
If your firm won't let you voluntarily you can take unpaid parental leave. With four children you could potentially take up to 16 weeks in one year.

I am also a lawyer and was stuck in a rut a few years ago, but also had no flexibility. My firm was restructuring so I took voluntary redundancy which meant I was able to have some time off before I needed to find another job. I spent a few months where I mostly had a bit of a break but also did some short projects and voluntary work that was in the legal sector but a not-for-profit organisation. I then had a few jobs in different types of role, some in house, others back in practice, but mostly short term fixed term contracts. It gave me some different experiences and time to better understand what I valued in work and also find out some things I thought would appeal actually did not suit me. I eventually found my current role, which is actually quite similar to what I was doing before but in a firm with a very different culture. When I came to make this move though it was definitely a positive choice as I had learnt more about what I found satisfying and what my strengths were.

There was quite a lot of uncertainty but it has definitely worth it. Leaving with nothing though is very daunting, and I was lucky that I had redundancy money as a cushion. Seeing if you could take some unpaid leave may help though in a similar way.

I'm a lawyer. When you say you have flexibility, what do you mean? In my experience firms are all about flexibility at the moment as they've worked out it's the only way to stop the brain drain of women leaving for in house roles. I'm client facing but all jobs I've interviewed for recently have been willing to consider 1-2 days a week from home for example. We have (well respected and partner track) lawyers working term time only as well. I'm actually moving in-house but it's the same there - apparently the office is dead on a Friday as everyone works from home. It's still long hours (which to be fair comes with the pay in my mind) but flexibility seems to be the norm.

Thanks Theresa17, really helpful and I appreciate it. I did make a list and worryingly found a lot of the ‘must haves’ are in my current job!! The thing about my current job is that whilst there are some aspects of the work I like, I am just not a fan of the technical aspects - and am now finding that I just don’t care as no one else does so why should I? We have also had some management changes which makes life worse as they have complete apathy for my function and I pretty much get ignored and feel excluded from the team. I have asked for extra resource to help complete some of the tasks but that has been rejected. It’s got to the stage that I am stubborn but also equally apathetic to confront the issue. At the start of this role, I loved it. Was in a great team that worked well and had engaged partners. I was very productive. Now, the team has gone including engaged partners for various reasons. It’s a very difficult culture to engage in. I love the wider firm and the other wider initiatives I am involved in. But don’t like the group or day to day job anymore. I would be very sad to leave and quite worried about taking on same role elsewhere in cases same problems persist - plus I lose goodwill I have developed and comfort zone - despite the misery. I think I would enjoy KM but have no direct systems experience other than what I am exposed to in current role. I am exploring whether there might be scope to move internally but chances are very slim.

Thanks Brugmansia, yes trying different things and developing a portfolio of work sounds appealing but also a little risky. I had the chance to take voluntary redundancy some while ago but just wasn’t in the position to do so at the time and also enjoyed the role then. It’s interesting that you have ended up in a similar role - do you have flexibility now?

Thanks somewhere. That’s reassuring to know that other places offer flex. I do seem to have ultimate flex - wfh when I want, leave office to go to school events, part time working. On paper, it seems stupid to leave for this alone. But i have so much flex partly due to apathy for my role! I think I do care too much about what others think of me and perhaps just need to turn up, do the work and leave.

@Jojogabor Just quickly: Just because you have a lot of the non-negotiable in your current job doesn't mean you couldn't find them elsewhere. But I appreciate it makes it much harder to consider leaving. I think looking at any little change you could make to your roe is worth considering. Think stepping stones, rather than one big leap, if that is more workable for you right now. Have a good week and good luck with the interviews. If nothing else, they are a great experience :-)

Hi jogjabour. I’m in a similar position in that I’m bored senseless of my job and feel like I’m going nowhere. But I wish I had more flexibility but I’m scared to jump in case it’s worse. Also I have young kids and am a single parent.

At the moment I plan to maximise my investments so I can have more freedom to do something more interesting when dds are older. Wish you the best.

Thanks Theresa. Really helpful. I will definitely think about small stepping stones. It is definitely time for a change and now it’s all about making it happen. Let’s see how these interviews go but am really just keen to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people.

Thanks zsazsa. That’s a good plan to invest for the future. It seems like a way off to me but will be here sooner than I expect. Thanks for sharing and wish you all the very best also.