My anxiety -I made a mistake taking this secondment

[Jobionekenobi]

Recently after 16 year in one post I applied for a new job within my same organisation. As it turned out, I didn’t get the job but was offered a 12 month mat cover secondment which I took.

The back story here is that I have had the year from actual hell. Considering everything that has happened - and throw in having turned 41 and trouble conceiving it’s fair to say I am not in a great place.

I am one week into my secondment and I hate it. I walked in and got some weird vibes. I’ve come from a very stressed but close knit team, They have been my support network and I hadn’t realised to what extent until now. My new boss confirmed that they’ve been trying to deal with the issues within the team and that i wasn’t incorrect in Feeling like I’d walked into something.

Going back to my old job - not necessarily my old office is probably an option. I am very fortunate to be well thought of in my role. I am not bothered about career progression or what it would do to my career if I’m honest! If I don’t act now however, I might not have the opportunity to go back to the role for a while...I also don’t want to mess around my new boss.

Now I know the responses will be that I haven’t given this a chance - and I think that’s right. However, until I changed jobs I had no idea just how much this year had affected me and my anxiety (which I cope with and choose not to medicate for anymore as I’ve managed it). But yesterday I had a small panic attack which hasn’t happened to me for a very long time. It’s clear that even if this were the best job in the world, that this would still be an issue.

I should also say that my new job is extremely emotionally intense (to the point that I will have to be regularly assessed by a psychologist because of the type of role).

Has anyone ever been in this type of situation? All of my friends say I just haven’t settled in yet, but they don’t know just how this year has affected me or that I suffer from anxiety.

Any input would be great - thank you!

I'm sorry you've had such a bad year.

You say that you're fairly confident you could go back to your old role. Could you confide in your former manager that you're having doubts and ask if this would definitely be an option?

If you can agree this, I would try to agree a deadline - say, a month, by which you'll decide what you want to do - then you will be giving the role a chance, in the more confident spirit that you only have to endure it for a limited period.

It's quite common in my experience - I can think of three people where I work who went for other internal jobs, found they weren't what they expected, and came back to my department - one after 6 months, one after 3 months and one after just 2 weeks. If the role isn't for you - or isn't for you at this point in your life - there is no point in making yourself ill.

I'd call up the old manager today and ask them what the deal is, can you come back to the old job ASAP.

In our organisation, a secondment can be ended by either party at any point and managers don't usually like to recruit and retrain if they can help it.

I know it's only been a week but this doesn't sound like it's the right job for you. I'd see if I could make a confidential enquiry as to whether going back would be possible?

Thanks guys. I haven’t yet spoken to my former manager. We have a very good relationship fortunately, however as unhappy as I am I do still wonder if it’s better than the humiliation of going back to my old job - a hi guys, remember you gave me a leaving gift? Well I’m back!!

That being said, I spoke to a former manager in another office and he said he’d have me there in a heart beat, but not behind my pre-secondments managers back which is fair enough.

Today I’ve been supporting a client in a very tough situation and when it all broke down I suddenly realised that i’m probably in no position to offer emotional support!

ScreamingVelenta, you’ve made me feel lots better by knowing I’m not the only one! I think I sort of knew what the job was, but didn’t realised how fragile I was feeling emotionally.

One positive thing I’m going to do is seek some counselling. However, I need to make a decision about this mess I’ve got myself in :(

I was in a similar situation with my previous job. I worked for the company for 16 years, 8 of which I worked on set shifts to accommodate my childcare. After an office re-organisation and a change of mid-management I was told that if nothing had been amended in the contract of work to specify shifts/days of work the company had no obligation to honour any concession that was verbally agreed. They still helped me out in good will but they advised me for the future to always make sure there is a written agreement.

Sorry, I think somehow my post ended up in the wrong thread.