Some advice and a handheld please.

[Ilikethisone]

For the last year I suffered some pretty bad work place bullying from someone who used to be my line manager (included her blocking a promotion but also things like her taking the piss out of me to a large group of people in the office which I actually saw).

I do suffer with anxiety in general but it was well managed. I was head hunted, earlier in the year, but the job and pay didnt really suit. I stayed where I was on the promise of promotion, which was blocked (unofficially) by this manager as they are very senior. I found this out later but had already turned the offee for the new job down.

12 weeks ago I was rushed into hospital and initially it was suspected I had, had a stroke. Severe pain in my head, couldn't move. Anyway after staying in for a few days, scans, lumber puncture etc. It was decided it was actually extreme stress, depression and anxiety. My anxiety meds were changed. I had loads of painkillers and havent been to work since. I was so low at times I wanted to end it all felt like a failure. Felt I was failing my kids etc.

Anyway, while I have been off the company that head hunted me came back to me. They offered me a job that is almost twice as much as I am on, currently, adjusted the hours to suit me, comes with car. And It's basically my dream job.

I am going to current work today to hand my notice in. It's also a welfare meeting too
I just dont know what to say. My new manager has been great at supporting me, and organised counselling, but I just cant face going back to work for that company and cant turn down this opportunity.

I feel the new manager will feel I have thrown his help in his face or they will think I have been lying about my illness to job hunt. I definitely didnt job hunt. This company have offered me 3 roles in 18 months to get me to work for them. This is the only one that was worth taking.

I am feeling really anxious this morning and not sure how to start the converstation.

Any advice?

Tell them that you were headhunted and that you feel it would be better for your mental and physical health to work in a different environment.

Well done you. Wish someone would headhunt me so I can get out of my current place of work.

Thank you. So I should just be honest?

What if they dont believe I have been ill? They have seen my sick notes.

Does it matter if they dont believe me?

I have signed my new contract. Could they do something to stop me getting the job?

Well done you. Wish someone would headhunt me so I can get out of my current place of work.

Honestly, I never thought something like this would happen for me. The director told me last week, he wished he had offered me this role last year to make me go there.

I am suffering from imposter syndrome. Keep wondering how I have this director and HR director fooled into thinking I am worth what they will pay me.

I need to get over that though.

I sure something will come your way too. Sorry you are having a bad time at work.

Well done on new contract! Your new job is none of your current employers business. Focus on getting out of there with as little stress to you as possible. Remember they treated you poorly. And imposter syndrome is really common, google it. You will be fine.

they might want you to work your notice, they might allege breach of contract if you don't, but all they could really do as punishment is withhold paying you your notice and as you have a new job to go to, do you really need the money anyway?

I wouldn't worry about it

You don't have to explain why you are leaving, a simple one sentence letter or email advising of your resignation and what your last working day will be.

i would say that you cannot return because of the stress. end of.

Will your new role be ok with your sickness record?
That’s the only thing I would be worried about

Thank you. Had the meeting and my boss tried to convince me to stay. It took ages. He has taken as a personal failing of his. Though he has, on the whole being good.

He still insisted I think about it. I am home now and, after a cuppa, I am emailing my notice briefly and to the point.

New job are not fussed about my sickness record. They have been trying to get me on board for about a year. They know I was not happy there and the only reason I stayed is that the jobs other jobs were not doing something I liked. They wanted me working for them asap and wait for a role more suitable to come up.

My speciality is business improvement through people management. They need someone who specialises in improving a business, through good people management, but that also can provide good MI to identify and who improvment areas. They have always liked me personally and my people skills and the way I approach situations they also like that I can turn data into information, that the board can understand and actually use. I previously did a presentation on how to collect data on people management and employee engagement and how to turn that into useful information. Apparantly lots of people who work there are great at providing data. But not really able to look at how to improve it above just saying 'this week we will focus on this KPI'.

I wasnt going o take a job I didnt like as my first step into the company. They are aware of my anxiety and what's happened in my recent job. They have had my CV since before I started this job and applied to my referees on there. One of the directors has been a director of several large multi national companies. He knows my current company and isnt impressed by them as a company and from the people he knows who have held senior posts there. He isnt that fussed about a reference from their. He is happy with my other ones from companies he knows are run well.

I am quite lucky really. A mental health relapse or time off sick would have a lot of people not considering me for a post

So no worries there. Spoke to woman who head hunted me today and she is taking me out for a congratulatory lunch next friday.

Thank you all. I am just going to factually confirm my notice. Not explanation. Just that I am leaving and my leave date.

Thanks for being there and helping me out.

Well done

Work place bullying can really effect your confidence. You are doing the right thing.

It really did impact me.

Dp told me I had become a shadow of myself in the last year. So different to who he met. He was really worried. I just though it was general stresses. But then a woman I am on friendly terms with at work, told me her husband had said the same. He works in the same company at a different site. She worked on his site and moved to ours. She said she had changed so much and was so unhappy. At the hands of the same person. She is transferring back to the other site.

The woman who bullied me has been there since she was 19. So 30 years. She is senior and knows everyone. It's well known that if she doesnt like you, you are screwed. Last year someone if the same level, really well liked by all the other staff, went off sick and didnt return. Again due to this woman. She was snapped up by a competitor and so got paid 3 months gardening leave as well.

The director of this part of the business is good with people but poor in the business detail. She is excellent at business detail and so he relies heavily on her. Unfortunately, that means he turns a blind eye to her behaviour.

@HugoSpritz I often think about why people do this. What do they get out of bullying people.

In my situation, the women has almost exclusively bullied women on a similar role level to herself, who are doing well in their role. Perhaps she deosnt like completion or is insecure. I don't know.

But she definitely likes being the most senior female on site and acts as though it's up to her to organise everyone. Even people who dont work for her.

Congratulations on your new job, it sounds like a great opportunity and an ideal way to draw a line under the situation you've been in. I was once in a similar situation and the only way I could get closure was to leave the office entirely (organisation found me a job in another office in the end).

It's a shame your manager has taken it as a personal failure but I think that just shows up that what he did wasn't for you but for him.

Onwards and upwards!

So I have been asked to go into the new office next week as my first official day as the Senior Staff have a monthly lunch meeting and they want me to go along.

The business has won 2 new contracts recently and had a bug investor to buy in. So once lunch is done all the office are going out from drinks to celebrate.

I also liked that lunch will be provided for all staff, that need to be answering the phones and they have arranged for them all to have an hour lunch to enjoy it.

So looking forward to that.

Had an email from the existing place basically saying g they dont want me to leave and want to meet to see what they can do. I just dont want to stay, so replied with that.