Gift collection for colleagues - expected to fork out £25+ for someone I barely know :(

[Gson]

Hi all,

Not sure what topic I should be putting this in but here we go.

So I joined a new company a month ago. I LOVE my new team, great morale and really close. However, I am at the lower end of the pay scale (lowest) and during my first week someone on the team left. I was expected to pay £15 towards their leaving gift, even though I had been in the company for a matter of days. I wasn't asked-an email just flew into my inbox saying along the lines of 'we've bought this present so can you transfer me this amount, here are my bank details'.

Now that really annoyed me. I earn little, I pay an AWFUL lot in travel to and from work and I am saving for a flat. I don't do anything nice for me. all my money goes into savings and travel. I would have been happy to contribute, say a fiver. But it was the expectation.

Anyway I did transfer the money and let It go. And then...this week. Another email comes into my inbox - someone on the team is leaving to have a baby in just over a month. Someone again who I don't speak to often, don't work with closely. I am incredibly happy for her that she's having a baby - what fantastic news and of course I would be happy to contribute. But now they've asked for £25 + from each of us.

I am so upset. I cannot afford to keep putting this kind of money in and not being given a CHOICE. But I fear this is how it is. WHY? Wherever I've worked previously - an envelope has gone round and I have never ever put more that £10 in. Help! What to do!!!

Ugh. I hate this. I worked for a company when there was a set amount expected for birthdays, babies, leaving gifts, weddings, even buying houses. It was only £2 an occasion, but that added up fast with 60 people in the company! In the end I just ignored the requests.

How many people do you work with? I'd suggest you be brave and say you don't want to partake and don't expect anything in return when you have such occasions. There must be others who decline to take part?

@CareOwl16

There about 600 people in the whole company - our team is small within the company. I don't know why the contribution doesn't go out to the whole department!?

I am very shy and a people pleaser - the thought of turning round and saying no is so frightening to me. What happens if they all hate me after! I know it sounds irrational - this job just means so much to me. It's my dream job, my dream role. So to piss anyone off to me would be a nightmare!

Can you maybe have a quiet work with hr or your manager in that case? There must be some people who don't take part?

That's just silly. They should do a collection and then decide what to buy depending on how much they collect, not the other way around.

Could you use the bank details and just transfer £5 Or £10? So you've contributed an amount you're happy with?

That’s atrocious.

It should be an envelope and you put in what you can afford.

I once had a request to give a senior manager who was leaving, who I'd spoken to twice in three years, £10 for a leaving present. I wouldn't usually mind giving a fiver to a colleague i knew but for someone I didn't have anything to do with it was a bit much, so I just gave a reduced amount. No one said anything ! I get that its hard when you're new but I'd be tempted to just give a fiver and say that's all you are able to give.

No way! Most I'd pay would be £10, but that's if I'd worked with them for ages and was close to them. Most of the time, I'd give £2-5.

I hate this sort of stuff. I'm fairly senior and as one of a handful of women in a team of 40 have often organised mat leave gifts for women and flowers / fruit baskets for our ill colleagues etc. Just because no-one else can be bothered to do it. So I generally will put in £40 of my own cash, buy a card and send around that with an envelope knowing that my staff will drop in a few pounds but most importantly sign the card.
My senior directors on twice my salary don't do anything.. they're the cheapest of them all which is awful.

You really need to say you can't afford it, would love to contribute more etc. Don't go to the events but make up sickness excuses etc. I've noticed some of my staff do this, so I've offered to put money on the bar tab. I am a single Mum btw - but lucky enough to earn a decent salary - but happy to spend some money keeping my team happy and involved and included!