Any SAHM's out there regret their decision?

[TartWithAHeart]

I have been a SAHM for four years. DS is now 3.9. During that time I have also been a part-time student at university. DH has been the only earner during that time.

This has put a strain on our finances, what with paying for the course, having a child and we had only been in our new house for a year. We have had to sacrifice a lot. of "material" things, but reasoned that they were just "things" that we could always have another time.

DS is happy and bright and has been going to nursery part-time since he was 22 months old. I don't regret staying with him - but I just feel so guilty about our financial situation - because I have not been bringing any money into the house - even though DH is fine with this and it was a joint decision - I hate the fact that we are in debt.

My course finished last year. I am ready for the world of work but can't help feeling guilty for our financial situation, disillusioned that after four years of training for a new career, I'll probably still have to go back to office work until I find the paid work in my field (I currently work on a voluntary basis)and worried that it will take years and years before DH and I get financially on track.

Is it just me who feels like this?

well that sounds like a great idea TW. Does the school he would be going to have a pre-school attached? It is great if that set up exists as they meet all the kids they'll be going up to Reception with.

£200 a month is not to be sniffed at! Go for it.

Yes the nursery he goes to now is a private nursery which is based within the grounds of the school he will be going to, but the school also has an LEA nursery, which is also on the same grounds. So he would not actually be changing location. I was getting concerned anyway because some of the children at the private nursery are going on to different schools, so at least if he goes to the LEA nursery he will have some continuity of friends when he starts Reception.

Now all I need is a job for two an a half hours a day that pays £50.00 an hour

TWAH if you find a job like that let me know too

Haven't got time to read all the contributions, but from how you've described your time with your DS (e.g. baking, playing in the park, making stuff), it sounds like he has had an idyllic childhood, and done loads of entertaining and educational things with the person he loves most in the world.

When I hear of young children holidaying in exotic, far-flung destinations, having parties at expensive amusement parks, and later on, going to secondary school "proms" in limosines, dressed in £300 frocks (I kid yee not), I wonder what these young people will have to do to feel a sense of thrill and wonder as they get older.

By starting your kid off on less extravagent, but equally as fulfilling and fun, activities, I think you are doing him a massive favour.

Like I said, guilt is a wasted emotion, and it doesn't sound like you actually have much to feel guilty about. Sounds like you've been doing a great job all along.

Well said Anonymama! Kids these days often have a ridiculously indulgent lifestyle compared to how it was for us growing up. And like you say, when they have to work for all these things themselves they are in for a shock! I can't understand why people give their kids the Argos catalogue before Christmas and tell them to look through it for present ideas!! They then complain about the cost of Christmas! I really have to bite my tongue.

Our DS1 is 5 and last year could only come up with chocolate biscuits whenever anyone asked her what she'd like for Christmas! Perhaps she is a bit unusual but long may it continue. She ended up with a beautiful Mamas and Papas pram with all accessories for £8 from a boot sale!! (and was chuffed!)

TWAH - further to my earlier post re boot sales - I often proudly remind my husband of how much money I have saved him by buying a lot of the kids clothes at boot sales, NCT Nearly New Sales (I ran our local branch sales for 3 years) and from ebay. Often more expensive brands that we could ever have afforded.

Anyway this is a great thread and food for thought for us all.

My happiest friends are the ones who work 2 or 3 days a week in a job they like, and who have free childcare - idyllic or what?!!

I agree with both of you - and acually having everything you want must send the wrong message for a child and give them a false sense of what the real world is really like.