I feel like I can never make the right choices... I qualified in my profession (HR) 18 years ago and during my 20s I jumped around a lot but did manage to get some progression to manager/consultant level by going the interim route however this was at the expense of stability in one organisation.
I was on a 3 month contract as a consultant when I found out I was (unexpectedly ) pregnant and a job at a more junior level became available where I was working... I jumped at it thinking it would be good to get all the benefits of mat pay/leave and something to come back to. I shelved my career ambitions as I was focusing on starting a family.
I did go back to work and ended up having another baby, then fell into regional working whereby I was field based rather than office based although still at the more junior level. I loved the freedom of not having to go into an office from 9-5, being out on the road most days or working from home. For the first couple of years I enjoyed the job, then I began to get bored and wanted more development. The company I was working for were not very receptive to that, I had an awful boss who didn't believe in developing her staff and there was a bit of a 'keep them in their place' mentality to me and my peers.
I began to crave development and progression to the extent it gnawed at me, my boss then went on maternity leave but neither me or my colleague were considered for her role and we both got hacked off and left. The job I left for turned out to be completely wrong for me, mis-sold etc so I quit and thought I'd try and get back into a management role despite the fact that I'd become quite de skilled during my time at the home/field based role .
I did get a management role in an office based job, as field based jobs in my profession are not that common. Going back into an office after 7 years was an absolute shock to the system and I felt like a fish out of water in a big open plan thing, having to be there until a certain time, the commute... all the things you don't get with field based which is such a very different way of working.
I thought if I was going to quit I needed to do it sooner rather than later as two short lived jobs on my CV would not look good at all. I thought I need to go back to regional working, can't hack office life. I just find it really difficult to sit in the same place for 8 hours at a time, I need to be active. I felt like a caged tiger.
Anyway so I quit and did find another field based role quite quickly, but it was at the more junior level. I thought, fine, worth the trade off to not be office based and the money was the same as the job I'd just quit, more with the car allowance.
Well I've been there a few months now and it's okay but I can just see that I'm not going to get much growth out of this job. There isn't much of a career path I can see, I have one manager in head office and she is fine to let me get on with my work but doesn't give me much direction or opportunity to learn new skills ( i have asked).
So the old ambition feeling has come back, this sense that I'm working beneath my potential.
I'm not going to quit as I need some stability on my CV for at least a year. But then what? Do I go back into an office role to get the growth I need? Field based roles at the next rung on the ladder are very rare and very sought after. I'm not sure I'll get the development and experience here to really be able to compete for those. Do I go back down the interim route?
I love being field based but its very definitely been at the expense of career development. I do sometimes wonder if I just have 'grass is greener' syndrome and I'll never be happy. But I also have a deep desire to progress and develop my career that I can push down, but it keeps coming back. I know I can't have it all, so how do I choose and commit to something? I feel like I keep making choices and regretting them.