Is this the right way to deal with this?

[Alicia870]

I've just returned to work following my first mat leave. DD is 8 months.

Before I went off there is a girl I work with who just doesn't seem to like me. I've always tried to make an effort with her and be friendly and professional, but she always isolated me from conversations, turning her back to me at break times, never ever initiating a conversation etc.

It did get worse when I was pregnant. she never acknowledged it, never wished me well when going off to have baby, just never spoke to me about it. I had 3 different colleagues in work tell me that she told them she was jealous that I was having a baby. At that time she told them she wanted to try but her partner wasn't ready.

My attitude is- I don't know what's going on in her life, maybe she's having trouble conceiving or has experienced loss, and if that's the case I have much sympathy for her. I try not to judge her reasons for isolating me, but the pregnancy only seemed to make it worse- she had already been very cold towards me from day one.
I get that not everyone is going to like me. But I've returned to work she hasn't initiated one interaction with me. Now out desks are pretty much beside each other and she never says hello. If I walk in, she will just keep her head down and act as though I'm invisible. I always initiate by saying morning, how are you? Just to be professional and polite. and I get an abrupt response while she chats at length about random daily chat with other colleagues in front of me. This morning I walked in and her and another lady were chatting. The other lady said 'morning alicia' and I said 'morning' and this girl didn't say a thing.
My point is it's just very clear she doesn't like me and I'm ok with that - I don't know what her reason is, but I can't make her like me.
But how should I deal with this. It's hurtful to keep being ignored incessantly. At the moment I feel like I'm being kicked but still keep squeaking back with a 'hello, how was your weekend' to which I'll get a brief response. But she has yet to initiate hello, welcome back, how is your child, how are you. A basic 'good morning' would suffice, but she seems to be completely refusing to even do this. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don't know how to best deal with it. Should I just stop all efforts to be polite? (It's just not in my nature to ignore someone which is why I'm finding this hard!)

Let it go. Just say good morning so you're not being rude and blanking her, then leave her alone.

Can I bump this as really would love some advice 🙈
Since I wrote this I've been in two minds about how to behave around this girl. In a period of feeling very much like 'I can't be walked all over', I've just taken to stopping initiating any conversation as well.
Now I feel like it's just soo awkward. Today for example we ended up being the only two at lunch for about 5 minutes. I sat openly with no phone in front of me and she sat opposite with her head down at her phone. Ordinarily I'd start some bs small talk and be friendly as I usually do, but I just feel like why should I? I don't have walk all over me written on my head? But at the same time it just feels so unnatural and awkward. When other people joined I felt such an atmosphere as she continued to strike up chat straight away with the first person who came over while she turned away from me the whole time and made no eye contact. It's so awkward because I feel like other people are picking up on it and try to include me in the convo, which is really uncomfortable because it's like a 3 way conversation where she is ignoring and isolating me!
I just feel I'm stuck between just accepting it and ignoring her back, or being friendly despite her coldness.
Today though I did almost feel a tear sitting there as it just makes me feel so small and essentially, feel bullied. I just don't like this way of behaving- it's not in my nature and I don't know how to cope with this!

That doesn't sound like a nice environment at all. Would you ask her what is wrong?

Yes it's really horrible and starting to seep into my time outside of work with always thinking about it and trying to work out what I've done and also dread being around her! I have no other problems with anyone else at all in work. I have thought about saying something but I just feel that it will only make things more awkward.

She'll prob be caught off guard and feel attacked or angry and it definitely isn't going to all of a sudden make her change. I just don't know how to behave in the meantime.
Like should I keep trying to talk (I feel loathe to do so as I just feel it makes me look like it's fine for her to treat me like that) or just keep ignoring back (not great either as it causes a huge atmosphere and tension). But none of this is my doing- really rubbish!

That sounds awful. I think you have to ask her out right, if you have offended her in anyway. As it seems like , maybe you you have, by the way she’s is treating you or as you said, it could be because she is jealous of you, re: baby. It will be interesting to hear, what she says. The other thing you could do, is there anyone , who you are friendly with, to maybe ask, if she has a problem with you.

It definitely is rubbish! Do you have the same manager? Have they not noticed how she is to you? Would you feel more comfortable speaking to them and letting them know how this is affecting you? Or speaking to HR?

I have a good friend in work who I've known for many years and know from before I started there. We are pretty much best friends and have been for 13 years but I've only worked there for 3.
My friend worked here before I started(let's call her Maggie) and she started with this girl. It seems quite clear that there is some sort of ill feeling towards me from the very first day I started, potentially because I'm friends with maggie (indeed much better friends than they are).
Maggie has pryed about how she feels about me and the last time was when I was pregnant she said to her 'did you hear about alicia' and she just said she was jealous.
I don't actually think t is anything I've done really- I just get the feeling there is some kind of bitterness because I'm better friends with Maggie than she is! I really just feel I can't speak to anyone about it as it's just going to cause more atmosphere and I can't see her all of a sudden starting to speak to me.

In a way passive aggressive behaviour and avoidant behaviour seems worse than outright bullying to me. As it's so subtle it's hard to actually prove.
It's really mean I could just never treat anyone like this. But I'm a big girl and have to just suck it up I suppose :(

You should consider speaking to HR. It's bullying behaviour and completely unprofessional.

I agree with Cerise, it is bullying, albeit in a passive-agressive way. Perhaps you could speak to your line manager, tell them what you have told us here, and ask them to quietly keep an eye on what is going on in the office, so that they can see for themselves what the issue is with their own eyes. They can then decide what can be done about it. There's no point in you putting in an official complaint - the manager has to see a problem and take it up with her themselves.

And while all this is going on, rise completely above it, be professional, polite and nice to everyone including her.

You need to follow the line of what will happen if you don't tackle this in 1, 3, 5 years. Your confidence and self-esteem will be shot and it will affect your career and personal life. Alternatively, if you report her to your manager or HR, could it really get worse? It might even get better. And at least you will know that you took action to improve the situation. Do you have someone who can back up your story? And keep a diary of her behaviour.