Had a pretty shitty appraisal meeting last week. Been at my company 3.5years, have gone through one promotion 2 years ago, and it just feels like I can't win. While I had moderately good feedback, I also had a lot of negatives about my knowledge/understanding and my attitude. I find this really hard to accept because I work tirelessly and I try to be as enthusiastic as possible, but it feels like the expectation of my role is way above what I should actually doing. I'm still in a moderately junior position but it feels like the expectation is so high that I keep failing and will Therefore never reach it. My reporting line manager also does a different sort of role to what I do so she's not able to advise me fully on what I should do because she doesn't know what I do. That's really confusing I know.
I also have a colleague that I don't particularly get on with but I always try to be polite and pleasant, yet I have been told that I'm causing tension with her, even though the person in question is a completely different person towards me when my manager is in the room. Therefore she doesn't see what she's really like and how she undermines me.
I just feel at a complete loss. I feel like I'm completely losing my spark and confidence and the thing that makes me me. To top off my husband and I have been trying for a baby without success and I just don't know if I should leave and put the baby stuff on hold. Which would be really difficult.
I guess I just need some honest advice as I'm at a complete loss and feel like this company is draining.