Not so much an issue, more about building confidence......

[Chocolonely]

I’ve been in my job for 2 yrs. I am working in an area that I have wanted to for a long time. I am delighted with the opportunity but.....

The team I work in is quite dysfunctional. There is a bit of management by fear and lots of team members confide in me with their worries and concerns.

In addition I work in an area that is quite new and sometimes difficult to explain and/or people don’t get it. I have to do a lot of engagement and run workshops etc. I am beginning to really lose my confidence. It’s like I know what to do but then just never do it. I then get into a panic and am not delivering to my best.

I’ve tried to discuss this with a manager and their response was fake it until you make it. Whilst I try that, it isn’t going to work forever. I’m also in a really unique and lucky position to be working in an area that could really lead to some amazing things. I want to stop feeling frozen, worrying about messing up or what people will think and just get on and do it. I have put in considerable hours of my own time to swot up and learn a lot of new things- I just need to take this learning and apply it. Confidence seems to be at zero!

Does anyone have any tips for building confidence or how to get through faking it until you make it?

Bumping to see if anyone during day has time for some advice

Keep a brag file - that is, make a note, not just in your head, but in a file or a notebook, when you do something well, if someone gives you positive feedback, anything like that. When you're feeling down, go through the comments to remind yourself.

You need to make it a habit, and it's easy to slip our of the habit when your confidence is low and write off your achievements with, "I was just lucky" and things like that. It is difficult to recognise your own input and how it's contributed to the success of a project, a conversation, a sale, a resolution of a problem, when you're not feeling confident.

Is there anything you can do to improve the climate of fear? If people are confiding in you, that suggests they find you trustworthy. Who or what creates the climate? Is there anything you can do to improve things?

Do you think there could be a connection between working in this environment and your lost confidence? I only ask as places that are run the way you describe can leave employees feeling like this as the tension seeps in.

@Chocolonely how are you today, Choco? X

Thank you for messages. What you say makes sense. I think the tension does cause a lot of it. I was working in another place for the last couple of days and I felt much braver.

Today I felt a bit more confidence, but then being back in the environment started to take its grind.

@Chocolonely. It’s happened to me not so long ago. I knew going in that something wasn’t 100% right but tried to keep my head down. Despite that, my confidence really disintegrated throughout the year and I felt more and more staff could sense it and then, by the end, I was just getting dumped on and spoken to in the horrible way of ways. There was a tension in that place that had to find a home and everyone else there could sense it and made sure they avoided letting it land on them. Don’t ask me how as I don’t know but I know I ended up with it.

Don’t know how much sense that makes but it’s the only way to explain it w/o specifics

I call my brag file my ta-da list.

@Chocolonely also just reading through your post again you have 3 things against you here

A management ruling by fear
Insecure colleagues
New system/ideas to implement

Thinking about similar situations in the past that have been successful for colleagues, I would suggest working with what your team are already confident with and introduce new ideas as an add on to their existing set up rather than an entirely new system. Gradual, small, soft introductions that allow them to feel in control and buoyed up by the change and tie the changes in with their existing concerns. It soulnds as though they are a bit overwhelmed there and perhaps, because you are really into this and enthusiastic they can see how far you want to go but also how far that will force them to go.

Hope that makes sense. I have just witnessed this in the past and realised only accept what can seem like microscopic changes, on their terms ( so you have to frame it in a way that allows them that latitude).

And realised some people only accept, sorry

Thanks Supergirl, those are really fantastic tips! I’m also trying to stay upbeat and not get bogged down in the conversation about how horrible everything is. I do feel that I am also suffering from imposter syndrome, thinking I will be found out and/or everyone will realise I am not any good.
I’ve made an appointment with my GP too, partly spurred on by your supportive posts. I’ve noticed that I feel really bad just before my period is due so perhaps there is something hormonal going on too. Though the issues at work are serious enough, but perhaps made worse by my state of mind.

Best way of luck. If it helps, try not to judge the success of your day by your normal expectations but take into account their limitations. So, your starting point isn’t the standards you would normally achieve but where they are coming from. You are doing the heavy lifting so just fulfilling your minimum duties is an achievement in an unsupportive environment. X

Thank you again supergirl, really fantastic advice 🌺🌺

@Choco my pleasure xx