New job, nightmare boss, help needed!

[Birthdaybluess]

New job, new company, what should be fantastic career prospects. Met new boss several times in interview process, was excited about how well we could work together.

One month in.....the place is in a huge mess. Literally problems with everything - staff, morale, process, systems, risk. I like the idea of a challenge and optimistic long term these issues can be sorted...BUT...

my boss is horrible to work with. She shouts at people, is rude and demeaning to others in front of others, is extremely self entitled. She is relatively new herself (6 months). Recently she has belittled and embarrassed me in front of junior colleagues. She undermines me and my decisions (I'm a senior manager) and the final straw has been shouting, yes shouting about problems in my dept. effectively blaming me for issues that existed long before my or her arrival (talking years). It had reached the point the other colleagues have come to me to see if ok/empathise with stories of their own.

What do I do??

Clearly one option is leave but I would like to try and make it work.

Two option really

1. Leave. Sorry, but she’ll never change. Been there done that.

1. you go over her head and whistleblow on her and deal with the consequences.

If you’ve only been there a month you could leave and never need to mention it on your cv. But you can’t stay with her there - my confidence was destroyed by a similar situation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. (I’m fine now but it was grim for a while)

It won’t work.

You should be upfront with her and explain that when you are shouted at, you feel belittled and under valued. You also feel you’re being blamed for problems which are historic.

At the same time, job hunt.

Having struggled along with similar I would advise you to get a new job ASAP

From bitter experience I don't think you can make it work. If you stay you'll just get more and more demoralised and possibly lose all your self confidence as well. I know I did working for a woman that sounds like your boss. Honestly I'd just get out as soon as you can. It hadn't turned out to be the job you thought it was, so I can't see the issue at future interviews.

Short of her going, I don't see how it can change. It doesn't sound like she's motivating the team to resolve any of the problems she inherited. Is it even possible to turn things round with someone that sounds so unprofessional at the helm?

If your boss weren't so new, I would say leave.

But the fact that she's new means there is hope that your company will actually do something.

You have the power here. Ask for a meeting with whoever supervises her and just be matter-of-fact. 'Obviously I don't want to leave but the situation with X' s behaviour isn't sustainable.' Give three concrete examples and say the situation needs to be resolved.

The tone to take here is that you're regretfully telling them about a problem that they have, not you.

And then just sit back for a week or so. If they don't resolve it immediately, they never will. And there's your answer.

Yes, exactly that. You have the advantage of being a new person so can take the ‘shocked and surprised’ line.

I'm really surprised by advice to say to her, 'when you shout, I feel humilated'

Number one, it makes it seem like OP's issue.

Number two - - I mean, the boss knows that. That's why she's shouting.

Has anyone ever had success with that approach?

Waytoo makes a good point about your boss being new too. That gives you a good opening but yes, if they do nothing, that’s your answer.

In my case, I was called in by a senior person who I did work for, ostensibly to tell me off for being rubbish (that’s how my nightmare boss put it) but it was actually to tell me that I was great, but he wanted a quiet word to say they all understood the challenges I faced with my manager and I had to find a way to deal with it. That was the final straw for me - confirming that senior people knew but not helping from their position of power other than to tell me I had to solve it. Grrr. (Sorry, I sound really bitter - it was a truly awful time)

Yikes Piff. Spineless or what?

I've been off work for months due to issues at work, I wish I'd left when I was well enough to do another job.

How resilient are you? If you can deal with her behaviour stay; if you think it will lead to too much stress look for something else now.

Do what waytooearly says

Indeed waytoo but I'm grateful in a way because he (possibly unintentionally ) did me a favour by showing me her behaviour was accepted and condoned and that my only solution was to leave ASAP. Which I did!

Just wondering what would happen if when she shouts at you, you say in a firm and calm voice 'please don't speak to me like that' or 'I'm not comfortable with the way you're speaking to me'.

Bullies hate to have the light shone on their behaviour.

Wouldn't advise to go over her head and whistleblow.

I did that in a new job once. I was on the verge of leaving anyway so thought I didn't have much to lose.

I was out the door within a week!

I've had a fair few bosses in my time - and I hate to say it, but it has always been women bosses that have been a nightmare. I gave up a management role once due to the behaviour of my woman boss. Life's too short!

The most skilled and inspiring bosses I've ever had have been women.

Keep us posted, OP!

Sorry posted and ran as had full on day. Thanks for all the replies. I really am excited by the potential (despite all the other issues) of what could be a good career move so keen to address what I can.

There have been multiple staff changes (her boss included) and again aware this could be red flags but hopeful are actually all for the better. Management are bringing in new ideas, experience etc to drive change.

I like idea of politely saying that was a a bit strong/inappropriate. Guess am nervous that I'm still on probation!

I do think she lashes out when loses control, I don't act like that myself so hard to deal with.

My concern is that she does acknowledge she is "quite firm" and that she is confusing that with being a hard but good manager. That's not the case. I'm a firm believer in you don't have to act like a (stereotypical) man to be a good female boss! She appears to take the opposite stance.

If she is literally shouting at you, as you said, there is no way you'll ever have a normal working relationship.

I still recommend going to mgmt. If they do nothing, nows the time to leave.

These sort of people always rely on the fact that the fear of losing your job will stop you speaking out.

But if someone was really rude to me, I would tell them that their behaviour was rude. I would also say something like "erm, shall we start this discussion again without you shouting at me"? It takes guts but nobody should be putting up with such unprofessional behaviour in the workplace.

Been where you are! These types don't change the way they work. I've recently accepted a role and I'm yet to tell current boss, but I know for a fact it will end badly as he's a control freak and enjoys nothing more than to humiliate his staff in front of each other. I hope you find a solution soon

Guess am nervous that I'm still on probation!

Probation is irrelevant in these circumstances. She could bawl you out in the middle of the open plan office the day after probation. The only difference is you'd probably have an uplift in your notice period.

I really am excited by the potential (despite all the other issues) of what could be a good career move so keen to address what I can.

You can't "address" someone else's bad behaviour if that's how they treat staff. It could be the most fantastic job on paper but if this person stands in the way of you doing your job and is determined to destroy the professional relationship, that's not your problem to fix.

Anyone who belittles, embarrasses and undermines you this early on in the relationship is never going to change, their demeanour speaks volumes. They think they are "being a manager", no they have delusions of grandure and they are probably out of their depth!

Did you manage to have a word with boss OP?