Giving up work...

[AimeeSolange]

Well, I know this question has probably been asked a million times on here, so sorry to be repetitive, but... should I give up work?

I have three little ones - a 4yr old (not yet in school - will be in September) and 14 month old twins. I currently work two days a week, which doesn't sound like a lot, I realise, but I just feel constantly frazzled and stressed and down about how much I have to get through every single day. I realise that this is mostly due to having three small children, but wondering if giving up work would help? I should also say that I know that being a full time sahm is no picnic, especially with twin toddlers and a small child!

My main reasons for wanting to give up are:

• I want to enjoy the time with them before they're all at school - feel like time is passing too quickly.
• The childcare costs for three are phenomenal
• One of the twins absolutely hates nursery and cries every single time I drop off, and is always crying when I pick up. They always say she has 'had a lovely day', but I can't shake off the suspicion that she is actually crying and a bit neglected all day long.
• I feel constantly stressed and exhausted (the twins are not great sleepers, so managing everything on 5 hours sleep a night, which doesn't help)

My main reasons for thinking I should stay are:

• Money worries - not sure how we'd manage without the second income, esp in terms of applying for things like tenancy agreements/mortgage
• Worried about finding another job, esp something that fits in with the children (my current employer is quite understanding about flexi-working, which helps a lot)
• Worried I might go bonkers as a full-time mum (one of the twins is especially high maintenance and literally wails inconsolably whenever I leave the room for 10 seconds - always has done - at least at work I can reset my sanity, but then I hate the thought of her being so upset without me).

Essentially, I am exhausted physically and emotionally and can't understand what is best for our family. Any thoughts very gratefully received!

I would be very wary of giving up a job that offers you the flexibility you need. I was talking to my colleague about this yesterday as it happens - it is hard to find a flexible job as a new starter and much easier to get what you need from an existing employer.

Childcare is a temporary expense - your bill will reduce in September. I’d have gone mad without the chance to reset on my two days at work. I think “constantly frazzled and stressed” applies to most working parents with tiny children - and two days isn’t a lot, imagine if you were FT!

Haven’t even got to the points about not giving up your living and protecting your own financial future and pension etc etc.

I would play the long game with this and not give up your job. It feels hard now but so many of us have been there and we’ve all lived to tell the tale! It’s a moment in time.

I only have one toddler, so I can’t begin to imagine how hard it must be. But if I were in your shoes, I’d try to ride it out to see if things feel more manageable over the next 6-12 months. I felt so exhausted for my first year back at work after maternity, but things felt much better after a year back at work. It sounds like things are tough but you wouldn’t have it easier as such being a SAHM, just a different kind of pressure. Maybe see how you feel in the new year?

Hi anothercuppa!

Thanks so much for the reply! Yes, I suspect I might just need to survive a few more months and it might start to get better. Hope you're coping well :)

I would keep going. I don't think it will make your life easier or your child much/at all happier. But you will lose a lot of long term positives. It will all get easier in a relatively short amount of time ie just a couple of years. You actually sound like you have a brilliant balance and its just hard because it is just hard at this age & stage. Just enjoy as much as you can, keep up as much self care as poss and remember the bad bits will soon pass.

I think that if you have a job that allows you to only work 2 days a week then you'd be silly to give it up, unless you actually hated the job.

You say you want to spend this time with them whilst they're young but you are already doing this, 5 days a week. Then again, I work 4 days a week and actually considering upping it back to 5 days

I would definitely stick it out - it's not all about money either, it's about having adult conversations and pension contributions etc.

Late to the party, but agree with all the PPs - it is so hard to find a good, well-paid flexible/part-time job from scratch.

I resigned from my relatively well-paid three-days a week after the end of my second maternity leave..

And whilst I don't necessarily regret it (the cost of two sets of nursery fees, albeit only until September, plus a £70/day commute into London meant that I would have actually been paying to go to work plus being out of the house for 13 hours a day), I am finding it hard looking for something similar locally.

Can you take a day off as annual leave Evey so often whilst the DC are in childcare to catch up a bit? Tbh it's one of the things I'm looking forward to about going back to work - taking a day off for myself