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Original poster

Not returning to work....

14 replies

ZiggyStar16 · 31/05/2019 03:59

I always thought I wanted to go back to work and have a successful career. My daughter's are 3 and 1. It's not that I don't want to work ever again. I don't want to miss out on them growing up and I think they need a parent around. We live in Perth Australia and we have no immediate family to share the child care, so if I returned to work, my girls would be in full time child care. My husband and I can afford for one of us to be a stay at home parent, so I don't need to work.

I am worried that if I make the decision to stay at home, my future career options will be ruined. And that loss of independence is scary, as you don't know what will happen in the future.

Has anyone else struggled with this decision??

OP posts:

Babysharkdododont · 31/05/2019 09:54

I didn't struggle, I was 100% committed to going back to work. For me I couldn't pin my financial security on someone else, and also enjoy the varience of working part time and being home part time. You don't work for the money when the children are young, you do it for your sanity and security in my opinion.

Teddybear45 · 31/05/2019 10:01

Longer term the benefits of working are more than just the cost of childcare - salary increases, pension contributions, experience all tot up.

You also need to consider the professional job market in Australia. Admittedly I only have knowledge of it around Canberra / Sydney but it’s very Asian style in terms of competitiveness outside of medicine / government. So any kind of career break may result in you being unable to ever return to a well paying job. Need to consider that because with the way the Aussie job market is you should never rely on just one person’s income forever.

MustardScreams · 31/05/2019 10:06

I would never rely on another person entirely for financial security. What if your husband lost his job, or had an accident or illness that prevented him from working? It’s much better to be part time and have a foot in the door than try and find a job after a long period of not working.

Short term pain (childcare costs) for long term gain (financial security, independence).

lunchable · 31/05/2019 10:12

OP I had a similar dilemma with kids similar ages. Nearly everyone on here will say don't give up your career. However I had an opportunity to take a break from work (dh got a higher paid job) and tbh it was a no brainer once I thought about what I really wanted. Plus a change of circa meant logistical challenges.

Granted I haven't yet tried to return to work, although I plan to in about a year or two. But it's made life a lot easier not worrying about childcare drop offs or school holidays, illnesses etc. I thought there would not really be a better time to spend time with the kids, although who knows...!

lunchable · 31/05/2019 10:13

I would get life/ illness insurance though as only one of you is earning

YouJustDoYou · 31/05/2019 10:29

Nearly everyone on here will say it's pure folly to give up work, in the event that bf/dh leaves you/dies/etc etc. They say that any woman who relies solely on another human for money is a "leech", etc, which is just charming. I think there are so many factors that go into it - and listening to the opinions of strangers who don't know your situation etc isn't advisable. Do what works for you and your family, and what you feel is right for you. What works for one woman won't work for another, no matter what they say, or how shit they try to make you feel about yourself for the decisions you want to make.

YouJustDoYou · 31/05/2019 10:30

I second the pp about life insurance.

MustardScreams · 31/05/2019 10:31

@YouJustDoYou I think you’re projecting a bit there! Blimey. No one has called op a “leech” or made her feel like shit, just giving her very valid opinions. In fact, you’re the only one to put a nasty negative spin on her not returning to work.

Lister169 · 31/05/2019 10:36

Sorry OP but I agree with the previous posters. If I won the lottery and it was shared money then I'd be happy to pack work in. However I wouldn't want to be at a disadvantage in terms of money and wouldn't want my husband earning it all.

A sensible solution would be for you to seek part time work and your husband to also go part time. Then you both earn money while hopefully covering the kids. I realise that sounds easier than it probably is to organise.

Lister169 · 31/05/2019 10:39

Oh and I also do not view stay at home mothers as leeches

It's fine to say "do what works for your family" but I think it is important to consider what will work for your family if your relationship breaks down.

YouJustDoYou · 31/05/2019 10:42

I was referring to the other thread currently running about being a SAHM with school age children. Unfortunately a few said it was leeching to depend on a man. "On here" means mumsnet. Sorry for not making that clear.

fedup21 · 31/05/2019 10:45

always thought I wanted to go back to work and have a successful career.

What is your career? Can it be done part time?

AndromedaPerseus · 31/05/2019 10:55

I think it depends on what work you do in some professions there are lots of returners but in others it’s rare. If you are going to take time out don’t neglect your CPD

BlitzenandMikey · 31/05/2019 18:49

Make sure you have thought things through long and hard before you give up work. Depending on what field you are in, it may be very tough returning after a long break. I was a teacher, took far too long out of the profession with kids, then got cancer, more time put, then decided to quit. Now I am late forties and struggle to get any half decent roles that pay. If my relationship breaks down my I'm stuffed. But hindsight and all that.

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