Non-confrontational / professional ways of calling out bullying?

[Barneythedinosaur]

I have recently started a new job. One of my colleagues is pretty much making my life a misery. She's extremely rude, passive aggressive and rather nasty.
She works part time, and I actually dread going in on her shift days. If I need appointments or meetings I aim to arrange them for when she is working to minimise time I need to spend with her.

I am not the only person she behaves like this with, another colleague who is very lovely confided in me that I'm not the only one. (They could see I was upset, and asked about it. They mentioned that nasty colleague was the same when they first started, and another colleague mentioned to them about nasty colleague literally a couple of weeks ago).

Nice colleague advised the way to deal with nasty colleague is to defer to her, and not question or challenge anything she says/does. Whilst I accept this would potentially make for a nicer working environment due to less conflict, it doesnt feel right to just defer constantly or risk being basically bullied until you do.

Does anyone have any tips as to how to deal with this? I've already mentioned the issues to my line manager.

Nice colleague advised the way to deal with nasty colleague is to defer to her, and not question or challenge anything she says/does.

Yes, some people believe that bowing down and paying homage to a bully is the way forward. Stay on their good side and give them the power. To my mind, it enables bad behaviour and gives them the message it's OK to be rude, passive aggressive and nasty to people.

I expect they have some perceived or assumed authority for example if they report to someone senior but in a junior capacity. Or been there a long time and always behaved that way, so are used to not being challenged.

Stay calm and professional. Don't let them see you're riled phased or frustrated. If they needlessly have a go at you, you could try stating calmly "are you OK? You seem stressed? Anything I can do to help?" Big smile. Deep breathing.

Show them you haven't even register their behaviour but turn it into their issue by implication. Or just shrug and blank the entire situation, rinse and repeat. Definitely don't act upset or appease them!

To my mind, it enables bad behaviour and gives them the message it's OK to be rude, passive aggressive and nasty to people.

I feel the same. I dont want to just step back and agree with her for an easy life even if I disagree.
I feel very uneasy at the thought of work tomorrow. Slightly nauseous.

Keep in mind that you are not in the wrong it isn't your issue and you have no control over the way they behave towards you. You want harmony but they do not. It will all pass . That person has come into your life by serendipity and may be there a while but meanwhile you are hired to do your job. If they stop you doing your actual job then take some action specific to their behaviour at a given time otherwise pay no attention. Otherwise they win.

You could try finding common ground e.g. "yes I can see your point there" but only in passing. Maybe your nice colleague is right just don't engage. It's very sad to be like that but it really isn't something to stress over if you can let it wash over.

I don't think there really is any nice way of doing it - I think you just have to reflect their ridiculousness back at them in a measured way.

Also choice phrases :

•	"Please don't talk to me that way."
•	"Let's try to get this conversation to a place where it can be productive."
•	"Let's take a break and come back to this later."

i Used to work with a horrendous woman, you couldn’t say anything without her turning your comment into a perfect excuse to belittle you or offend you. What worked for me (for a while) was just nod to the comment and continue typing. She would never seek my opinion or anyone’s in the office, she would always do as she pleased so there was no point in interacting with her.

Unfortunately, she just got nastier and nastier and I ended up putting a formal complaint. She obviously denied everything and accused me of being envious of her and wanting her job. I ended up leaving.

Next time I found a bully I complaint much earlier, defended my corner and although I felt I was judged at points a problemmaker, we had the opportunity to put measures in place to protect me from the nasty behaviours. With time, the bully is now an esteemed colleague.

This may sound silly but I saw the last experience as when you get a second dog, you need to make sure they don’t hurt each other but allow them to define their boundaries. I think that my “biting” back eventually teach him not to mess with me (I never answered back or was rude but I kept a fantastic log of all his nasty comments that came quite useful.

Let's try to get this conversation to a place where it can be productive

I really like this . I just need an opportunity to use it, it's too good not to use lol!

Me too. I could have done with that line yesterday

What did your line manager say to you about the situation OP?!

CaptainJaneway62
My line manager said they would speak to colleagues boss as it is a different person. The issues aren't isolated, and at least 3 other people have made a similar complaint about nasty colleague I have found out.
Unsure if anything has been said to colleague, but she has been very nice and very professional in this last week.