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Problems settling in at Jigsaw all of a sudden

9 replies

Tillysmummy · 15/08/2002 11:24

DD started Jigsaw one day a week a couple of weeks ago. When we did all her settling in etc they couldn't believe how settled she was, fine etc no tears. But not when she gets dropped off (my mum does it because im always in work by about 7.45am) she cries. She has been very unsettled and I think perhaps its because she's been poorly with a cold and has molars coming through.

I do however find it very upsetting that im at work knowing she's unhappy. She is getting more clingy of late, she's 11 months but was never clingy before. Now she seems to want me all the time. I have take a half day holiday today to pick her up because unfortunately this week she has had to go 2 days because of work committments.

Should I be worried or is it quite normal ? DH thinks that im too overprotective and thinks that being separated is good for both of us to stop her being too clingy but I don't think I am she is away from me 3 days a week anyway. I hate hearing she's upset though it makes me want to cry.

OP posts:

bluebear · 15/08/2002 20:34

Tillysmummy, my ds did a very similar thing at 10 months - Had been going to nursery 2 days a week for 3 months and was okay, then suddenly went tearful and staff reported that he wasn't settling - I posted on the 'Tips on settling a 10month old into nursery' thread.
I was very worried but within a week or so he was suddenly back to normal (cries when he's left most days but soon cheers up and happy when I pick him up).
I don't think you are being over-protective, just a loving Mum.


monkey · 15/08/2002 20:45

Tillysmummy - poor you! It's so hard to take your child somewhere and they cry & you feel miserable!

1st of all, what is Jigsaw? Is it a nursery or a play group?

I'm not sure I can help. How is she when she's collected? Is she fine when someone comes for her, so only upset when she's left? I'm sure this is very very common.

Re the clingyness, can she walk yet? I found mine became very clingy just before they leart to walk. But also, on top of that, they've both had other periods of clingyness that don't seem to have been triggered by anything in particular, and not heralded a great developmental leap. It's just another phase that comes & goes.

My dh also accuses me of being over-protective. that seems pretty standard too!

So the clingyness may not be related at all the her going to Jigsaw. You said she only goes one day a week, and also that your mum takes her. Would there be any chance of your mum actually looking after her that day instead of going to Jigsaw? I don't want to make you feel worse or boxed in, but I tried my ds in a playgroup, and he seemed increasingly upset by it, so I decided to take him out. Work wasn't an issue for me though, so I luckily didn't have that extra worry that you unfortunately have. I think there was a big discussion on this topic - if you do a search on not settling into playgroup, or something like that, you should find it & maybe get a few more ideas.



aloha · 15/08/2002 22:14

Tillysmummy - I feel lots of sympathy. I too can't bear the though of my ds being unhappy. Is your dd unhappy during the day or do staff say she is Ok once she's there? My ds is getting a bit more clingy lately (nearly 11mos) and I think that's natural and normal and just a really healthy sign that she loves you and your mum. Ask the staff. If she's OK during the day, then it's just the leaving that upsets her a little and I don't think you should worry about that - that's just like when they cry when you leave the room at nighttime but have stopped by the time you get down the stairs (this happens pretty often in our house! I'm absolutely certain that one day at nursery a week won't do her any harm, but I know the way you feel about your baby isn't rational. Ask the staff how she is during the day, and don't make any decisions until then.


JayTree · 15/08/2002 22:37

Tillysmummy - sorry to hear that your dd is going through that clingy phase.

My dd went through this phase at around 10 months - I have chosen not to go back to work and it hasn?t stopped her having a few months of clinginess. She would scream if I went out the room without her, even for a brief moment, any change in her routine would leave her nervous and clingy - utter nightmare. I spoke to my health visitor who reassured me that the clingy phase is very normal and affects the majority of toddlers in one way or another. The good news is that most grow out of it by 18 months (apparently). Mine has started to improve a lot - no more instant tears and is becoming more outgoing (14 months).
I don?t think that Jigsaw is causing the problem, just a symptom of a natural phase. I agree with monkey - if it were possible for your mum to look after her for a few weeks while she settles down it may help her cope better. Routine and stability are definitely the keys to combatting clingy attacks. Good Luck - remember, it is normal (for both of you!)


Tillysmummy · 20/08/2002 07:51

Thanks for your responses.

Monkey, Jigsaw is a nursery / creche.

Unfortunately my mum works part time too and it's not possible for either of us to not work Tuesday's so it seems in the short term that she's got to continue going.

Aloha, she is upset when I drop her and last Thursday I had to take a half day because she was upset most of the morning but then she seemed fairly settled when I got there. The weird thing is that I watched her play from the door for about 5 mins when I first got there and she was absolutely fine then as soon as I went in and she saw me she started crying. Why is that ? I wonder if she's making sure I know she's peeved that I left her.

Well it's her day at Jigsaw again today and I must admit I wake up feeling sick inside on Tuesday mornings.

Im going to post another question about Jigsaw on another thread. Just wondered if all the staff are police vetted I seem to remember during my induction they said they were.

OP posts:

bluebear · 20/08/2002 14:14

Tillysmummy - Hope today goes well.
When I go to pick up my ds from nursery I can see him playing happily or cuddling a carer, but until a month ago (when he was 12 months) he would always burst into tears once he noticed me. I assumed that this was due to overwhelming emotion of 'That's mummy-I love her' coupled with a desire to have a mummy cuddle as soon as possible!
He's a little more laid back now and gives me a cheery wave when he sees me, then toddles over for a cuddle - and refuses to be put down until we are out of the nursery and in the playground!


Bozza · 20/08/2002 14:22

Agree with Bluebear, its the urgency of the cuddle required. Also your reappearance has probably reminded her that you went in the first place.

My DS (18 months) absolutely adores nursery. He was so excited to be back there after a week off this morning that he was climbing over the threshold and running down the corridor. I don't get a backward glance and rarely a kiss but he will still cry when collected if he's not cuddled quickly enough or if I put him down to pack his bag etc. I've found the solution is to crouch down with him between my arms and pack the bag, put his coat on etc like this.

DS went through a crying stage when he moved up a room but that was maybe a week's crying in over a year of nursery attendances.


musica · 20/08/2002 16:21

My ds cries when I leave and cries when I pick him up, but is absolutely fine and loves it between times - I think he is just trying it on - it takes him about 15 seconds to stop crying once I've gone out the door!


Bozza · 20/08/2002 17:31

To add to my previous post I think DS cried because he missed the baby room not his mummy. He would also cry if he so one of the staff from the baby room through the day. Maybe he likes nursery too much...

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