Hi. Sorry for the long post but I need some help.
I started a new job a couple of months back, and to this day am still the newest employee. Due to my employment background, once I was employed at this job I was told I was in training for management. The structure of the place is as follows: employer- senior manager- me- other staff.
Things were great for a while, but the past couple of weeks have been a nightmare. My senior manager had a go about my overtime- I ended up not being paid for the hours that I'd worked in the end. So, I've stopped doing overtime. I was pulled up on this about two weeks ago, and told that I have no right to stop working when things need to be done- but if I'm not being paid to be there, then surely I don't have to. Nobody who works at the company has a contact of employment, so terms of pay etc. have never been discussed.
Anyway. Two weeks ago, my employer asked me to do a specific task. I did it, as and when I was asked to do it. When I finished and returned to my normal duties, I was pulled to one side and questioned about other minor duties that weren't done when I was undertaking the task I'd been asked to do. I was told, in their words, "you need to start doing things how I want them done, or I'll come down on you and that won't be good for you, believe me". I got home that night and told my husband, who was furious. I felt it was uncalled for but let it slide because I love my job.
However. A week or two ago, my senior manager gave me some information on a product we sell. I relayed this information to our clients when they queried the product, and my employer overheard. Turns out, this information was wrong. My senior manager was taken aside and told off for me being wrong- and didn't once say that the information came directly from them. The next thing I know, I've been taken to a private office away from other staff and my senior manager screamed in my face until they went purple. And I mean pure purple face. They proceeded to call me everything you can imagine, profanities I haven't heard any employer say in over a decade in business and despite my efforts to apologise and explain what they had told me, they continued to act in the same way.
When I left the office, my employer was smirking and proceeded to say "you don't seem yourself, you good?"- knowing full well what had just happened.
The whole situation forced me into an anxiety attack and I collapsed in the bathroom once I'd got home that night. I badly hurt myself and when it happened, too. My husband begged me not to return to work, but we're saving to buy a house and on top of our current bills, we can't afford to lose the income.
Now. I returned to work on my next scheduled shift. My senior manager took me to one side and said that they "shouldn't have reacted in the way that they did, but it was my fault that they did anyway". So no apology- not that it would have made a difference.
I've since been told that I'm no longer training for promotion, I'm not trusted and that I'm simply not good enough. I feel like this is bullying at it's worst. We're not a corporate company so there is no person higher than my senior manager or employer- both of whom the bullying is coming from.
Like I said, this was a week or two ago. Since then, I can't shake off this depressed feeling. I feel utterly empty and useless. Clients have noticed that I'm no longer my usual self which is then creating more issues with management. I can't talk to anyone and worst of all, I can't see myself moving forward from this. I was cooking dinner alone today when I just looked at my knives and thought how easy it would be to just end the pain I feel. It sounds stupid, but I keep seeing everything as an opportunity to end things.
My husband has his own work stresses and issues so I can't bring myself to burden him with the fact that I feel so suicidal. But then I know how much it'll hurt him to know I couldn't tell him about all of this. I feel so weak that these people have made me feel such a way, and it genuinely is hurting me.
What can I do? I just need someone to talk to.