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Bullying at work.

12 replies

Krishna39 · 06/05/2019 15:41

Hi. Sorry for the long post but I need some help.

I started a new job a couple of months back, and to this day am still the newest employee. Due to my employment background, once I was employed at this job I was told I was in training for management. The structure of the place is as follows: employer- senior manager- me- other staff.

Things were great for a while, but the past couple of weeks have been a nightmare. My senior manager had a go about my overtime- I ended up not being paid for the hours that I'd worked in the end. So, I've stopped doing overtime. I was pulled up on this about two weeks ago, and told that I have no right to stop working when things need to be done- but if I'm not being paid to be there, then surely I don't have to. Nobody who works at the company has a contact of employment, so terms of pay etc. have never been discussed.

Anyway. Two weeks ago, my employer asked me to do a specific task. I did it, as and when I was asked to do it. When I finished and returned to my normal duties, I was pulled to one side and questioned about other minor duties that weren't done when I was undertaking the task I'd been asked to do. I was told, in their words, "you need to start doing things how I want them done, or I'll come down on you and that won't be good for you, believe me". I got home that night and told my husband, who was furious. I felt it was uncalled for but let it slide because I love my job.

However. A week or two ago, my senior manager gave me some information on a product we sell. I relayed this information to our clients when they queried the product, and my employer overheard. Turns out, this information was wrong. My senior manager was taken aside and told off for me being wrong- and didn't once say that the information came directly from them. The next thing I know, I've been taken to a private office away from other staff and my senior manager screamed in my face until they went purple. And I mean pure purple face. They proceeded to call me everything you can imagine, profanities I haven't heard any employer say in over a decade in business and despite my efforts to apologise and explain what they had told me, they continued to act in the same way.

When I left the office, my employer was smirking and proceeded to say "you don't seem yourself, you good?"- knowing full well what had just happened.

The whole situation forced me into an anxiety attack and I collapsed in the bathroom once I'd got home that night. I badly hurt myself and when it happened, too. My husband begged me not to return to work, but we're saving to buy a house and on top of our current bills, we can't afford to lose the income.

Now. I returned to work on my next scheduled shift. My senior manager took me to one side and said that they "shouldn't have reacted in the way that they did, but it was my fault that they did anyway". So no apology- not that it would have made a difference.
I've since been told that I'm no longer training for promotion, I'm not trusted and that I'm simply not good enough. I feel like this is bullying at it's worst. We're not a corporate company so there is no person higher than my senior manager or employer- both of whom the bullying is coming from.

Like I said, this was a week or two ago. Since then, I can't shake off this depressed feeling. I feel utterly empty and useless. Clients have noticed that I'm no longer my usual self which is then creating more issues with management. I can't talk to anyone and worst of all, I can't see myself moving forward from this. I was cooking dinner alone today when I just looked at my knives and thought how easy it would be to just end the pain I feel. It sounds stupid, but I keep seeing everything as an opportunity to end things.

My husband has his own work stresses and issues so I can't bring myself to burden him with the fact that I feel so suicidal. But then I know how much it'll hurt him to know I couldn't tell him about all of this. I feel so weak that these people have made me feel such a way, and it genuinely is hurting me.

What can I do? I just need someone to talk to.

OP posts:
DulciUke · 06/05/2019 15:59

OP, first of all, you need counseling ASAP if you are having suicidal thoughts. I'm in the US, but I'm sure that other UK posters will pitch in with suggestions for where to go for help.

Also, I know that you need the income from this job as you are saving for a house, but your mental health is far more important. The world will not end if you get a house later than you planned. In addition to counseling, I think that you really need to start actively looking for other employment. Your supervisors/employer sound somewhat deranged. They aren't going to change their behavior (people like this never do) and being around them is going to destroy your mental health. Start looking, and in the meantime, keep the thought in your head that this is a temporary situation and that you will not be stuck in it forever. If you don't find something right away, then quit (I know, I know, easier said than done financially). However, it is better than having your health destroyed due to stress.

PerpendicularVincent · 06/05/2019 18:09

If the job is making you feel suicidal then resign immediately - no job is worth your life and health, and it sounds like the bullying behaviour will continue. You cannot stay there, and you will find another job.

Hedgehogparty · 06/05/2019 18:14

Agree with everything posted above, please get out, resign immediately, no job is worth this, it sounds awful.
You will find something better, but for now, you need to look after yourself.

NoBaggyPants · 06/05/2019 18:18

You have few rights due to having worked there less than two years. I'd strongly echo what others have said, for the sake of your health you need to leave this job.

If you need someone to speak to you can call The Samaritans on 116 123. Your feelings are not stupid, you're under a great deal of stress. If you do feel the urge to act on your feelings please go to your GP, or A&E or call 999.

FFSeverynameisused · 06/05/2019 18:39

don't resign. get yourself signed off sick and use this time to look for another job. Also submit a grievance. You could claim constructive dismissal, especially if your grievance is not upheld.

OhTheRoses · 06/05/2019 18:48

You can wrote a couple of months out of a CV. No job or person should make you feel like that.

Of it were me I'd tell them to stick their job where the sun doesn't shine with bells on. Walk right out and treat myself to coffee and cake then sign on with an agency to keep the wolf from the door.

Meanwhile get some therapy to get you in a better place for the start of tje rest of your better life.

NoBaggyPants · 06/05/2019 19:49

@FFSeverynameisused The OP has no evidence of the bullying she has encountered, she's not going to win a claim without something to back up her version of events. Also she has a very short period of service. Around 5% of CD claims result in an award, and it's unlikely the OP's case would be one of them. Your advice is bad, and will create far more stress for someone who is already at her limit.

LifeBeginsNow · 06/05/2019 20:11

I can hear from your post that it's not you, it's them. They sound truly awful and I question whether a promotion was ever really on the cards. They sound like they are going to dangle that carrot to make you jump through hoops for as long as they need you.

Send your CV to recruitment agencies and tell them you will look to temp to get you out asap but the fit just isn't right and the company has gone back on their promise of promotion.

I would spend your time looking for a way out and there is no shame in that. I've had a shitty experience with a job too and it dented my confidence and self worth. I'm on to brighter things now so it can be a blessing to get out.

You are obviously dedicated to your work and that's why its having such an impact. You will be an asset to the next company - most aren't as rubbish as this one. Good luck and focus on your health. The house move can wait a little to make sure you're in a better position.

BabyDueDecember2019 · 06/05/2019 21:34

Please get real life support, if not your husband then a friend.

Get an emergency gp appointment & tell them how you feel

Quit the job, it's toxic Thanks

bankholiday2 · 06/05/2019 21:59

I don't think you should continue.
Saving for and buying a house isn't worth your mental health.
How much are they paying you? You could join a recruitment agency for temp work and hopefully be on a similar salary very quickly, while looking for something you actually want to do. Don't let anyone bully you and verbally abuse you. Not for anything!

And don't be embarrassed to quit after a couple of months. I've quit after just one day before! when I knew the company was badly managed. No point wasting time.

flumpybear · 07/05/2019 05:34

Yes, get signed off of work. Then get your cv out and start applying for jobs, even temp work, perhaps long term temp posts so you've got time and space to find something new

A job isn't worth it if it's making you so low - don't go back

SoVogue · 12/05/2019 22:50

Hello OP.

I've just come across this thread. Your employers sound horrendous - this is absolutely on them, and not a reflection on you or your abilities.

How are you getting on?

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