I’m so embarrassed

[JustAnotherMumHere]

Excuse my ramble, currently crying my eyes out as I’m on my way home from work.

I have been at my current job for just over 2 years and really performed exceptionally well in one key area. And been told this on numerous occasions.

Managers are very aware I want to do this task full time but I have other tasks I have to do stopping me from dedicating myself to it.

Company is very very small. One person left (no idea if they resigned or were made redundant). I was made to do their work despite making it clear i was not qualified or capable of doing it. They made it clear they would not hire anyone else to replace that person.

A senior person in the field I am good as in going on Mat leave. I asked to take over some tasks. I was told i was given conflicting messages as I complain of having too many other tasks to do and I’m unwilling to work late (I have young kids).

I have just been informed in the weekly meeting - not even 121 - that the company will be hiring two new people to do work in the field I want to be working more in and I am very capable of doing myself. Also that they are moving office increasing my commute by an hour each day.

Like what the actual fuck?
I was planning on resigning as soon as I had another job anyway but now it just looks so embarrassing. Everyone knows i wanted that work.

Hubby says i should make it awkward for them on Thursday (it’s May) but resign. My dad says i need a cup of tea and to calm down. I haven’t voiced anything to work yet.

This is my first real job, I’ve never written a resignation before.

Don’t mention it in your resignation

Don’t mention what?

Hold off resigning for a moment. Perhaps the extra hour is unworkable given your personal circumstances, in which case they are obliged to make you redundant.

agree with your dad

are you very young?

this isn't personal. It sounds like the company has new plans and that's why you were all told as a group.

hold off on anything in case you can get a redundancy payout.

I'm also with your dad, you may be taking this more personally than you should

I would think just write a bland resignation letter when you do leave with projected last date - the bare nuts and bolts and thank them for the experience/opportunity. Don't get worked up about it. You were planning on leaving anyway.

Not sure your husband's advice is good advice either. You'll want their co-operation presumably with regards to a reference. Now they could write a bland Justa worked here from ACC to XYZ date or they might be inclined to highlight some of your good points. They won't do that if you've been awkward in their eyes.

They appear not to have been interested in you playing to your strengths, or, they just needed you to do only the specific aspects of the work they directed you to do.

You have taken it personally. You sound quite young and possibly this being your first job you haven't had time to accrue the experience or realities of working for businesses that have a strategy in place, and which means an employees personal aspirations are not necessarily able to be taken into account or accommodated.

Either way it should be neither here nor there to you - if you don't want to waste your mental energy - as you are looking for a new job.

I wish you well finding a new position and hope you are able to play to your strengths in your next role.

Thank you everyone for making me feel a bit calmer. I’ll take your comments on board.

Yes I guess I am fairly young (just turned 26) but my husband is the same age and a lot maturer business wise. (In anyway I guess )

Meant to add that it will not look embarrassing in any way shape or form unless you decide to make it so. Try not to take this personally.

The owners are likely making business decisions. They can't not move an hour away because it does not suit the minority. They can move a business even if it doesn't suit the majority of the staff. That is their decision.

Is it possible that you have gone on about your aspirations without selling the benefits to them of transferring your role to the one you'd like. It may be you have made an emotional case based solely on your wants and needs and that can be off-putting if your argument is being put to people who are thinking with a business head rather than their hearts.

'What's in it for them?' should be one of your first thoughts when you have a personal ambition to fulfil. Otherwise you risk looking self-centred and not looking out for the needs of the business.

And don't take this personally either! I am giving you the benefit of my own hard-learned experience and hindsight!!

(He is maturer but does business “cut throat” style as he is really successful in sales and business management - he’s also listened to me whine about my boss for months and isn’t fond of him)

So I guess I have two options:

• resign / apply for the new roles (won’t get them I bet even though I am fully qualified for them)
• try get redundancy for the office move

If the commute is an hour more you need to check the policies and see if this falls within a reasonable expectation of mobility. If not you may be entitled to redundancy. I would not be so focussed on the work going to others, it is probably not personal, but it may affect your job description and longer term prospects. Sit it out until you gave another job to go to.

And FINALLY, in your shoes, can you not see that them giving you responsibility in an area of work you know nothing about might actually be a sign of their confidence in your ability to learn something quickly and to be able to do that?

They might have confidence in you. They might feel you need a couple more years' experience (and possibly a chance to mature a bit) but would have considered you in the future. Rather than it just being a case of it being dumped on you un-asked.

And even if that were to be the case you can still use that as a 'selling point' in respect of the faith your previous employer had in you at future interviews!

Try to reframe it all in your mind and you may feel a lot better about it!

I suspect it is all a shock to you and you feel rather indignant about it all but I promise you that stepping back and taking time to think about the opportunities that lie ahead will make things less shocking; that and time. You got a good solid two years under your belt in your first role - that is not something to be sniffed at!

So I guess I have two options:

- resign / apply for the new roles (won’t get them I bet even though I am fully qualified for them)
- try get redundancy for the office move

1. Apply for the new jobs. If you don't get them, it will still be useful experience, and you can ask for feedback on where you have skills or experience gaps.

2. Wait to see what happens with the office move, and as suggested above, check policies on relocation and distances. If you are made redundant, and you have feedback on skills gaps, I'd try to spend some of my notice getting in some train if possible, to fill the gaps.

3. Look for other jobs, then resign.

None of this is embarrassing, though. Just sounds like normal business, and the sort of situation which could be a great opportunity if you play your cards right.

If you are in UK, you can look on www.gov.ul for the statutory amount of redundancy / minimum that you would receive, plus holiday pay. However, they may offer you more money. If they are going to offer you redundancy, they have to put dates & terms in writing & they need to provide reference details
Are you sure you cannot commute to the new office & arrange child care ?
Do not resign without a new job to go to
Or
Redundancy & a new job

www.gov.uk and search for redundancy

I can see why you're embarrassed. i had similar, boss went on maternity leave and after saying to me and colleague for ages that we could apply for her job, when push came to shove she made it perfectly clear (without saying it outright ) that it wouldn't be us getting it. We both ended up leaving a short time later. Sometimes the trust is broken beyond repair.

Be careful of assuming you'll get redundancy for the office move. Depending on your current commute, it may or may not fall within 'reasonable travelling distance'.