Advice needed

[Berrie]

My 9 month old son has been with his childminder for just over a week since I went back to work and he doesn't go down to sleep with her. He snatches the odd 10 minutes here and there in the car or pushchair but comes home really tired. We always had a rule that if we put him down and he cried for more then 10 minutes we'd pick him up again which we asked her to do but we're wondering whether she should tell her to let him cry for longer. He is now roaring when we try to puit him down at home even when he is really tired and he was so easy before. How long should we leave the childminder to find her feet and for ds to settle. What should we tell her to try?

ds is doing a very similar thing - he's 8 months and just started nursery.

He does sleep at nursery, but later then he would at home and at different times. This has had a knock-on effect on his afternoon nap and nighttime sleep. Also it's not just the sleeping pattern - being in a strange house with someone else seemed to overstimulate both ds and dd and their sleep deteriorated for a while.

Anyway I suggest you try and get him to sleep there better. Does he go down for his nap at the childeminder's at exactly the same time as he does at home (if not, he should, if so then maybe the extra excitement is making him overtired, so try putting him down 15-30 mins earlier). Also yes, I'd get her to leave him longer - maybe going in and reassuring him every 5 mins though. (you might want a second opinion on that - I am a cruel hag). If all else fails, I put ds down in a pushchair and rock him to sleep.

Finally it'll take him a few weeks to settle even if you do get the sleep sorted. I hope he does settle down anyway.

I'm not really sure when he goes down, if at all! dh does the drop off and pick up so I'm missing out on all the communication! He was really predictable before which is why it's so heartbreaking now. I get the impression that she takes him out when he's tired but then tries to sneak him down wjen she gets back which doesn't work. Anyway, thanks.

At 9mths his sleeping patterns could change overnight quite normally in the course of his development anyway.
My ds is always extra tired when he has had day at his childminders but I just put him straight to bed earlier than normal and adjust accordingly.
It may be impossible for your childminder to fit in exactly with your son's home routines espcially if she has other children to care for. It is vital that you trust her, unless you have any reasons not to, and accept that a period of adjustment and also continuing change in 'routines'is inevitable.
It may well be that your ds becomes very settled and happy indeed with his childminder but that the different stimulations and surroundings mean he will be more tired and grouchy when you bring him home.
Does he seem contented in every other respect?

I had virtually no routine for ds1 when he went to nursery at 4mths. He soon had one after starting nursery though. However, ds2 adopted good routine at home which he never really keeps for nursery days (since 6mths). I take the view that they are the professionals and know what they are doing. He's often tired at the end of the day and sleeps in the car, but never knocks him off his normal night time bed time. Is it a problem that your son comes home tired? Know it's great to have quality time etc, but if he's being highly stimulated and entertained during the day? Only other thing is whether you could give childminder tips about spotting when he's tired. Know this sound stupid, but I could never tell with ds2 until dh pointed out he gets puffy eyes -just like me - when he's tired. So the more he takes after his mum, the more he needs his bed...

I'm not worried about when he goes down, just that he does get a sleep at some point. I'm wondering whether our guidelines about the 10 minutes crying time are making it hard for her to trust her instincts. She must be having a horriblwe time with him if she doesn't get a break from him and he's irritable because he's tired. I want to give her long enough to settle with him but don't want ds to spend long grumpy days without sleep! Just wanted to know how others found it so thanks!

Berrie - I just mean that if you asked the cm to put him down at the same time as he does at home, he might sleep better. Plus I agree that the 10 minute limit might not be helping. Ds always screams for longer when sleeping in a strange place.

This is not an option at ds's nursery, as they don't have a quiet sleeping room (just a couple of cots in the main playroom). They just wear him out and he sleeps in his car seat - maybe if your cm were to leave him in the pushcair to sleep after going out?

I think that's what she tries. I'll see how he sleeps this weekend and then have a word with her next week. I don't want her to feel like I'm getting at her. It must be even harder in nurseries by the sound of it but those children seem to cope so maybe I'm worrying too much!