Bit of background - single mum, literally no excitement in my life, currently working a job I hate but struggling to find something else as I don’t drive so can only find jobs local to me which is impossible.
I have been working there for 5 years, initially loved it and have good friendships with most colleagues but the general job itself is mentally draining. Had some issues about 2 years ago 2 of my staff weren’t doing their job and I didn’t follow it up with correct procedure so found myself in some trouble.
Since then paranoia about being sacked makes me obsess slightly over everything being perfect and done by the book whereas a lot of my colleagues are relaxed and have no consequences even if they make a worse mistake than me. (Kind of bitter about that)
I have had to work with and train new staff constantly (everyone works in pairs) who tend to leave after around 6 months when they realise how depressing it is. It’s a boring underpaid job that most use as a stop gap before or just after uni so turnover is constant. (2 this year already)
However my problem seems to be that I’m overly protective of said job. If a new colleague makes any changes even moves my paperwork around I feel defensive and annoyed. It’s been run the same way since I began and I resent anyone new making changes or trying to take over. I even came back on a Monday to find the cleaner had moved some plants around and I felt annoyed it didn’t look how it should. I don’t feel threatened by the staff, I just don’t appreciate them meddling. Usually if they make changes it’ll be something I have to spend my own time correcting and often feels deliberate on their part as they know I’ll do it. Because of this the work is always 80/20 never 50/50 because I prefer getting on with it myself as I know it’s done properly. Of course I then get taken advantage of as they have light work and I feel annoyed I’m stuck with more and harder worker than them.
The young girl I am with currently for the past week has assured me she will work her way up and take my job! Also being difficult with her training and needs constant reminding. It’s becoming awkward as I can’t get on with her at all and made me realise how stressful it is repeating this with new staff regularly. My boss won’t get involved so it’s down to me.
It’s given me a bit of a wake up call that it’s not normal behaviour. I don’t get paid enough to care, I should switch off when my hours are over but I over invest my time into a job I hate and can’t explain why. Could this be from the lack of anything going on in my life? Hidden fear of messing up again? As a single parent this our only income. I don’t want to make new staff uncomfortable or become ‘that colleague’ I generally get on fine with everyone, how do I move on from this? I don’t make it awkward as I keep it to myself and ‘return everything to it’s right place’ at the end of the day (key holder). I hate dreading work the next day when I should be enjoying my time with my children. Finding a new job is the aim but it’s very difficult to find good work in my area so I need a way of coping til then as I feel like I’m on the verge of snapping. Am I going crazy?