Finding it hard to balance WFH and toddler

[MrBobLoblaw]

DS is 17 months and is, to be fair, a lot easier to look after now compared to when he was a baby. He has a better routine and sleeps more consistently. But of course we spend lots of the day out of the house at playgroups etc, otherwise we'd both go crazy. I'm pregnant again now and due in Nov.

I'm self employed and work as a voiceover artist (therefore I need silence to work for recording and editing). Before DS I had a great turnover and naturally had a lot of time to pour in to my career. It has of course changed now and I basically scrape together the time to record and edit and send out a bunch of invoices every few weeks. I have no time to do any career furthering, website tinkering etc and my finance spreadsheet can fall off the radar too.

Obviously I didn't expect everything to carry on as usual after I became a mum but I'm just so knackered by the time he goes to bed and then have to spend all evening in my studio doing any jobs that have come in that day. I really don't want to seem too negative. I really feel very lucky that I have such a flexible job and have been able to continue earning after having DS and VO work can be lucrative for hours in/money earned, but I guess it's just relentless. And the housework is basically non existent because any of my spare time is spent either preparing food for DS, doing the bare minimum of cleaning and washing, or working. DP is amazing and does everything he can, but he works full time, often 6 days a week so obviously can only do what he can. And then on his days off we want to spend time together if we can otherwise we'd literally never see each other!

I know probably my best option is to look in to some kind of childcare but nursery in London is extortionate and my work is so unpredictable that if I got a babysitter for X day then there's no certainty that I'll even get any work in on that day.

I suppose I just wondered if anyone else has been here? And does it just get easier as DCs get older? Obviously when DC2 comes along I'll be back to square one again. Any words to the wise/experiences greatly received and if you've read these ramblings of an overworked woman then I am very grateful!

I was in a similar position. I found what worked for me was to get up early 5.00am and work then. I got so much more work done at that time of day when there were no distractions. Like double or triple of what I would get done in the evening. It would mean you would need to go to bed earlier so you get enough sleep. I continued this when dc2 came. What time does your DH leave at? What time does DC wake usually?

Not been in your situation but I have been a working mum of toddlers and the idea of trying to work and look after a toddler at the same time is - well I just can't imagine how it would be possible to get anything done at all.

My suggestion is that you have a massive rethink. Only take on one or two jobs a week? Maybe have a couple of half days of nursery or childcare, or do you know someone who would do a childcare time-swop with you (you take their child for a bit, they take yours) so you have some dedicated time for work. If your recording work is fast turnaround then use that time for the vital admin of invoicing, website, finances, and maybe a bit of housework.

Kids are very very expensive not because of the money you spend on them but because they need full time adult supervision, as you are now finding out.

You said it yourself. Childcare. Even if you just had (for example) two mornings a week, you could use that time to do any jobs you have, and if you have no jobs you could catch up on admin (invoices, finance spreadsheet, website) or if you really have no work then you could do some housework or take a nap, saving time and energy for later when you might have work.

Thanks everyone for the responses, I really appreciate it.

@LegoPiecesEverywhere sadly DS is waking at 5:30am most mornings so I'm already in bed at 9:30pm to get a good kip in. It's a massive improvement on his 4 wakings that he did until 16months so again I feel I cannot complain about the early rises! I do try and get a few emails done whilst he's having breakfast in his highchair and the occasional job done during this tome of it's a short script. DH is off at either 6:30 or 7:30 am depending on his shift. Did you claim childcare tax back in your self-assessment?

@PurpleWithRed turning down jobs would be career suicide in my industry as the client just wont use you again if you become unreliable. But you're right that turnaround time is vital. The client usually wants the recording 10 mins before they asked for it, but I work mostly on a 12 hr turnaround unless it's a long script. Again, if you start taking longer than 24hrs, the client will probably just move on to another talent.

@AnotherEmma I think you're right. I hadn't thought about the fact that if I don't have an actual VO job in I can still use this time productively (even though I'll want to face-plant the sofa) and get all the other fucking stuff done. I think part of me has been too proud to get childcare in and tried to do it all, I know how stupid that makes me sound.

Yes it does a bit You must get no down time whatsoever, it's unsustainable.

Try a groclock for the early wakings, worked like a dream for us.

VO work is pretty lucrative isn’t it? You’re wasting your time cleaning when you could be generating earnings at 4x the cost of a cleaner. Given the unpredictable nature of it, a nanny/ housekeeper might work best for you a few full days a week to do what’s needed at the time and to give you the ability to go out and hustle more work.

Why don't you get a cleaner? One job that you don't have to do yourself.

Look for a childminder, ot even consider a reliable sitter - you can get university students that are referenced checked on the bubble app, for example, if you just need the morning and you can keep DS in the home whilst you work.

It's hard. I have just had to cancel my client workload today as DD threw up is the night.

www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

childcare as pp say.
and then utilise that time to get things done.
with soon 2 dc, maybe an au pair would be suitable?

Please do consider a part-time nanny. For me, it was the only solution. Later, I switched to a part-time house-keeper. It gave me 4-6 hours per day with minimal distraction, and because I was on-site, no worries at all about quality of care or emergency management of kid crises.

I didn't care about 'official' qualifications. There are a lot of very capable (and very nice!) women out there looking for part-time work, often between 10am-3pm, which suited me just fine. Au-pair is usually live-in which I didn't want.

Thanks again everyone for the input. We live in a tiny one bed flat so having an au pair wouldn't really be viable but I have got a nice babysitter I met that I could try and use on a regular basis, like once a week or something. Then at least I can start ticking off some of my 'to do' list.

And you're right @PurplePiePete it can be very lucrative and I want to put the proper leg work in but I'm not sure, with DC2 due in Nov, whether it might be best to stick with my current clients rather than try to get more and then potentially be in over my head come Nov.

Thanks for the link @AnotherEmma, I'm an idiot for not looking in to it all before! Do you find it easy to use?

I don't use tax free childcare myself (DH and I use childcare vouchers instead as it works out better for our specific circumstances) but friends do and i believe it's very easy.

I'm pretty sure you have to use a registered childcare provider so it would work for a childminder or nursery but not for a babysitter or au pair.

I was in a similar position as a freelancer. The solution for me was nursery 2 days a week. If a client wanted me, I knew what days I could book them in, and if I didn't have any work I'd clean or just have some chill time. That definitely gets overlooked for new mums but it's important!

Also consider that with a childminder or nursery, you will get complete peace at home to focus on work (or whatever else you want to do) whereas with a babysitter, au pair or nanny who comes to your home, your child will still be there and will probably still want your attention. Especially in a small one-bedroom flat as you can't disappear to a different part of the house!

Find a nursery setting you like and get him in for 15 hours a week. That gives you some time to work/do life stuff/sleep and you will only have to suck that cost up for 18 months or so, if you pick/time it carefully you should be able to use your free hours for most of that when he turns 3.

He'll also be settled in and give you some breathing room when DC2 comes along.

Do not even contemplate working with a newborn and a todder and no childcare. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT WOMAN.

I also freelanced when mine were small and found a nursery next to a hospital (actually on site) that was very flexible on hours as it catered to nursing shifts etc

"Do not even contemplate working with a newborn and a todder and no childcare. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT WOMAN. "

Well said

Thank you thank you everyone  (un-MNy hugs to you all)

I think I've just needed someone to say to me 'it's okay to need childcare' because for so long I've been trying to do it all and finding it pretty hard. Thing is, I've also gone through quiet work times too and it's been fine just juggling DS and housework but now I'm getting busier again I'm just spread too thin.

And when you put it like that @BabiesComeWithHats I can see how mad it sounds!

Client asking "what's that noise?" over the telephone. I said something about a window cleaner, when it was actually a baby breastfeeding very noisily, stuffed up my jumper while I was typing notes. There was another one under the desk sleeping in a baby bouncer.

I don't know how we manage it!