Director doesn’t like me because I am not open with my personal life

[Bellasorellaa]

Well this is my opinion and how I feel due to several things. Some I will state here.

I work for my main job, set hours contract. Everything was discussed in interview I only wanted part time which I do 28 hours.

When doing my 6 months probation a week ago, the director asked me to increase my hours. I said no, I don’t want more hours. I felt under pressure and said to ask me again around November.

He then asked me why I didn’t want this and what I do which means I cannot and I replied to him ‘I just have thing to do after’

I replied like this because I really don’t see how it is his business what I do.

There are two directors btw, both were there during this meeting, the less nosey one who I get along with And actually interviewed me is fine.

So back to this nosey, My friend, I work with told me how he asked her if I still do my self employment work which she said she doesn’t know.

she knows I do but she also said she doesn’t know why he wanted to know

I am not an open book, I don’t discuss my issues with people. My friend knows a lot about me because I trust her, same with another woman there, but I choose who I open up to

After this he was acting all off with me and has been being rude like not wanting to say bye and stuff to me me. I can’t explain it but his vibe is off.

I am going through depression right now and I was actually signed off work which I didn’t even take because I don’t want to take time off. I don’t know if my depression is making me sensitive to things but I just get a vibe he doesn’t like me.

Someone is leaving soon and I said I cannot attend the drinks but the dinner the day before I can. He then asked me why I cannot attend the drinks on a Friday evening out of work hours but can the dinner in work hours.

Why would I need to disclose my personal business or second job to him? It’s a couple hours extra I work my second job so nothing will change with my pay.

Yeh, you're entitled to privacy! Taking umbrage that you won't disclose or divulge what you're doing in your freetime is v unreasonable!

The colleague's leaving drinks though, could you go for one? Just in case he says you're not a team player.

What does your contract say about working two jobs?

Some jobs do require in contract / staff handbook that you tell them about any second job and I don't think it's unreasonable to some extent, given potential issues around working time directive, maternity pay, general wellbeing/ ability to do both jobs if you are working ridiculous hours, possible competition issues (eg if you know something confidential and are also working for a competitor). But presumably if that was the case then the director would have said so.

But also agree with you in principle that you should be able to choose what details of your outside work life you choose to share, and certainly shouldn't have to explain your reasons for not being able to do something that takes place outside working hours.

I don't think it's that you're not been open which is the issue in his eyes, but the fact you can't increase your hours. He wouldn't care less what you did in your spare time if you were agreeing to increase. Aren't you worried they might get rid of you and get someone who will do the hours they want?

And I've worked for companies before where it's in my contract I have to get permission before accepting any second job. Not sure if that's legal but it was definetely in my contract.

It's not because you are not open about your personal life though OP.

He obviously wants more hours - if he didn't like you, he would get someone else to work them, but he wants you to do them. He is not trying to push you out of the job, quite the opposite from the sound of it!

Was the job always part-time or was it advertised as full-time and you negotiated?

I have worked in teams where it is expected that you would go out after work with them - it may very well raise an eyebrow or two if you are willing to go out in work time, but not in the evening with them.

If you feel that he is going to ask again about working extra hours, it gives you some time to come up with a polite, closed brush-off to shut that conversation down (if the job was advertised as 28 hours then that's a good reason 'this job was an ideal fit with the hours and I'm quite happy with them, thanks')

Hope it sorts itself out for you, OP.

If your reasons for not wanting to increase your hours were genuinely personal ie you had children/dependants/animals to care for I could understand you wanting to potentially keep it personal.

However he most likely does have a right to ask and be told about a 2nd job. It is stipulated in many contracts. As other pps have said their are legitimate reasons for an employer to know about 2nd or even 3rd jobs.

Personally I can't see why you don't just tell him you can't increase your hours as you have a second job. Same goes for not going for drinks after work 'sorry bob, would love to but I've got to get to my other job'.

Now if you can't I crease your hours or go for drinks as you are having an affair* and use the part time hours to be able to carry out said affair then of course that's non of his business.

*insert any other personal reason why someone wants to/needs to work part time but may not want to disclose to an employer.

It's difficult because as much as MN likes to say "no is a complete answer", in real life it can come across as quite rude.

In my one job, I don't share any personal information with my boss and he's never asked. He sends me work and I send it back by the deadline, so he's happy. I've never actually even met him.

If you're working with people face-to-face, day-to-day it becomes natural to share some personal information and a bit weird to refuse to.

My contact says I have to have written permission to do any other work- is this in yours?