Does your job make you cry?

[Daberhashery]

I’m wondering if how I feel is normal or whether it’s spiralling downwards.
I’ve been in my current job for 5 years. Some weeks I cry on the way home after work every day. Since Christmas I’ve been crying on the way in to work as well. I have had periods of time where I’ve been in tears most days during working hours (mostly crying at lunchtime).
I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal. I find my job very difficult, my workload exceeds the hours I’m paid to work and I can’t do overtime as I have my children to look after in the evenings and at weekends.
The result is that I feel like I’m failing all the time. I come home defeated by the daily task list and cry because I feel like I can’t win. Ever.
I’ve thought about leaving my job, but I kind of feel institutionalised and I can’t now imagine that anyone could have a job that doesn’t make them cry every day. So, what level of feeling unsuccessful at work is normal?

He can’t see the problem and always says ‘well I’m sure you’ll work something out to get it all done’

You're getting no support

It's NOT you

Start looking for another job now

You'll find an employer who will help you and support you

I very nearly cried on Monday because I have alot on at the moment and my hod asked me how I was. I managed to hold the tears in. I think it had alot to do with my time of the month. I have noticed a pattern.

Oh OP . I used to have a job where I cried every day on the way in, most days on the way home and sometimes in between and after those times too!!!

I don't work for that organisation any more and I could not be happier. I have occasionally cried in my new job but that's out of frustration because I have completely changed career and I'm not used to being unsure about what I'm doing.

I look back and can't believe I put up with being so unhappy for so long. I also can't believe not one of my managers noticed or tried to help. That says a lot - as it does about yours, who sounds like they couldn't give a shit.

What sort of work do you do and have you spoken to anyone in RL - partner/friend for support?

Thanks. We definitely don’t have an occupational health team. I’ve been digging about today on our intranet about HR stuff and it’s all devolved to line manager level, with payroll/sick pay etc outsourced to a third party. So basically it’s my line manager or nothing. ☹️
I’ve seen my GP today to ask about taking time off. He’s given me some amytripline to help me sleep but looking it up now is an anti depressant. Not sure I want to take that. Are you allowed to take time off work for stress? I don’t think I can face next week already and it’s only Friday night

My job as a nurse makes me cry regularly. I only work part time too. It makes me very stressed. I am considering handing in my notice next week. I'm sorry that you feel like this, it's awful and if possible I suppose you need to leave as your health is important.
You can get signed off for stress, I know people who have been off for months with it. The trouble is if you are looking for another job then being signed off sick with stress may put potential employers off? I hope things get better for you soon

Yes it has, in the past. Thankfully I’m in a much better place now, but I had about nine months of crying almost every day, not being able to sleep - I suffer from insomnia anyway but it got much, much worse. I didn’t really properly sleep for at least six months, not even for a few hours at a time. When I did sleep I horrific nightmares and anxiety dreams. I started to suffer from high BP and then the physical effects of stress started - pain in my chest, pounding heart, constant adrenaline and fight or flight response. I finally had a day where I just couldn’t take it anymore and pretty much fell apart at work and had to ask to go home. Unheard of for me - I don’t take time off even for illness. Went to the GP, self-certified for a week off with stress. Could have taken more time off but decided it was best to get back on the horse. Even that one week of being removed from the source of my stress helped me so much. It was a very slow process getting back to full health. It’s over a year later now and I’ve regained my equilibrium in the past six months or so.

Listen to what your body is telling you. Make the job work for you, or it’s time to find something else. Otherwise it will get worse and worse until it pretty much breaks you mentally and physically. It’s never worth killing yourself for a job.

Yes, my last job I was in 17 years and it was incredibly stressful and poorly managed. I cried a lot. I had my DS prematurely which I, in part, attributed to the intense strain I was under while pregnant. On maternity leave I had anxiety attacks at the thought of returning but had worked there so long I couldn't imagine not working there. I ended up in such a state that DP eventually put his foot down and told me I wasn't to return which helped because it made the decision for me. I have a lovely little job now and haven't so much as thought about crying or felt stressed in the 9 months I've been there. Best decision ever.

My job makes me cry, so I'm actively looking for a new one. My line managers are part of the problem, and the HR rep is next to useless.

I know there'll be a better job out there for me, and you should too OP. Have faith in yourself, you are better and stronger than you think.

Life's too short to be in a job that makes you ill. Find something else and set yourself free.

I think you need to take some time off before you reach the point that you actually can’t make it into work. Only by taking time away will you learn whether it is the work or something else. Your manager is not supporting you and you have to make the decision to look after yourself. You may feel quite empowered to actually say OK stop I’m not doing this anymore and I’m staying away until I can start to feel normal again.

I have a workload that is too busy for my week, my job is responsive, challenging and stressful. I too sometimes start the day with plans and by the end of the day have not ticked off one thing, only added to the ‘to do’ list. I will never catch up with my workload. Mostly I enjoy it but I need regular time out otherwise it would overwhelm me. I have learned to recognise earlier that good stress is turning to bad and yours now sounds bad and everything is magnified when this happens.

It’s a good way of looking at it, good stress and bad stress. My whole job is bad stress, there’s nothing positive about it.
I know I need to leave there but the job has made me feel so useless that I’m not sure I could market myself to another employer. I’ve started wondering if I should maybe ask for a transfer to a lower grade at work if I’m not cut out for the stress of the higher grade. I don’t know if you can do that?

This is very sad. It's not you, you are not being supported. You shouldn't have to ask for a demotion as I suspect it won't change anything, it's just a poorly managed company.

What sort of job do you do, Op?

Caseworker
I’ve taken a few days off with stress this week but I’m back in today. Feeling very very overwhelmed. Problems have just got worse whilst I’m away and now I just feel like even if I worked 24 hours a day for the next year I’d never be on top of things. I looked at finances over the weekend and concluded I just can’t walk out and hope to find a new job eventually. I also think it would look bad on my CV to have any gaps if it took months to find something new. I feel totally trapped 😭

Have you had a return to work chat with your line manager?

Nope. He just sent me a list of urgent things to be getting on with.

Did he know you were off due to stress? If he did, then he's beyond hopeless as a line manager!

Perhaps book a 1-2-1 in? Confront him with the fact your workload is insurmountable and he needs to put actions in place to remedy this

I’ve cried over jobs in the past and still today with my most recent it’s either been someone has been rude to me (colleague)or I’vebeen left out of something, or just generally pissed off with the workload (too much or too little).
I thought it was just me, now I see I’m not alone. Sorry, it’s not easy is it.

Request a meeting with him ASAP. Tell him you are suffering with stress due to a ridiculous workload. Make a note of the key points and back it up with an email. Ask for help. Document everything.

Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. If nothing is forthcoming and you can't cope then get yourself signed off.

Meant to add, if you are getting nowhere with him then enlist HR.