Boss is gaslighting me... advice

[Darklava09]

So that basically... I realise my manager is gaslighting me.

Its not just me but it is effecting me.

Any advice on how to deal with these people?

It makes me dread going to work as I know something will be done to get a reaction.

What can I do?

Can you tell us a bit more about what's happening?

Best advice is to only have conversations in public or to have everything in writing.

Put everything in writing. If he asks you to do x, send him an e-mail saying that you are confirming your recent conversation where he asked you to do x and ask him to reply if this is incorrect or you've misunderstood.

So for example
Will ask me if I’m ok because I either look sad/worried etc when I’m fine. They’ve heard me talk, laugh and joke with colleagues.

Then will make comments but can’t be specific either about deadlines, me missing deadlines but I ask for me info... will be blanked.

Will snap and then apologise. I’ve called them out on it before and then I’m the one who’s sensitive/dramatic etc typical gaslighter

If he doesn't give any deadline email daily saying don't forget you still need to let me have the deadline for x

That’s so strange! I’ve had exactly that before as well. Being told I look worried. I totally took the bait the first time it happened and almost tripped over myself trying to convince the increasingly insistent person I was not at all worried.

How about just smiling and saying “I’m great, thanks. How are you?” Turn the attention back to your manager and then onto work-related things. Agree to document things that could come back to bite you and get them in email. I work with some nasty pieces of work who get shirty when I do the email thing but I know better than to risk relying on verbal conversations.

As for being told you’ve missed deadlines, ask for evidence you had a deadline given to you. And ask for the absolute specifics of everything. I had a boss who would take me aside to have a go at me for all the alleged mistakes I was making. Despite being told I made these mistakes daily, he couldn’t produce any evidence of them at my request, nor give me any specifics about them. Not sure if this would work with your situation but it did mine because of the nature of our work. Mistakes are obvious. I told him to be sure and hang onto the next example he came across of a mistake so I could see where I was going wrong. Strangely enough he never did..,