mean girls at work

[bullseye2018]

I’ve read a lot about mean girls at work because I’m struggling not to let the mean girls I work with get to me. Some theories suggest they target those they feel threatened by (more capable, more well-liked, more attractive), whereas others suggest they target weak/vulnerable women (submissive, less attractive, isolated).

Guess I’m curious to know what others think is the reality. And, given that, what characteristics might help buffer women from becoming the target.

Well of course you would say that wouldn't you. Just because you say it, doesn't mean it's true.

Yes thank you. And a decent wodge of social science too, thank goodness.

Are you talking to me kneehigim?

As for the actual OP and the question asked, I firmly believe they target women they feel threatened by - in the workplace particularly. In the playground, I think it's more of a bonding exercise i.e. by excluding the weakest in the flock.

You see it with teenagers too. I've seen a lot of coverage lately of bullying and resultant suicide and in almost every case, the girl involved is very good looking, sporty, accomplished and popular with boys. The mean girls will certainly 'take her out'.

Also, I think if you don't like going to lunches, discussing Love Island or whatever the latest trend is, and aren't simultaneously doing the latest fad diet, you will be excluded from friendship groups. The younger they are, the worse they are for it.

Mean girls and most definitely mean in a very different way to mean boys.

And I would far rather work with male colleagues/boss/managers as without exception in my 30+ years of working, if I have a nightmare/bitchy/micro managing boss it is 100% guaranteed to be a woman.

Maybe OP is using 'mean girls' as a phrase because those being mean to her are woman?!

I'm sure if it was a man she'd had phrased it differently!

No idea how to help though. I have a colleague who spends her entire work life watching me and reporting me for any small mistake. Or always doing something else important when she's asked to do a job. (I'm senior to her). I've reported to my line manager and suggested they get OH involved hinting that it may be her MH as it's not healthy spending your whole working day assuming others are incompetent.

FWIW I'm fine as I asked my superiors to evaluate my work and give constructive criticism to improve what I do. They said it's not me and it's her!

For me the indirect approach of 'concern' rather than accusations has worked.

"are"

Furthermore, I have yet to encounter a mean male boss/colleague/manager. But that could just be random chance or luck.

I'm more naturally drawn to male people. I find women to be incredibly insanely jealous and bitchy. Maybe men find other men to be the same? I don't think it operates the same way across the sexes. I find men to be domineering, arrogant, over-confident and a little stupid, if I was to stereotype. That said, they're simpler creatures to hang out with.
I have always noticed the alpha males though in an office. And they are generally very well liked.

How do I rise above it? As I said, I just say hello and that's it. I am polite and nothing more. I don't get involved in office gossip, rivalry or Love Island.

@Dimsum I can only think of one male colleague who I didn't get on with. On a personal level we got on fine, but my had he perfected the art of looking busy whilst doing nothing! He wound me up no end.

I find women to be incredibly insanely jealous and bitchy 😂😂 yeah right.

Don't think its the OP that is over sensitive.
Misogynistic??? Geeez.

Ice certainly seen little boys exclude other little boys and whisper behind me back. I’ve even had to apologise on behalf of my own son for such behaviour.

In fact my son’s friendships bear many more of the stereotypical female friendship attributes than any of my daughters’ friendships ever have.

At my work place I have many colleagues I find unfriendly, judgemental and hard to deal with. There a slightly more men in that group than women And the very worst person in my organisation for bitchy behaviour is trans male to female. Who knows what that suggests!

I find women to be incredibly insanely jealous and bitchy 😂😂 yeah right.
Haha. Yup. Case in point.

What am I jealous of? What are they jealous of?

@starzig I know! You can't open your mouth here now or you're being sexist. FFS. It's tiring and getting boring now.

Your sniggering emoticons suggest something is niggling you! Care to share?

Not sniggering. Outright laughing at your ridiculous claim. Again, what am I jealous of?

Mean girls is definitely a thing. In my workplace we had a group of senior managers who had worked together for years. Their behaviour was just like that in the playground; whispering, excluding, meeting up outside work as a group. That behaviour is very specific to women. Let’s not kid ourselves that men act like that. They do other stuff. I think the OP has been treated appallingly; the professionally offended are out in force on mumsnet it seems.

I've had a lot more trouble from mean men and boys.

I've no idea! You tell me honey.

Men do act like that, it just isn't noticed in the same way. The constant name calling at my school was from boys, not girls. Men bitch about and put down other colleagues just as much as women do, and they form collectives and make sure those colleagues are managed out and not promoted.