When is the point of enough is enough?

[Onthebrinkofcoffee]

Slowly but surely over the last year my confidence has been pecked away at and undermined at work. My manager pushes my boundaries and I find it harder to reassert them because I am so damn tired. I'm getting stress migraines every week from her breathing down my neck, I've started grinding my teeth in my sleep which is causing me numerous issues including difficulty eating. She's never mentioned performance issues but she's on my case constantly.

Today I saw an ex colleague who said I looked dreadful and asked whether I was ok. She was right, I look like hell - wan, pale, stopped taking care of my looks, just trying to trudge through the day. I told her about the issues I was having and she said my boss sounded like a psycho and that she would have resigned on the spot.

I've been applying for jobs unsuccessfully for about 4 months but I'm wondering if I should just resign without a job and dedicate myself full time to finding alternative employment? In reality in only managing to apply for things at the weekend which is tricky to do with the housework etc that needs doing.

How do you know when to draw the line and take a risk?

So sorry to hear everything you have been going through. It sounds awful.

Would you consider getting signed off on the short term to give you some breathing room to make a decision?
There's pros and cons both ways and no one can really say what is "best" but if you have some time to rest it might help you find what's right for you

Sorry to hear this I just want to give you a Big hug xxxx
Perhaps phone HR and ask for some advice. HR were very understanding.
Maybe you can get some support.
I personally experienced this first hand .
It is awful. At one point I dreaded the thought of going to work.
My manager made my life so difficult.
HR advised me to submit a Grievance. So I did. Thought what the worst that could happen. I get a move or leave.

They moved me to a new location and I'm the happiest I've ever been in six years.
Just remember you are a great person.
It defintely not you.
Working there is toxic and it draining your self confidence.
You can do better than there.
Good luck xxx

Please remember that HR work for the employer, they are there to manage issues for the employer not the employee.

How long have you worked there?

Can you afford to quit without another job to go to?

@Tomtontom

Yes I know, it's depressing

4 years here. It's my first "real" job after waitressing etc at uni. I feel older than my years recently.

I could technically afford it but then I'd need to use my savings to live, which I'm very reluctant to do as I've been saving hard for a deposit.

@onthebrinkofcoffee am in the same situation, it is shit, isn't it?

Am older than you (and further down the line with complaints) but just can't work out why these people do it. Power trip, maybe?

OP in amongst the unpleasant behaviour of your manager, is there any 'truth' in whatever frustrations they are taking out on you? Is there anything you can do to change the way you're delivering your work for example? If it's work that is taking more than a few weeks, can you proactively give periodic updates to show progress you're making? Etc

These work situations can be overwhelming, and take over your life, Key thing is to take back control and show your manager you are a human being and deserve to be engaged with in a respectful way. That message may fall on deaf ears but it will stand you in good stead if it comes to a grievance, because you're ideally meant to try and resolve matters informally first.

Get yourself an indeed app literally takes seconds to apply for a job one click apply!

Do you work for a big organisation like the. HS etc where you could transfer or is this a small outfit?

Perhaps start looking at fixed term
Shorter contracts , a university perhaps wheee you can get another job through redeployment etc

Honestly, colleagues I know and work alongside who have a psycho butch from hell boss, total narcissist and actively goes out to make people feel the same way you do, just get thenhell out ASAP - some friends have said when they changed jobs they felt like they were coming out of a DV relationship with a husband, you literally spend so much time at work it can have profound effects on you

Actively shake yourself down, get that cv out there to every job possible that can keep you going and get out ASAP - no job is work that sort of affect on your mental health

Good luck!!

I'd start registering with temp agencies to see what's out there and do temp gigs. Being out of this environment asap will do wonders for your MH.

Whilst doing that, at work you need to start resetting and enforcing those boundaries that have been eroded.

If you're working longer hours, enforce a hard start and stop at your contractual times. If she questions it, be clear that you have outside commitments so can't do any extras (commitment to yourself to sit on your sofa is a legitimate personal commitment).

If you feel able to take sick leave for your mental wellness, please do. Use the time to plan your escape route.

If you are fantasising about being run over, just enough to have an injury that means you can't work, then that is my sign that I need to quit without another job lined up.

What sort of work do you do? If it is something generic then yes I suggest you do

Hi OP. I'm in a similar situation - had an awful day yesterday where I just broke down and cried in front of my boss in a meeting because I couldn't take any more. I know how you feel. I think I'm going to set a time limit of six months and then resign even if I haven't found anything. Scary to think about but I think it will keep me accountable, give me a definite light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully get me the hell out of my job ASAP. Might work for you too? X

I'd get out now while you can.
I spent 4 months in a horrendous position at work - doing much more than 1 person could possibly manage, working on a project I had no experience in, no support, refusal of a pay rise (even though manager agreed it was perfectly justified) due to a 'company-wide pay freeze' etc.

I got to breaking point but refused to go to a job for the sake of it and wanted to find the perfect role. Fast forward two months, got offered a great role, a week after I found out I was pregnant.
For the sake of job/maternity security, I stayed where I was, and just put my job move plans on hold for 12 months - but don't do what I did and get stuck in a shitty position for much longer than planned because life will soon start to get in the way and you'll struggle to find a way out the longer you're in the situation!