What do you do when 2 of you have busy and unpredicatable jobs?

[CountessDracula]

Had a bit of a row with my dh last night because I am working away 3 days this week which means leaving the house before 7am each day. Our nanny doesn't start until 8am and he has suddenly got really busy at work and needs to get in early to deal with stuff (he knew before I was working away and suddenly got all shirty about it last night with no warning!)

I can completely see his point of view, he is a Lawyer, stuff comes up that is unpredictable and he has to react appropriately. However, I am an Business Analyst/Project Mgr and my work takes me all over the place - I can't just say to a client (who is paying £1500 a day for my services!) "oh sorry, my husband has to get in early so I won't be with you until 11am, then I have to leave at 4.30pm as I have to get back for my nanny!"

Just wondered how the rest of you deal with this.

I am dreading it when dd goes to nursery when she is 2.5. Then there will be no room for flexibility at all. I think we will have to get an au pair which I really didn't want as I hate the idea of someone else living in our house :(

Short of moving to be near my parents for more support, I am not really sure what to do. The other option of course is for one of us to give up our job, but that would then entail moving house as we couldn't afford to stay where we are on one salary.

The nanny/housekeeper sounds like a good option, if you can afford it. Most of the couples I know where both are lawyers have live in nannies or au pairs, or live out nannies who live nearby, and it seems to work well for them. One friend's new nanny has moved flats after getting the job just to be nearer, so don't rule out a live out nanny with extended working hours. A lot of nannies will be renters anyway.

I have no advice - but don't you dare move.

Yes ma'am

Don't worry we won't

CD - you sound like us, but with more money . We have a live-in nanny and have done for about two years. It is the only thing that works for us (we have tried live-out, nurseries and general juggling). DH and I work in the same place, usually from about 0915 till about 1915, sometimes later, rarely earlier. We try to take DDs to school (DD2 starts Kindergarten tomorrow, mornings only), the nanny collects them and feeds them (I cook and freeze food for her to give to them - if I don't manage that it is pasta or fish fingers), we do bath and bedtime. Having her live in gives us the flexibility to ask her, if necessary, to take the girls to school if we have an early start. I can't say it's easy having someone live in, but the current nanny is a cheerful, easy going girl, great with the children, good company and no bother. She will also babysit if necessary (we sometimes have work related dinners/cocktail parties etc), tho we try not to ask her to at weekends as she needs to have a life of her own and build up her social life.

DH and I often row as well, especially if he wants to get into work early and I want to take DDs to school (I feel I never see them otherwise). Work is not accessible via public transport (well it is, but entails tram, metro and bus, plus a 25 minute walk and takes about 2 hours, as opposed to a 30 minute drive), so if he wants to go in early, I make him get a lift with a colleague who lives nearby.

I think live-in help is the only way to go. Sorry

The way we deal with having to be away for work is that when dh is away (several times a month) I cope with everything and embarrass myself in front of colleagues by having to go early and so on, and then when I have to go away (a few times year) I have to give dh 100000000 days' notice and leave him enormously detailed lists of what to do

ROFL Tamum!! Kind of the same here actually! (though I stay away more)

Issymum I just meant that if you both earn the same there is no obvious person to give up work (ie the one who earns less!) - I feel that if I earned half of what dh did then it would be easier to pack it in as it wouldn't have such an impact financially. As it is my salary pays for half the mortgage, the nanny, the cars, the cleaner and dogwalker and still leaves me plenty over to blow on exciting things like food shopping and new tyres so I just can't bring myself to do it.

issymum dd will be going to nursery full time so will only need the au pair from say 5 till 8 max in any 1 day + a dog walk for an hour

LOL Tamum!

(Tanzie: what happened about your nanny nightmare?)

I do have a bit of a way round the house sharing, our top floor is one huge room plus a bathroom, easily big enough to have bed/sofa/tv, coudl evem get mini kitchen (saw one in Ikea catalogue which is standalone sink, fridge, hob and cuboards!)up there if necessary. Ok would mean we are booted out of our bedroom but we have another suitable room on 1st floor which is pretty big and would be fine.

Would also be nice for au pair to have own space presumably. Somewhere to invite her friends to etc.

Blu, I sacked nanny nightmare. It cost me thousands - money I really can't afford as I am not very well paid (and I am breadwinner ), but oh the relief. I haven't seen her since Feb, but paid her her final salary at the end of August. I do have to chase her as the Ministry of the Interior want her ID card back and apparently it is up to us to get it - what am I supposed to do? Go to where she's living and prize it out of her hands? I may yet be stung for a flight back to Manila for her and her baby, which I have said I am prepared to pay (but don't want to just give her the ticket as I am sure she would either cash it in or sell it on), but Illegal Immigrant Husband can whistle - I am not paying for his.

I tried the coming out of the closet as a mummy, and 8 months preggie to boot, wanting to leave a meeting at 6pm for a midwife appt when dh was in NY on business. Failed miserably - nanny saved the day by working o/time at short notice. Much easier to invent some other business commitment, in my experience, tho tricky to pull off at 6pm

I am truly gobsmacked!

This was the reason that we waited to conceive #2 until we could afford for one of us to stay home. It's just impossible to juggles schedules and the inevitable sick days. My husband and I had similarly paying jobs, and luckily we both worked for companies that were somewhat understanding. But we knew it would be impossible with 2 kids. Even once we had made that decision and I knew I was going to be leaving my job (and was happy about it) and my husband was really concentrating on doing well in his job, I still resented it occasionally when it was me who had to leave early to pick up our daughter, or take a sick day to stay home with her.

It's so hard. I wish I had advice for you!

Dear Tanzie,

I saw your message dated Thursday 9th September 2004 @ 7.24pm about the experiences you have had with your previous nanny.

I am part of a team producing a documentary about nannies for ITV and I would love to have a chat with you. If you are interested please contact me

[email protected]

Thanks
Jane Glasson

Jane,

Sorry, but no thanks. Hope someone else can help, but my job = no publicity.

And I am not in UK.

Tanzie