Would you say my boss is a bully?

[Friday2019]

I started with this organisation 3 years ago, was told they were delighted to have found me as they struggled finding someone whom my Manager would accept as suitable for the role. The previous two managers she had never lived up to her expectations either.

Apparently she used to make the last manager cry, telling her she wasnt good enough and making out she was incompetent.

Her behaviour is also causing me concerns and I'm now at the point that I feel burnt out, totally emotionally drain, worried, stressed and anxious.

She will give me a direction, them change her mind. For example, she told me not to copy her in on e-mails I was asked to send. So I never. But then yesterday she called me in and is starting an informal performance review against me as appartently my communication is poor because I never copied her in when I sent those e-mails.

I was given a numbers of queries to follow up with a member of staff who's been off sick. She is fully aware that this staff member has not been in and I have reassured her that I shall follow up with him when he is back. Apparently this isn't good enough as I should have found a way to resolve this with him and so she is also using this as a verbal example for issuing a performance review against me.

She sets unrealistic deadlines. For example, central close down the system on 10th of month so we can start our reporting after this. Reporting takes 2-3 full days. But she has sent me an email saying next month she wants all the reporting completed by the 11th.

She knows that I am receiving high volume of emails and would rather phone or face to face conversations to resolve tasks promptly. Since I have raised this, she e-mails me at least 14 times a day with tasks. We are in the same floor as each other, I feel she is deliberately setting me up to fail by overwhelming me with emails.

As I'm working on a task, she will send another email. Saying use this report for the task, so I'll start using that. Then I'll receive another email the next day saying ignore the one I sent yesterday, you need to use this one.

These are just a few examples. Do you think my boss is a bully and how would you deal with resolving. I have tried talking to her, but she make me feel like I'm inadequate and it is her achieving all the positive outcomes.

Yep

In my experience there is no dealing with these people, and you’ll be saving yourself a whole lot of hassle (and very possibly your mental health) if you leave and don’t try to take her on.

The fact they shopped around for someone she would accept in your role, rather that recruiting their choice and telling her to get on with it, speaks volumes and gives a clear indication of how little support you will get if you complain.

I'm a manager and this type of behaviour drives me nuts, it's clearly vindictive
Are you in a large company with a strong HR department? Where I am for example, if you had some emails or documents to back up what you're saying, this would be taken seriously.. now the process might be tough but if apart from her you like the organisation it might be worth it

She does sound unpleasant, yes. And her actions carry the hallmark of nasty, unwarranted and unpleasant behaviour, aka bullying: setting you up to fail, turning it into a lose-lose situation every time, where nothing you do ever meets with her favour, flooding you with disparate, disjointed instructions, micromanaging you. The list goes on.

In a situation like this, one has to ask what her motivation might be for wanting to 'get rid' of you? She is clearly up to something, because she has started these informal performance discussions and conversations. The next step, if she was planning something sinister, would be for her to announce that she is putting you on a performance improvement plan. I have never known a PIP that was used for benign purposes for which they were originally intended, to improve performance and guide the employee in areas for attention. They are demeaning, patronising and humiliating, but anyway I digress.

I would document everything that has been happening, retrospectively and ongoing from now. If the situation continues those records will give you sufficient content for a grievance. The extent to which your concerns will be heard, and the degree of receptiveness largely depends on your company's attitude to bullying and harassment. If this woman is perceived to be high value, you may find they do absolutely nothing, and hope that you're the one to walk away for fear of a bad reference.

Sorry to sound bleak, I just didn't want to say "get another job" which is my immediately reaction, because people like that never change, and I would always value health over a job any day.

This sound horrendous. Bully can be a bit of an emotive word - we also have an ‘unacceptable behaviour’ policy at my work. Her behaviour is definitely unacceptable and setting you up to fail. I experienced similar in my last role, and sadly after 15years ended up leaving. HR acknowledged the bad behaviour but weren’t willing to do much to help. It wasn’t worth staying - I was losing so much confidence. I’m very happy indeed now in a better environment. Good luck, and I am sorry - it’s awful to be treated like that.